Coded
by Allusia16
Summary: In a world of alphas and betas, ADA Rafael Barba finds his mate in Amara O'Neal, a woman struggling not to give her life away to the ownership of an alpha. With the laws on alpha's side, the two find it hard to connect as Amara still tries to maintain control over her life. However, when a serial killer is killing beta women, their relationship becomes tested. This is her story.
1. Chapter 1

1

In this world there are alphas and betas. Alphas control the relationship and what goes on in their house hold. What alpha's say go. Alphas are dominant. When an alpha finds their beta, they feel an urge to claim, protect, and procreate with the beta. Alphas can be any gender and can mate with the same sex or the opposite sex. I grew up with a dominant father, and a submissive mother, and what I learned from this bonding was that, you only had such limited freedom until your alpha found you. When that happens, they are the law and the laws of the U.S. bend in favor of the alpha. You could do anything to your beta as long as you did not kill them.

So basically we are slaves. I'm only 23, and I have yet to ever connect with a person so I am guessing I was to be a submissive. I found this fact out when I was really young, and even then, I knew I did not want to be anyone's slave. My parents didn't understand the struggle. My mom claimed to be so happy, but how could anyone be happy when a person comes into their life and just demands they revert their lives around them? No, I couldn't do it. Not now not ever.

So how did I end up in a police station with my hands cuffed together? Well it was simple. I was a part of a group who wanted to break the laws of alpha and beta called AntiDom, for Anti Dominance. It seemed our rally down town got us noticed and also caused a fifteen minute riot. Basically every member in an AntiDom shirt was arrested. The group was created by Albert Nottingham, a man who denied his alpha and has gone against the laws of having to bend to his alpha's will. To know a man like this existed was a godsend for someone. He was the chosen one who was able to break from his chains of bondage.

Many followed after him, leaving their families and their lives to follow after him and be taught by him. Of course this upset many alphas and so there was a lot of tension between alphas and the group. Alpha cops didn't bother being too polite to us. So here I sat, Amara O'Neal, a member of AntiDom of five years, waiting to be charged with disturbing the peace or causing a riot or something. I was not trying to cause violence during the protest. If anything, I enjoyed volunteering at meetings just meeting others like me and talking to men and women who felt trapped in their lives. Some had great lives before meeting their alphas. Others thought they were happy until they felt they too could not live a life that was truly their own.

While I waited, I twirled my finger into one of the strands of my hair in anticipation. What would happen to me, I wondered. I had school pretty soon and I could be kicked out. I didn't even get a phone call to call my parents. They knew I attended AntiDom meetings out of curiosity, but made sure to tell me their concerns about the group and that being there could lead to trouble.

"Ooh and it's all right and it's coming oh we gotta get it right back to where we started from. Love is good. Love can be strong. We gotta get it right back to where we started from." I muttered the familiar tune of Maxine Nightingale.

Normal POV

Rafael Barba was good at his job as ADA to the team. He may not have won every case, but he never went down without a fight. So now he was staring at this woman, this African American woman whose little club has caused such a rise in downtown Manhattan. He never had much of a personal life, and if he did it was wrapped around a case. He felt content with his job and his life. But now after looking at this woman he felt empty, as if his life had been missing something all along. But then he felt suddenly awakened like he had been sleeping this entire time but upon feeling that surge of electricity pulse into his body upon seeing her, he knew. He knew she was the one. All he thought about was her. It was if winning in the courtroom was only second best to being able to stand in her presence, to stare at her beauty and admire it for all of eternity. Rafael let out an exhale.

"Una diosa se para frente a mi y ella es toda mia." he whispered.

She had light mocha skin and was curvy around the hips and thighs. She had long straight hair, that was flat our gorgeous. Her face was round and she looked hard to break. Her deep brown eyes looked up, and it looked like she was looking right at Barba. He inhaled loudly and was glad to be the only one behind the glass, because he didn't want her looking at anywhere else. Now when you looked at Rafael Barba, you could tell he was ready to win at anything and he was not easily beaten. But this woman. She was the reason he lived now, and he wasn't sure how he felt about it. But he knew he had to step up and let his beta know who was in charge. The door opened in the back and in came Olivia Benson, chief of the Sex Crimes Unit and alpha to Amanda Rollins.

"Got the file on Ms. O'Neal, and she doesn't have much of a record, very minor stuff." Olivia said which made Rafael sigh with relief. It wouldn't be too hard to get her out of here.

"What's AntiDom's record?" he asked quickly wanting to know as much about the young beta that he could. Olivia handed him the woman's record. He eyed it immediately. The detective was right mostly speeding tickets and having to pay for a vase she accidently broke at an antique store.

"They have been involved in many riots, some arrested on gun possessions. Other cities claim numerous acts of terrorism and Nottingham is the master of it all. Some members been charged with raiding government garages and stealing weapons. One member was almost locked away two years ago for having blue prints of an FBI agency, but the evidence was tampered with. After that many laid low until now. This group is very serious of what they stand for." Luckily it seemed she didn't have much to do with AntiDom's record and to this Rafael was grateful.

He then scoffed.

"What do they plan to kill alphas all over the city, wage war against alphas?" he asked mockingly closing the file. Olivia sighed and placed her hands on her hips. 'Jesus, she's only twenty-three.' Barba thought. Too young for him, but old enough to be broken in. Damn.

"You should hear Nottingham's speech. He makes us sound like slave owners, that we will torture and hurt our betas. It's sad to see a young mind wasted." she told. And it was true, not all alphas mistreated their betas.

"But there's no real reason to believe she's involved… has any of the informants said anything about her?" he asked. Olivia nodded.

"Not much on her personal life. She just goes to meetings and talks with other betas. They've even organized programs to help inner city schools. Nottingham is a trust fund baby and his money seems to grow. She's been seen feeding the homeless and offering shelter to… abused betas who are hiding from their abusive alphas." she explained softly.

Rafael's blood boiled at her words. He saw being an alpha as a strong title and responsibility. You're meant to love your beta. Any alpha who hurts their betas did not deserve that beta. He shook his head. There was no way he was letting his beta go to jail especially if she was innocent and not involved in the group specifically.

"No. She's not going to jail." he stated glancing at Olivia and looking back out the window at the girl. Olivia looked at Barba with shock.

"What are you saying, we have to charge her. She could be a terrorist." she said. Rafael didn't believe it or didn't want to believe it.

"No. She's just lost." he said. Olivia began to mutter before stopping in her words and looking at Rafael with a frozen stair. Rafael just glanced at her and then back at the glass. Olivia looked back at the glass and was now even more stunned.

"Oh my god." she said placing her hand on her forehead. Rafael nodded slowly.

"She's my… beta." he said slowly. Olivia looked from the girl to Rafael. She never thought he would be paired with someone so different from him.

"Never thought your first meeting will be here." she said. Rafael nodded and looked at Olivia.

"I'm going to talk to a judge. No jail time if she agrees to be my beta and give me information on AntiDom and their full intentions." he said. Olivia's eyes flexed in utter shock at the proposal.

"You think a judge is going to agree to that or her for that matter?" she asked motioning her forehead at the woman. "Barba, this group is fighting against the thing you are offering as a means of freedom to her." Rafael shook his head as he read over the file once more and now began to move towards the door that would lead into the interrogation room.

"She thinks we just want to break her. I plan to show her something else." he said and walked into the room. Olivia blinked in utter shock and followed him inside.

Amara's POV

I continued to wait, and I was becoming aggravated. But the door opened and in came two people. A woman who shouted cop and a man in a suit holding a file. He sat down in front of me and crossed his legs and let out a breath as if impressed.

"Wow you have a record here." he said. I just stared at the woman now. She stood near the door watching with a firm glare. She was use to interrogating people. Was this some kind of joke? I've never been in trouble with the law before.

"So I've been told." I responded sarcastically looking at the man, playing into whatever, it was he was getting at. I noticed he shifted a bit and opened the file once more.

"Your little group has now been labeled a terrorist group and soon the importance of capturing every member will jump from little to of great importance to the FBI." he said. I scoffed and laughed dryly.

"Of course alphas would call us terrorists. If wanting to have control of my life is considered terrorism then I happily accept that title." I said crossing my legs and arms and turning my body from the two. There was a few seconds of silence.

"You're still a young woman, you haven't lived yet." the man said lightly.

"A free young woman who shall die a free old woman." I stated whipping my head back at him. He stared at me for a long moment before looking down and then in the direction of the woman, but not actually facing her.

"Give me five minutes." he said. The woman glanced at the man before looking back at me and slowly moving out the room. The man curled his fingers together and inhaled sharply.

"My name is Rafael Barba, and I am the Assistant District Attorney of this precinct, so I will be in honest with you. In the eyes of the law, you are a terrorist and there is very little that can be done to save you even if you have just been going to meetings and not taking part in the real dangerous criminal activities AntiDom has been committing. Alpha or no alpha, terrorist acts will never be taken lightly. So I am going to try and make a deal with a judge in order to keep you out of jail and not be involved with the real criminals of the organization." he said. I looked down as I heard his words. I wouldn't be surprised if AntiDom was doing some… radical things, but it's for the freedom of all betas all over the world, to have the right to choose who we loved and got to spend our lives with. And it seemed I was somehow being grouped together with other members. This couldn't happen. My future was as good as gone. But now I looked at the ADA who watched my every move with curiosity.

"And why would you do that?" I asked. He inhaled and just curled his fingers together looking away.

"If I am able to get this agreement through, you will have to abide by a few conditions." he said. I slowly turned to him, showing more interest wondering why he didn't answer my question.

"And those conditions are?" I asked. Rafael gave a firm look.

"You will leave AntiDom and tell us what you know about the organization." he said. My entire body was in defense now and I shook my head standing up from my chair.

"No! I will not betray my people! They are good and understand me!" I said with defiance. To not be able to speak to some of the good friends I have made and become a traitor for the police. It's downright insane. The ADA frowned.

"They are not your people. Albert Nottingham isn't in this prison with his people, you are. He is only going to get you killed. Now with the laws falling on the side of alphas, this doesn't look good for you. It's very easy to just group you in with the dangerous members of AntiDom and have you booked and processed." he said. My eyes widened.

"You can't do that!" I cried out. I had rights! They couldn't just do this, could they?

"You can get out of this without spending long, and I mean long years of your life in prison. I can get you out of this, because I am that good." he said quickly and I shook my head leaning over and placing my bound hands on the table.

"And why should I even make such a traitorous deal with you!" I shouted, and now he was up on his feet standing over the table as well looking at me with hard eyes.

"Because I am your alpha and you will do what you are told!" he snapped. My eyes now widened at his words, and my entire body was frozen before jerking back and away from him. I felt my as if a large anchor was dropped on my chest and I couldn't breathe. Oh shit. The ADA, this Rafael Barba sighed heavily and looked away.

"I didn't…expect…" his words trailed off before looking back at me. "Look I didn't know any of this would happen that you would be my beta until I looked at you through the window." I looked up at the large square window and just felt numb, insanely numb.

"How do you know you truly are my alpha?" I asked. This stranger just looked at me as he placed his hand over his chest.

"I felt the jolt of electricity inside me. It's like someone put a defibrillator to my chest and zapped it." he said lowly. I just stared at him trying to hide the disgust I felt.

"Is that why you are helping me?" I asked weakly. He nodded.

"Yes. If I can get this agreement, you will no longer be a part of AntiDom, accept me as your alpha and move in with me." My entire body shook violently and I closed my eyes trying to retain my feelings and I took deep even breaths.

'Don't show the alphas your fear or they will use it to destroy you' Albert said. He was right. This man was using prison or ownership against me. The only difference was that one option didn't involve me being in a cage. But to move in with him? No! I couldn't up and move into some home with a man I didn't know. He calls himself alpha and that's supposed to be enough for me to just trust him and merge our lives together. This was too much. My world was spinning now. I needed to be alone, left alone to my thoughts to process all the information I was just given. I looked up at Rafael Barba to see him looking me over as if trying to figure me out.

"I need a day to think of this." I said. Rafael leaned back and nodded once.

"You'll be taken back to your holding cell. You can sleep off the riot here." he said and left the room. So this was my alpha. A powerful lawyer who looked like he was used to being an asshole. So now it's started. Now I am truly in a fight to keep my freedom. God, why did my alpha have to be an Assistant District Attorney.

Author's Notes

Reuploading my Coded fanfic. It's going to be a bit different in this fanfic. I plan to put more focus on Amara's life and how having the sexy Cuban ADA Rafael Barba in her life impacts her. Antidom will not be such a large part of this fic. In the last fic, I had Amara as a major member of AntiDom but in this fic, she's sort of like a new member trying to figure out how she still maintain her life now that Barba is in it. Also I am getting any translations from google translate don't judge me XD Enjoy!

Barba: a goddess stands before me and she is all mine


	2. Chapter 2

2

As I was being escorted from the interrogation room, I could hear chanting coming from the cells.

"Conlan! Conlan! Conlan!" I heard them. My eyes widened as I saw none other than Billy Conlan walking into the station. Billy Conlan is a Scottish American professional kick boxer who is very well known for his victories in numerous countries and he was my best friend. We met during a AntiDom meeting a few months back. He was a major supporter to Albert. He had a tall, muscular build and dark vicious eyes. He was in a black suit looking very professional. Behind him were a few guys, I assumed were his lawyers and trainers. He had a beta years back, but she died…

When he saw me his eyes came to life and he made a straight line for me.

Normal POV

Rafael was confident that a judge would hear out his deal under the circumstances. Most judges were alphas and would not deny another alpha their beta. He knew he would have to go to a higher power if it didn't work. Det. Fin Tutuola was at his desk when he saw Rafael with a victorious smirk on his face.

"You look like you just won a case, counselor." he said putting down his pen. Rafael smirked.

"Might as well have," he said in a cocky tone, "I found my beta and plan to have her in my home in a matter of days." Fin looked at him with a big smile.

"Well would you look at that. Congratulations man. Who is she?" he asked.

"Amara." A thick accented man called before Rafael could say his beta's name. His attention was immediately caught and now both the ADA and Fin looked up. Fin's eyes widened.

"Is that heavyweight champion, Billy Conlan?" he asked. The athlete was standing in front of Amara with worry in his eyes and he took hold of her cheeks. Rafael's body froze, and his eyes began to widen as he watched the heavyweight champion lean down and embrace his beta. _His _beta. He almost dropped the file he was holding he was so disturbed. Cameras were going off around them and cops were trying to lead paparazzi out, but reporters were in there as well. Rafael could tell Conlan was asking Amara if she was okay. She looked so happy to see him.

"Yes and he's comforting my beta." Barba replied heatedly. Fin's eyes widened and he just looked at the ADA then the crowd then Rafael again.

"Oh shit." he said.

"Whatever my friend is in here for, I guarantee it's a mistake. AntiDom is a peaceful group of which the government and its false propaganda has made them seem like a terrorist group." Billy said to a reporter. "Amara will be out of here by tomorrow and that I can guarantee." Olivia and Amanda were staring at the small crowd in shock.

"I guess he's against alphas too." Amanda said. Olivia just shook her head moving over to get the reporters and everyone else out. It took a bit of force, but she managed to clear the room.

Amara's POV

Billy's arm was protectively around me as he made his little announcement about getting me out. The same female cop from before was demanding everyone leave.

"Ms. O'Neal, what do you say to your supporters of AntiDom and other betas who do not wish to have alphas?" a reporter asked. A cop was trying to lead me away and split Billy from.

"I say be strong my friends. Soon we will ALL have the right to choose who we fall in love with. Everyone should have the right to choose not just one group!" I called out before being placed in my cell.

Normal POV

Rafael was just standing there now almost in a daze. Olivia was in front of him.

"Hey you okay?" she asked, and now he began to turn and leave the room with Olivia following.

"How would you feel if your beta was in a warm embrace someone else, especially another man?" he asked acidly and swiftly. Olivia nodded.

"Look I know it's hard to see a beta taken by another, but he's not her alpha. You have all rights to her." she said. Rafael scoffed and looked at her with stress in his eyes.

"Yeah and telling her that will make her resent this relationship even more." he said. "We all know what happened to Conlan's beta. She died in a "drowning" accident. Some say he killed her just so he could be with whoever he wanted obviously _my _beta, Olivia my beta." Olivia nodded.

"No one can prove her death wasn't an accident, the trial was very long. But you are her alpha, Rafael, you. There is no competition or competing for her. She is yours by law and by right. Billy Conlan can do nothing about that. So if I were you, then I would make things very clear to that girl that if this agreement happens, then whatever she has with Conlan stops."

Rafael stared at her for a moment as they were now in the hall. She was right. Now that the bond existed, she was his and he would have to claim her so other men would know that. But it was better said than done. He had heard from alphas, when they spoke, that when they claim their betas for the first time, their entire system changes, like the betas are coded with the essence of the alpha. Deep down, Rafael hoped that was true. As he walked to a part of the precinct, he looked through Amara's file to find any emergency contacts. He three names on there, the first was Johnathon O'Neal, her father, Leanna O'Neal, her mother and… Billy Conlan… other. His jaw tightened and he looked away trying to calm himself down. He didn't realize how close their bond was that she had him as an emergency contact. That meant more than Rafael wanted to admit. Maybe her parents could talk some sense into her. The had to be an alpha and beta pair.

Amara's POV

The cells were emptying and soon only a few people were left. My cell was empty, and I had no idea how late or early it was. I remained in the corner not wanting to be seen by anyone. I know I slept some. Someone came to the cell, and I looked up to see Rafael Barba standing there in a new suit. He just stared at me with friendly eyes as if trying to come off as an old friend. He then pulled out some paper work from his briefcase and held it up to the bars.

"I spoke to a judge, and they agreed to have your record expunged. You can walk out of here today, if you agree to the terms we discussed yesterday. You will be completely free, but if you violate this agreement then you will be back in here. You will sign this." he said shaking the pages in front of the bars. I gave a soft chuckle ignoring my growling stomach.

"So I am not really free then. Freedom is not real if the captor just plans to have me moved somewhere else. The U.S. did that to the Native Americans, moved to them to reservations where they were free, but not really free. You know African slaves were free, but they weren't really free since they were oppressed for hundreds of more years to lynchings, police brutality, and segregation. There's a large list, I could go on." I told, and he nodded continuing to stare at me.

"You've been fed half truths about alphas and betas. Yes, some can be abusive, but most of us are not like that. You do realize that 25% of spousal abuse is committed by betas, but I guess Albert Nottingham didn't tell you that." he said.

I glared at him getting up and moving over to the bars.

"And what about alphas? What are their percentages?" I asked. He stared at me for a moment not speaking, instead he just observed my face which made me look away uncomfortable of his stare.

"This precinct is here to protect anyone being abused or hurt… betas included. If you agree to the terms, then I will show you how nice it can be… to be with me." he said awkwardly. I stared at him for a moment.

"You're an old man." I said. He cleared his throat and nodded some looking down with mild discouragement.

"Yeah, forty-three is not that old, but I can see how that could be uncomfortable to you seeing as you are twenty-three." he said lowly. I stared at him for a moment before looking away as if hiding my embarrassment.

"I don't mind older men." I said. Rafael looked up at me, and he looked almost hopeful.

"Good." he said now looking up at me firmly. "If you accept this deal, you know you will have to break up whatever it is you have with Billy Conlan." I tensed and looked at him.

"Why?" I asked. He looked stunned now and gave an exhale.

"Because you are not his." he said almost with annoyance. I nodded scowling.

"That's right, I belong to you." I stated.

"No you don't- Look. This is the way things are. You don' belong to me… if anything you are just paired to me. When I first saw you yesterday, I felt depressed… depressed that everything I achieved in my life did not give me the satisfaction I felt when I saw you. I never achieved my other half, and when I did, I felt fulfilled. I felt alive looking at you. I take note of every little thing you do." he said motioning my tapping foot. "You tap your right foot when you are agitated. You did it yesterday when we interrogated you." I looked down at my feet realizing I was indeed tapping my foot, so I stopped, and he sighed some.

"When an alpha finds his beta, it's a beautiful thing and feeling. I am happy I found you and that life chose us to be together." he said. I thought about his words for a moment before looking at him with strong eyes.

"And when I first saw you, I felt nothing. Because _that_ is how humans should live. One person should not get to look at another human and feel the things you feel. It's not fair. You get to look at me and feel this the things you feel, yet I don't get to feel that. I feel anything for you and if alphas didn't exist then you would not feel anything for me." I said, my voice breaking, and his eyes slowly began to express pain at my words. I shook my head. "Why do you get to have that much power over me and in return I am just supposed to submit and be bent to your will? Even alphas are not free to their own minds, their own instincts." I said. He just stared at me for a while, his mouth parting a bit as if to answer and tell me the answer. He then looked down as if finally defeated.

"That's just the way the world works." he finally said. I felt a bitter scowl play on my face at his generic words.

"I only joined AntiDom, because I believe people should choose the person they are in love with, not go by how we are… mechanically programmed to find a mate." I said. Now he was smiling warmly at me as he stepped closer to the bars, so close his face was gently pressing into the bars.

"I want you to tell me more about why you feel that. I want to know everything you think and everything you feel and why you feel it." he said. I arched a brow and laughed dryly looking away.

"When I first saw you, I expected maybe you would have a beta who is a workaholic, like obviously you are. She'd have brunette hair and high cheek bones with blue maybe green eyes. Maybe with her beside you, you'd look like some white power couple." I told. Now I heard him chuckle as he slowly raised his hands to grip the bars, the papers bending with his hold.

"Yeah, I never expected my beta to be a woman who loves to rebel and being a part of a terrorist group… plus I am Hispanic. But you can't really tell." he said. I glanced at him for a second stepping closer to him now to get a better look at him. His eyes seemed to deepen as I grew closer to him, his orbs moving all over my face to examine me more.

"Yeah you don't look Hispanic." I replied, but sighed heavily and stepped back some looking at him with fearful eyes which made the sadness return to his. Nottingham hasn't come to see me yet and it seemed today was the only day I had to have an answer for my somewhat freedom.

"If I don't agree to this what will happen?" I asked. He looked at me firmly and shrugged.

"You stay here and we charge you with terrorism against the U.S. That means you go away for a very long time." he said. I looked at him now.

"But if I am your beta, you wouldn't let that happen." I assumed. He stared at me for a moment.

"Whether you are my beta or not, I will fight to uphold the law." he said. I looked away feeling trapped once more. I shook my head. If prison meant I could maintain my freedom, then maybe that's what is supposed to happen to me. I looked at him with defiance.

"I will not sign my life away to you." I replied. His body stiffened.

"You'd rather go to jail than be with me?" he asked his tone icy, and I knew if I did this, then my life would be over for something I did not do. My lips quivered as I nodded.

"Yes." I whispered and he just leaned back from the cells as if he couldn't believe what he had just heard. He then looked down as if he was betrayed by his best friend. After a few seconds his face tightened up and he looked back up at me.

"Well I'm sorry you feel that way. Since you get one phone call, I made it for you. I'll await your decision." he said quickly and walked away. The second he was out of view; my parents were standing across the precinct next to the female cop from earlier. I stepped up to the bars and gripped them immediately.

"Mom! Dad!" I exclaimed out as they approached swiftly placing their hands over mine.

"Amara, baby are you alright?" Mom asked quickly, and I nodded.

"I'm fine. But I didn't do what they say I did!" I said with panic.

"I told you what being involved with that group could do. It could get you into trouble. Trouble we can't get you out of!" Dad said with pain in his voice.

"You could get me a lawyer. All I did was watch the protest. I didn't start that riot." I replied. Mom looked at my AntiDom shirt.

"Yet you are wearing their clothes, any cop would assume you were a part of it." she said. Dad leaned in toward me now.

"That attorney guy called us and told us what happened…. He also says he is your alpha." he said. I winced and looked at him.

"He could be lying. Albert says some people, stalkers, and rapists can say a person's their betas just to lure them and trap them into servitude." I said. My father's eyes hardened on me as he gently caressed my face.

"No honey, I don't think he's lying. Albert Nottingham is a crackpot! The way that man described his feelings came from feelings of instinct. I know I can tell even after looking at his face." he said. My dad's a deception researcher who went to college and studied the body and mind when it came to alphas to figure out how to find out if someone is lying or not about the bond. He studied facial features of men and women who do find their alphas and figured out how to tell when they truly feel something, versus when they don't. He's so good, he started his own business and helps the police deal with alphas and betas cases to make sure the bond was real and he used his findings to help determine how cases should be handled when it came to issues between the mated pair. He was really good. Mom's a school teacher for one of the elementary schools in the city. She was lucky in this mate-ship. They were childhood sweethearts, grew up in the same neighborhood and everything. So when my father gold older and matured, he saw my mother in a new light and knew he had found his beta in her.

"So you believe him." I said and my father nodded.

"I do." he said. Mother squeezed my hand.

"He told us about the deal he made with you yesterday. A judge will wipe your record clean if you leave that cult and accept that ADA as your alpha." she said. I frowned.

"Yes." I replied and now she looked at me as if I were crazy.

"And you took that deal?" she assumed, and I looked at her like she was crazy.

"No. I will not sign my life away to that man!" I whispered harshly. My parents frowned.

"This is a get out of jail free card, Amara." Father said.

"And he's a district attorney. He has money, power, and can give you a good life. That is all we really wanted for you and you said it yourself, you wanted a man with a future." she said. I stepped back and threw my hands up.

"Yes, a man I got to choose myself not one who got to choose me!" I said feeling like I was losing my mind. Father sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"We've never steered you wrong, baby. We have always done our best to support any decisions you've made with your life, but I will tell you right now, as your father, I think you are wrong, and I think you are making a horrible mistake." he said. I looked at him hurt that he would say that for I never wanted to disappoint my parents, but I didn't think they would be so willing to give up my freedom.

"Dad, I am fighting for my civil rights here!" I said. Mother frowned.

"Girl, you don't even have the slightest clue what we had to do to fight for civil rights for _our_ people!" she said. My lips lightened at her words and I looked down now. I know my parents did the real fighting in their generation for true equality. Alphas existed back then but it didn't mean anything for white America back then. "Look baby, I know from one side it seems like a horrible card to be dealt, but I am not going to let you throw your life away and rot in prison because of a stupid choice you made."

"If you agree to the terms and at least try. If something happens our doors are always open." Dad said, and I felt tears stream down my face. I wiped my tears away and crossed my arms looking to my right at nothing to just think. I didn't want to go to jail either.

"Remember baby," Mother started, and I looked at her. Her eyes looked wise and stern," _You_ are in this cell facing jail time… that Nottingham guy is not." I stared at her with fearful eyes before just moving back up to the cell and leaning into my parents of which they reached around and embraced me. I sighed deeply feeling myself giving up, but I had to get out of this cell. I needed to get back to my life.

"I'll take the deal." I said lowly knowing they heard me. They body leaned back and caressed my cheek and nodded.

"We'll go get the attorney." Mom said, and I watched them walk away and looked back at the numerous police working and doing their jobs. Time was moving forward for them, but in this cell alone, it felt like time had stopped. It hurt to hold my parents from behind the cell bars, and I didn't want anything to take me from them ever. The cell was starting to open and fill with prostitutes. Some of them were looking at me with a scowl. Rafael Barba approached the bars and I turned and looked at him. He was just staring at me luckily with no humor or look of victory. I approached the bars and he took a small step toward.

"You agreed to the deal?" he asked. I just stared at him trying my best not to scowl or frown. I just nodded.

"Yes." I replied.

"And your relationship with Billy Conlan?" he asked.

"I have no relationship with Billy Conlan." I replied. He looked skeptical.

"You sleeping with him?" he pressed.

"No." I replied.

"I'll sleep with him!" a woman with a busted lip and smeared make up yelled out. I rolled my eyes and was happy she didn't see it.

"Do I have to live with you?" I asked. He nodded, but his eyes remained soft.

"That's a part of the deal." he said.

"Do I get my own room?" I pressed and he inhaled some before nodding.

"I can make that arrangement." he said.

"I'll share a room with him if you not!" the woman called out. I sighed and closed my eyes. God, I needed to get out of here.

"I will do it." I replied. He nodded and looked at a policeman who came over and opened the cell door. They slid open and I inhaled with utter happiness and stepped out. The same policeman removed the handcuffs. Rafael looked at me and held up the paper work and a pen.

"If you will sign these now, then they'll get everything processed and we will get you out of here." I looked at the small stack of papers and slowly took them and the pen. I sighed and moved over to the edge of the nearest table. My hand shook a bit as I signed the long lines at the bottom. I was in a daze the entire time as I signed. Still I felt I was giving my life away. Once it was done, I just quickly gave the papers to him not even able to look at him.

"Thank you. Your parents are waiting in the lobby." he said. My eyes brightened at that as he held his hand up toward the lobby and there, they were smiling at me. I smiled with great relief and ran over to them finally embracing them.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Notes

Hi all. I am re-reading each chapter and changing it up so it is not similar to the old Coded. Some things will stay in and then I will take out other parts and rewrite it!

3

After discussing plans to move out of my dorm at school, I gave my parents the dorm key and they left to move my things from there to their house. Mom gave me a jacket, kissed my cheek, and left with my dad. As I just stood in the hall way watching them leave, I began to wonder… Am I a traitor? Did I just give in to an alpha and let him decide my future? Albert, if he cared, he would have come right? Rafael was approaching now wearing a big coat on and a briefcase in his hand.

"Come on. It's supposed to get very cold tonight and we should get you moved in." he said with a polite smile on his face. I just nodded and let him lead.

"So I really have to move in with you?" I asked as he began to move through the building.

"Yes." he replied, and I tucked my hands in my jacket.

"Forever?" I added. He glanced at me as we reached a hall and stood in front of an elevator.

"You're not a prisoner you can go wherever you want as long as I have some knowledge of where you'll be." he replied. I scoffed silently.

"Of course you have to know my every move." I said, and he shook his head and looked down at me with a mild frown.

"Or I'd worry that you weren't safe." he said. I didn't say anything for a moment and just waited for the elevator doors to open. Once it did, I walked in and he followed. I stood in the middle of the elevator and he stood right beside me. The lights were dim, and it slowly began to move down. It was quiet, and I just wanted to close my eyes and be somewhere else. I could feel eyes on me, and I glanced over to see Rafael staring down at me.

"What?" I asked lowly, and he just shook his head and looked away.

"Hm? Nothing." he said. "Do you have a place you've been staying at? Like an apartment. You probably have stuff you'd like to bring?" I shook my head.

"My parents will have my stuff." I answered.

"Oh. Tell me about your parents." he said. I kept my hands tucked into my pockets and shrugged not wanting to be open about anything of my life.

"Dad is a deception researcher, and my mom's a teacher." I answered and walked out of the elevator. His eyes seemed interested now as he sped up to match my speed.

"I've heard about them. They watch and observe alphas to make sure they aren't lying about finding their betas!" he said and I nodded.

"That's correct." I replied. He then looked down at me.

"We've spoken for a moment when they got here. He believes I'm telling the truth?" he asked, and I inhaled some and nodded.

"Yes." I replied. He smiled some and looked ahead.

"So you believe me?" he asked. I stiffened some.

"You wouldn't do all of this if you weren't my alpha." I responded.

"So, do you drive, do you have a car, are you in school?" I nodded.

"Yes I can drive. No I don't have a car. Yes, I am a junior at Marymount University. Journalism." I said. Rafael looked at me with bright eyes.

"You like to write?" he asked opening the door of the building for me, and I exited.

"Yes. Luckily it's Saturday, so I won't miss classes." I said lowly. He nodded in agreement walking down some long steps.

"Good. Education is important, I am glad you have not decided to drop out like most kids do when in cults." he said. Now I stopped in my place and glared and he raised his hands. "Sorry." I rolled my eyes.

"It isn't a cult. Albert told us to never quit our jobs or leave school for AntiDom. He wanted us to think for ourselves. We hosted groups at specific times in certain locations so we could meet. Some betas ranted about their alphas while most of us spoke in fear of how horrible it will be when become taken." I said. By now we had stopped by a black expensive looking car, and Rafael suddenly put his arms on either side of me, causing me to lean back in mild shock. My body pressed against the car and he just trapped me there staring at me deeply. I was already intimidated by him. What would he do to me? Would he hurt me for speaking negatively about alphas?

"You have nothing to be afraid of when you are with me." he said. People were walking by not even paying much attention to us. I leaned back into the car trying to create more space between us.

"We will see." I said. He slowly nodded and leaned back up and opened the passenger's side of the car for me. I got in and sat on the leather seats. Rafael got in, started the car, and began to drive. I looked out the window hoping nobody I knew saw me. "So what about you? What were your parents like?" Rafael shook his head some.

"I don't talk about my dad. My mom wasn't his beta so he walked out when he found his." he said. I arched a brow.

"I see. Do you live in a big house?" I asked. He chuckled dryly.

"It's a decent size." he replied.

"What am I supposed to call you?" I asked. Alpha? Master? Sir? He winced and looked at me confused.

"Rafael." he said as if I just asked an awkward question. I kept my eyes forward not really responding just yet.

"What are the rules?" I asked. Alphas made rules all the time. He shrugged.

"You go to school, I go to work. I would like to have some knowledge of where you will be after school that's not at AntiDom should you plan be elsewhere. I would like for you to stay home and not work. I can take care of both of us. If you decide to work though, we can make it work." he said. I only nodded slowly.

"Do you want kids?" I asked quietly. His lips pierced together and he just cleared his throat.

"Yes, when we are both ready." he replied.

"What if I don't want kids?" I asked. He was still for a moment before looking down.

"Guess that'll be a conversation we can have later on down the road once we get to know each other more." he said glancing at me with a light smile.

"Albert says all alphas want to do is breed us. I mean it is expected of a beta, right?" I asked. His eyes hardened on me.

"No one should make you do anything you don't want to. You are still a human being and you have rights." he said.

"But if an alpha wants kids, his wants outweigh the needs of the beta?" I asked looking at him now. He nodded.

"Yes." he replied. I didn't believe that he actually believed that. There was just no way. "How do you get to school?" I looked ahead again having nothing to say.

"The bus, sometimes I walk." I answered. He shook his head now with disapproval.

"No that won't do. We can work on getting you a car." he said. I shook my head.

"I don't have the money right now. School is important and I am not working." I said.

"Well I do so I will." he replied. I just kept eyes forward and nodded. He glanced over at me and back on the road.

"So your hair… I hear that African Americans have to do a lot of maintenance to their hair." he said. I arched a brow and looked at him and he looked at me confused and unsure. "Is that true?" He sounded genuinely curious now.

"You don't have any black friends you can ask about that?" I asked. He gave an embarrassed shrug glancing at me and then back on the road.

"My black friends aren't my beta." he said. I shrugged in response thinking he got one point for at least asking about my hair even he wasn't really taking an interest in it.

"For some yes. I need to get a silk scarf, a satin bonnet, and a satin pillow case." I replied. He arched a brow.

"Why all of that?" he asked.

"My hair gets dry and can break on cotton. Even though I do relaxers on my hair I have to work twice as hard to keep my hair moisturized." I replied. Now there was silence as he nodded before squinting some and looking at me.

"And a relaxer is…?" he asked. I thought I would be annoyed at his questions, but honestly, I loved explaining to people about hair care, so I just looked at him.

"It's a chemical straightener. People get perms for curly hair others get relaxers to straighten their hair." I replied. He blinked a few times.

"Okay. We can get you those things that you need." he said. I looked at him now.

"I'll have to do that alone." I replied, and he tilted his head.

"Why?" he asked.

"A lot of people who know me in my community know that I don't have an alpha. If you're with me, they will know. Albert will find out and change a lot of his routines in the group. My knowledge can only go so far if he changes things." he said. He slowly nodded.

"You know I thought it would be difficult to get you to agree to do all this. You seem so willing to give up your people." he said. I hid my scowl.

"I'm not willing to do anything… but If it helps me avoid jail time, then it was my only option." I replied. Plus, I couldn't do that to my parents. I couldn't hurt them that way. I could hear him sighing with attitude.

"Great." he said. We were in a neighborhood now full of nice and big houses. I saw mostly white faces and just turned kept my head down. Now he pulled in to a white and brown two-story house. It was better than anywhere I have stayed. He cut off his engine and looked at me with a polite smile. "I've taken the entire weekend to get you settled in, so you tell me where to go and we'll go." I shook my head.

"No. You don't need to do that. I don't need a lot. I can get my things like clothes from my parents and that's all I need." I replied. He shook his head.

"You're not a guest in my home, this is going to be your home too, and I want you to be comfortable." he argued.

"That will take time." I nearly snapped. Rafael sighed and just leaned back in his seat, and I did the same. I placed my fingers on my forehead rubbing them slowly.

"It's my job to take care of you, like it or not. This is happening, so please just get used to it." he said looking at me. I gave a defiant stare for a second before sighing and looking away.

"Just take me to all the places you are familiar with shopping at. I don't want to be recognized." I said getting out of the car not noticing his victorious smile.


	4. Chapter 4

4

We began to walk up the front porch of my new prison cell and I looked around at the neighborhood as I did. This area was very fancy.

"So… are you good at what you do? Being an attorney?" I asked. He smirked some.

"I am very good at what I do." he answered opening the door and stepping in. "Most of the time I am here, I am working. Sometimes I am never home, but with you here, that'll change." Please don't change.

He sounded like he was trying to assure me. I followed him inside and was met with wooden floors. Naturally I began to take off my shoes, but he insisted I didn't need to do that. He gave me a tour of the downstairs area. He had a nice and big kitchen and a dining room area and a bathroom next to his living room area. There were a lot of paintings on his wall as well as small statues in corners of the room. He took me upstairs where he showed me the guest room.

"This will be your room. There's a walk in closet and a full bathroom and everything else you need." he said. He gave me the chance to walk inside and look around for a bit before showing me his office. There was one more guest room I got to see before seeing his actual room and it was bigger than both guest rooms. It had a large king size bed and full bathroom and closet with a big dresser and flat screen TV.

"Woah." I said and looked inside, leaning my body in.

"You can go in." he said. I glanced at him wanting to make sure, so I wasn't being rude and he motioned his head in. "Go on." I gave a nod before walking in slowly looking around. His closet I went into first, and I saw nothing but suits. I chuckled now, genuinely.

"Are suits all you own?" I asked. Rafael smiled and moved inside as well. He smiled.

"I have normal people clothes… in my dresser." he said humorously. Wow he actually tried to be funny.

"Well I am jealous your room is bigger than mine." I casually joked which felt odd to do in my position and I immediately regretted it. He smiled more keeping his hands tucked into pockets.

"Well I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable. You're always welcome in my room until the day comes you… may want to move in here." he said. I felt my face fall a bit in thought of his words, and I looked from the suits to him. How eager was he to please me, to make this work I wonder? I moved from the closet and he met me in the middle of the room, just staring down at me.

"Out of all the places I could have found you, it had to be in a police station." he said lightly. I just looked away hiding my scowl.

"What would you have done… if you saw me anywhere else?" I asked lightly looking back at him. He looked up in thought now.

"I would approach you and maybe say some cheesy line to get you to laugh maybe. Introduce myself, ask you to dinner, then maybe tell you that you are my beta in hopes you'll accept me and not reject me." he said. I leaned back from him a bit just nodded walking around him and toward the door.

"You got an easy win then. You put me in a position that I was unable to refuse." I replied.

"No you put yourself in a position that you could not afford to refuse. I saved you from prison." he argued.

"No you used prison and my parents lock me down." I said turning to him. He faced me.

"Look I wish we could have met under different circumstances, truly I do. It wasn't my intent to hurt you." he said.

"If I still refused your deal, you'd have fought to put me in prison for something I wasn't even a part of. Cops put innocent black people away all the time and that's what you would have done to me." I said. He looked at me with a wince.

"I would not have completely sent you go to jail. I'd keep offering you the deal until the very end!" he stated. I didn't believe him. Like all alpha's he's a liar and a snake. He just wears and tie and has the police at his command. Thinking about how I was trapped here was just making me even angrier. I looked everywhere else except him before remembering how hungry I was. And in seconds my stomach started to growl, and Rafael just looked at my stomach.

"You haven't eaten since you were brought in." he said. No shit. I just crossed my arms.

"Do you cook?" I asked. He gave a dry chuckle and scratched the back of his head now looking at the floor some.

"Um no. Never really got the hang of that life skill." He replied. "But I can learn!" I just stared at him for a moment before pointing back to his door.

"I'll just… go look in your fridge and just make what I find." I offered. I didn't need his help anyways. He nodded slowly.

"There may not be a lot in there." he told. I just stared at him for a moment.

"You got bread?" I asked. He nodded. "Cold cuts?" He nodded once more. "Cheese?" He kept nodding. "I should be fine." I just turned and moved back into the hallway and made my way back through the house. God it was big. I hear his feet behind me.

"Look we can go grocery shopping, too. I'll get us anything you want." he said.

"I have money, I can buy my own things, so you don't have to." I said as I reached the bottom steps of the stairs. Before I could reach the kitchen, I felt his hand gently touch my shoulder, stopping me from moving as he stepped in front of me.

"You're not my roommate, Amara. In this house, there is no buying something for you and me buying something for me. In this house, exclude my office, everything is yours." he explained. I began to frown thinking if I had access to his stuff then he would have access to my stuff which would not sit well with me. "Which means if I want to buy food for my house… that you may favor then I will. Understand?" I looked him over.

"I am not ready for a relationship let alone to have an alpha. Now that you are here… I'll never get to experience having my own place by myself. I like my stuff to be my stuff. I am not emotionally, financially or physically ready to have a man in my life and I understand that technically you no longer get to have that either. But right now, I am scared. I am living with a stranger I do not know. I do not want you close to me or touching me for that matter, yet by law I have to let you do that, I have to let you call the shots." I explained. His eyes looked at me intently as I spoke.

"And I am sorry for making you feel afraid completely turning your life upside down, but I had to do something in order to ensure you stay out of prison. It was my only option." he said. I winced and shook my head.

"You could have let me go… you could have made a deal to give me community service or pay a fine. But instead we are here, because you have that power." I said looking down not wanting to look at him.

"Then I will admit I am selfish, because I will do whatever it takes to make sure you aren't taken from me." he said lightly, as if defeated. This was him, showing himself to me. I just looked up at him to see his eyes were mildly firm. "That's the selfishness of any alpha, to make sure their beta is always safe and out of harms way and in prison, I would never be able to protect you and I would be failing you every day that you were in there." I felt knots forming in my stomach at his words and I just looked away some closing my eyes.

"Can I please get something to eat now?" I asked no longer wanting to discuss this for I was sure to start crying out of anger now. Rafael leaned back now and just began to loosen his tie and walk back toward the stairs.

"Eat what you want." Was his only reply as he hurried up the stairs. I just remained standing there before pressing my back against the doorway and looked down crying silently.

Rafael's POV

My blood was boiling, and I knew I just had to get away from her before I lost it and did something I may come to regret. She had no idea what she did to me, just standing so close was causing so many emotions to grow inside me. Not to mention the way her smell made my body react. I moved to my office and closed the door locking it quickly. She's accepted me, but not willingly. I placed my back to the door and took even breaths. Everything inside me said I should have taken her when we were in my bed room, tore her clothes off and find out the hard way if he was a virgin or not. I shook my head violently.

"Pull yourself together!" I said harshly to myself. Never had I ever contemplating forcing myself on a woman before. And now here she comes, and I revert to my basic instincts. Me man, she woman. I put people like that in jail for attacking people like that. Is this what it means to be an alpha. I just become some mindless brute who can't control himself? But it was only around her. It was the bond that had been created between our souls that makes my heart heavy and my entire body start to tighten with need. Already I could feel my cock swelling with blood from just that interaction with her down stairs. No. I needed to do better. She's scared. She's afraid to be here with me a stranger. That alone made the blood go down and the swelling disappear. I would never take any type of pleasure knowing she was in any form of pain. I needed some time alone to think of the proper approach to getting her to warm up to me. She was right though, I knew nothing about her, and she knew nothing about me. But that could change! We could get to know each other, our fears, our aspirations in life. There was nothing she could ever do to make me not want her.

I sat down at my desk and pulled out a bottle of scotch I kept in my desk drawer for times of stress. I poured me a glass and just enjoyed the taste of it. I remember in college, I could look at any girl I wanted and feel anything I wanted for them. But now it was so different, those feelings felt miniscule compared to what I was feeling now. I didn't care if the universe chose her for me, to feel this happiness that I have someone, was the best feeling in the world. I didn't want to lose it and I didn't want to lose her.

Amara's POV

Rafael definitely was a workaholic. He didn't have much food. He must be one of those lawyers who eats take out at work. I managed to put a turkey sandwich together and eat it in silence just eating it over a napkin I found by the sink. I found some unopened water bottles in the fridge and just took one. I pulled my phone out noticing I had some messages from Billy and my parents. They managed to get my things from my dorm and would be talking to the school to ensure I no longer had to pay for it. I texted my thanks to mom. She asked me how I was doing and I just told her I was alive. She urged me to look on the bright side of things. At least my alpha wasn't a bum and has something going for himself. She actually said I should consider myself lucky. She was not helping. I made sure to wipe the counter of any bread crumbs into the trash. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and I just sighed and looked at Rafael. He was in a pair of tan slacks and a black polo shirt. He gave a polite smile.

"You ready to go? I figured getting out of this house may make your day a little better." he said. Guess the conversation from earlier was over. There was no getting around or out of this. He is my alpha and I had to do my best to survive him. I nodded casually.

"Yeah." I replied and followed him out the door.

"Get ready, we have a lot of shopping to do. If you want, we can go get some things from your parents place. Then we can go get anything else to fill up your new room to your liking… if that's what you want." he said. I just nodded slowly.

"Okay." I replied. And we did exactly that. After taking him to my parents, thankfully they had all of my clothes in my suitcases packed and ready. We placed them in Rafael's trunk while ignoring all the stares from people in the neighborhood. I hugged them and departed from them. We were on our way into the city now. There were so many places I have never been to before. I only wanted to get a few new clothes, but Rafael insisted we get anything that would make my stay more comfortable. That meant getting everything for my hair products, getting me expensive jackets for the winter, a new phone, new shoes, pajamas everything. I offered to take his number into my new phone of which made him smile with delight. To try and not be very hostile, as it was definitely exhausting to be frowning all day, I texted his number, so he had my number. He even gave me his work number and extension. We went back to his house only once to drop everything off, quickly put my clothes away, before going back out to get groceries.

Honestly, the only thing on my mind was what will happen if he takes me. I could fight him, but would that be violating the agreement I was forced to make with him? Lord knows I didn't read the contract I signed with him. Lord I could have agreed to be his sex slave for all I knew and never go against his wishes. God what am I to do? My mind also drifted to Billy.

I would have to stop being friends with him, and honestly I did not want to do that either.


	5. Chapter 5

5

We shopped for many different ingredients, cold cuts, drinks and more that he liked and that I liked. From desserts to appetizers. I knew some ideas from Pinterest would give me some cooking ideas.

Billy had been calling me all day and I had been ignoring his calls since Rafael was with me most of the day. He even texted me. I felt bad for ignoring my friend's messages, but I didn't want to get into another argument with Rafael.

'I heard you were out of jail where are you?' was the last message I was able to sneak and read.

'Hey why aren't you answering my texts, did I do something?' I winced and sent him a quick text.

'I'm fine. I'll call when I can'

"Billy Conlan is pretty eager to get ahold of you." Rafael said catching my attention. We were in the car driving home now from this game store. I was going to get a Wii system. The games helped me wind down from school. My roommate had one and she was kind enough to let me use hers without really having to ask. I was going to ask to buy it from her before getting arrested. Rafael argued about it, saying it was for kids. It pissed me off and I planned to buy it for myself, but he bought it for me to make me happy. I said I would get it, but he insisted. I looked back up wondering how he even knew Billy was messaging me? Obviously, I was looking at my phone too much, or at least sneaking to.

"When you were in the dressing room at the mall, I saw he had messaged you… 12 times. You also have 16 mixed calls from him." he added. I bit the inside of my cheek checking my phone to see he was right.

"He's worried about me." I said. He nodded slowly.

"You should call him… and tell him what happened." he advised. I shook my head.

"No! I... I need to talk to him in person." I replied. He now shook his head.

"No. That's not a good idea, you don't need to have any contact with him." he said. I arched a brow.

"Why? You think something's going to happen between us?" I asked. He nodded quickly.

"Yes that's exactly what I think. I have seen Conlan's matches. He doesn't like to lose and neither do I. I don't need him causing issues between us." he said. I rolled my eyes.

"You're just afraid we will have sex or something." I said. Before I could even think, the car came to a screeching halt, and my body jerked forward. I was glad I had my seat belt on or my head would have hit the glass. Cars stopped behind us honking like crazy and I almost panicked.

"What the hell!" I asked looking at Rafael to see a look of pure anger on his face. His grip on the steering wheel was so tight, his knuckles were completely white. My eyes widened wondering what the hell was going on.

"Please… do not ever… talk about having sex…with another man… in front of me... again." he commanded looking at me with his eyes. I blinked and looked down swallowing some. "It's hard enough trying to block the images of another man… touching you. You talking about it isn't helping." I shook my head.

"I didn't say I was going to up and do it I-"

"Stop, just stop, enough!" he snapped looking at me. I grew immediately quiet and just looked away. I couldn't believe he was taking this so seriously. Billy was not my boyfriend. He was my friend of many other men and women. He didn't get to determine my friends now too!

'Alpha's do not want to hear your explanations. They just want you to do as you're told. That is your role as a beta, to be submissive and nothing else'. Once we got to his house, I just helped bring everything inside in silence. Rafael would ask me to hand him something and I would do it, but not answer him when he thanked me. Once it was done, he looked at me.

"Amara, I'm sorry-" but I didn't want to hear it. I just left the kitchen and went upstairs to my new room. I closed my door and just moved to my new bed. I sat down on the side and just curled my fingers together and just stared off into space. I moved to my pocket to get my phone, but I only felt empty pockets. My eyes widened, and I looked up and remembered I left it on the counter top in the kitchen. I mumbled and got up and left the room. I moved down the stairs only to hear Rafael on the phone.

"Hello, Billy Conlan. This is Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba… yes I know whose phone this is. It's Amara's phone, and I am going to have to ask you to stop all communication with her… No. I am not her attorney, I am her alpha and that alone is above any reasons you have to have contact with her." he said. My eyes widened, and I hit the last step and turned to see him still in the kitchen on my phone. "I understand you and her are friends, but I am just telling you that all of that stops now. That means no texting her, no calling her, and definitely no visiting her. If I even catch you harassing her, then I will put out a restraining order against you, and I am not above suing."

I just stood there and listened to him threaten my best friend. He hung up my phone and put it down. It was quiet for a second and he turned and whipped his head at me. He looked just as shocked as I was, like a child who had just took something and was caught by his mother. He was speechless, his lips moved a bit trying to form words, but I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want to hear anything form him. I just shook my head and ran back up the stairs. I moved back to my room and just slammed the door and moved over to my bed and just fell on it and cried.

He lied. He was such a liar. Albert was right. Alphas were dangerous and couldn't be trusted. All they wanted to do was own your mind, body and soul. I had to fight this. I had to get out of this agreement somehow. I remained in my room most of the night. I came out only to quietly get my phone. He was lucky it was still where he had set it down. I even snuck back to my room. Just as I made it to the door Rafael's doorknob jiggled and I quickly rushed into the room before it opened.

I was just getting out of the shower and for once I felt relaxed. That shower jet nozzle spray was amazing. I had on a lavender lace gown that I had already owned in the past and was combing my hair. I had my radio on. In the Night, by the Weekend was playing. I moved over to the window and just stared out it for a moment. I inhaled some wondering what I was even going to do this weekend.

I felt it was only a matter of time before members of AntiDom found me. The only question was when and how. Were they even worried about me? Did it even matter at this point?

I heard the door open, and I could see Rafael coming in from the reflection of the window. He was wearing nothing but red boxers. For an old man his body was surprising toned. How was I supposed to even tell any of them about the deal we had? Oh that's right, if I didn't go along with it I would go to prison. I tried to let my mind wander somewhere else. I looked up at the stars as they were everywhere. Maybe I could count them or even explore the ceiling when he was on top of me. I was already lost in my mind, because I jumped a bit at hands on my shoulders. I looked down a bit look at him through the window.

He leaned forward and kissed my right shoulder blade. I did my best not to move jump from his hold.

"I'm sorry." he whispered rubbing my shoulders softly. I was frozen, I didn't want him to touch me.

"For what exactly?" I asked, my voice breaking. He looked up at me with soft eyes.

"For yelling at you earlier, for answering your phone and saying what I said to Conlan without your permision." he replied gently. I still didn't reply. What was he expecting me to do?

"I don't want you to not enjoy this… I was hoping to do this when you were ready." he said. I felt his lips trailing up my shoulders and soon over my neck. I turned my head away only for it to appear that I was exposing my neck to him.

"And if I am never ready?" I asked nervously looking down. Now I felt his tongue glide over my jugular causing me to shut my eyes.

"Mm we could wait," he hummed gently, his right hand moving over my stomach rubbing it gently, "But the longer I wait, the instincts inside me grow. The need to claim you will be so strong after a while, and I will eventually take you without your consent. And I really want to avoid that by any means necessary." I thought about his words keeping my eyes closed for a moment.

"Just do what you need to do." I replied. Now he slowly turned me around, so I was facing him. My eyes shut even tighter now, a whimper of fear escaping me.

"Amara… look at me please." he said, his tone so weak it actually sounded like he was begging. Slowly I opened my eyes looking up at him. I would not be afraid to show him that I did not want this. He saw this in my eyes and sighed looking away. "I do not want you to feel you have to submit to my every wish. I want you to want me. I want you to want to do things with me." he said. A part of me wondered if he was really serious. I looked away in thought.

"I do not know if I can give you what you ask… if you truly have to force me then you will have to force me." I said with pain in my voice. Rafael shook his head placing his hands over my face and forcing me to look at him, the pain and confusion evident on his face.

"Why would you do that to yourself? Put yourself in a position to be… forced?" he asked.

"Because when the day comes that I want to lie with someone I want it to be because I wanted to lie with them. I want it to be my choice to continue or back out when I want to." I said.

"Are you saying you can't do that with me?" he asked. I didn't have the answer to that.

"I don't know because I don't know you." I replied honestly. Rafael looked down at himself for a moment as if searching for the answers anywhere but in my face.

"Aside from the obvious, what do I have to do to make you happy?" he asked. The obvious, he meant the obvious of letting me go home right now and back to my life and never having to see him again?

"How about letting me live my life as if I wasn't your beta?" I asked. He winced and frowned running his hands over his face and walking away from me in annoyance.

"I cannot do that!" he said. "Look I can buy you clothes, jewelry, anything you want. But I cannot act like you aren't mine." I shook my head.

"I don't want you to buy me things. Money doesn't matter to me." I exclaimed. He gave a gentle scoff.

"Well I am lucky a woman who isn't materialistic. I guess I can return the game system and the clothes I bought you then." he said.

"If that would make you happy then fine. I can buy what I need." I replied.

"It's not about what makes me happy. I want to make you happy!" he snapped. I could feel the obvious tension in the room. We've been together for too long today and now we were both tired of each other even though he wouldn't admit it.

"You want to know what would make me happy in this very moment?" I asked. I could tell he was afraid to ask. I just motioned to the door. "Just go. Sleep in your room tonight. We both just need to rest from each other." He winced at my words and sighed before nodding.

"Fine. I have tomorrow off, can I take you to breakfast?" he asked.

"I like to work out before breakfast." I told. He nodded running his fingers through his hair.

"Can I go with you? Not to keep tabs on you or anything, just to get out?" he asked. I looked him over some. I could say no and send him to bed stressed, but I wasn't that kind of person who would purposely try to bring stress upon someone's soul like that. Maybe I should to Rafael for trapping me in a relationship with him, but he has not been cruel to me yet. Maybe I should wait for that to happen before shutting down from him completely. I just nodded.

"Alright." I replied. His eyes suddenly sparkled, and he nodded moving to the door.

"Alright then. Wake me up when you get up no matter how hard I'm sleeping. Hit me if you have to." he said with excitement. I just nodded awkwardly not expecting him to be excited. "Good night." I nodded.

"Good night." I replied gently.


	6. Chapter 6

6

I lied beneath the blankets for a while staring up at the ceiling seeming lost. What was I to do? I felt so closed off. So of course, I called my mom for guidance

"Honey, I know you don't like the circumstances you have found yourself in, but he doesn't seem like a bad guy." she said.

"Yeah well you aren't in my position." I replied.

"You put yourself in this position. We told you that group could be trouble, but you insisted on being involved. And in the end you ended up finding your soul mate and in a handsome Hispanic attorney." she said. I winced shaking my head some.

"What does him being Hispanic have to do with anything?" I asked.

"Hispanic men are really nice. I dated a few Hispanic men before your father, and I reconnected, and I found out he was my alpha." she explained.

"I don't want to have to give my life up for anyone." I said lowly.

"No one is saying you have to. He doesn't seem to want you to give up your life for him." she said.

"And how would you know?" I asked.

"Because believe it or not every alpha is different. I have met alphas who seem like dictators in their own homes and I have also met alphas who worship the ground their betas walk on. Your alpha is a good man, a man who seems good at his job and holds himself to a high standard as we have always held you to one. Maybe you should stop being angry at how you two met and try to actually get to know him. See what he likes how he got to where he is today. He's handsome and charming and I can tell he really likes you." she explained.

"Because his genes tell him he is." I told.

"And that's a bad thing? I think if you can get out from that cult's spell, then you may be able to be happy again. Be thankful that he got you out of jail with a clean record. I am thankful for that. From how he dresses, I know he lives in a nice neighborhood and fancy house, and he seems willing to share the life he made for himself with you." she said kindly. I looked away hating that she sounded right.

"It's just all so new to me." I replied.

"Of course, it is. Dating isn't the same anymore where two people meet and can just talk to see if they're compatible." she said. My eyes filled with interest now.

"People used to date like that?" I asked.

"Very long ago honey. Now alphas and betas exist because betas are chosen to probably produce the best offspring for certain alphas." she said. That didn't help.

"Are there people out there who aren't alphas _or_ betas?" I asked.

"If there are, we will never know." she replied. "But there probably are alphas out there who never find their betas leaving the betas open to be with whoever they want to be."

"Then they're the lucky ones." I muttered.

"Which one, the betas or the alphas?" she asked. Honestly, I didn't even know the answer to that. Everyone was a servant to everyone it seemed. "I'm going to bed honey. Good night. Love you." I continued staring at the ceiling.

"Love you." I replied and hung up. I curled up in the comfortable blanket just getting lost in my own mind. I really never did think of Rafael and how he was trapped basically with me, a stranger he didn't know. However, his feelings tell him he's happy and that he has someone to call his own. Why don't I get to have those feelings? Maybe I would be happy if somehow my mind changed and told me I cared for him. I would never even know any feelings before I met him. If only I could be so lucky. I let my mind carry me to sleep and just as quick as I fell asleep, the sun began to rise. I slowly rolled onto my back and stared at this unfamiliar place. I closed my eyes wishing to go back to sleep, but I'm an early riser. I had to get my day started. I removed my scarf and tied it back. I moved to my… dresser and was thankful I put everything away. I pulled on some work out leggings, my sports bra and a tank top before moving to put my socks and shoes on. I grabbed my hoody and walked out of my room. I looked down the unfamiliar hall and then bac toward his bed room.

I could just leave I could go for my jog and then come back. But then that would lead to an argument and I didn't want to argue. The happy look on his face when I told him he could come with me played on my face and I just sighed and crossed my arms. Well it's not like I have a key to lock up anyways. I would never be so petty or irresponsible that I would leave someone's house and leave their door unlocked no matter what neighborhood I was in. I needed to get a move on, so I had time for breakfast. Believe it or not I kept a strict schedule for my mornings. I moved over to his door and just remembered what my mother said. Just try. I knocked gently on his door. I could hear light snoring coming from inside. I knocked again thinking of knocking harder but now I kind of didn't want to wake him up if he was sleeping hard.

I looked down at the door knob remembering he wanted me to hit him to wake him up. So he wanted me to go in. I slowly opened the door and moved into his room. It was completely dark, yet I could see the silhouette of everything inside due to the sun light trying to pour in from behind his dark curtains. I saw Rafael's back and just moved up to him not caring if I made any noise. Maybe he would wake up from hearing someone in his room. But no he didn't stir at all. So I just moved over to his curtains and just pulled them open. The room brightened with sun and Rafael's eyes suddenly tightened as he groaned.

"What the hell!" he muttered turning on the opposite side now. I couldn't help but smirk and move over to the end of his bed.

"I felt this was better then hitting you awake." I replied casually. Rafael groaned more and looked around squinting.

"What time is it?" he asked raggedly.

"Almost seven." I responded tucking my hands in my pockets. He reached for his phone and confirmed my words before groaning. I rolled my eyes and he glanced at me.

"Wow… you look good." he said blinking the sleep from his eyes. I just gave a polite nod.

"Thanks. Look you don't have to come with me. If you really want to stay in and sleep you can. It's no big deal. I'll come back." I told. He looked at me with a look of anxiousness.

"Will you though?" he asked. I kept my hands tucked into my pockets as I felt myself withdrawing from him already this morning.

"Yes." I replied.

"Did you even want me to go last night?" he asked lightly, and I just shrugged.

"I've always been a solo person when it came to the gym on campus. But it couldn't hurt to have a jogging partner when it came to running outside. People are crazy and I never want to put myself in a victimizing position." I replied looking at my feet now. I wondered what he would say. Maybe I could let him make us breakfast or something so we could eat when I got back.

"Then I will go with you. It's smart to run in pairs." he said getting up out of the bed. Thank god he was wearing his boxers and a t-shirt. "But you'll have to take it easy on me though and not run too fast. I _am_ an old man." He was moving to his bathroom and I just looked away biting my bottom lip some.

"Yeah, forty-three isn't that old." I said glancing over at him now. He paused in the door way and glanced back at me with a warm look. I just stared at him wondering why he was looking at me like that. "Well come on, hurry up." He smirked now.

"Whatever the lady wants." he said and moved into the bathroom.

"I'll be waiting at the door." I merely replied before leaving his room.

Rafael's POV

Why were there so many butterflies flying around in my stomach? Was I that excited to just go on a run with her? Yeah because I don't run. But just seeing her in her outfit ready to work out got me wanting to work out too. She didn't look at me with the usual scowl she was trying to force on her face every time I looked at her. I knew she was talking with her mom last night, and to give her the privacy she deserved I didn't eavesdrop. I was still hitting myself unable to believe I went to her room with the intent of having sex with her. Stupid man!

She didn't want me sexually and I felt my heart drop. It was understandable, but it still didn't hurt any less. But this morning, she looked at me with less anger. She seemed genuinely calm and I could tell she didn't want to fight or argue about anything and neither did I. I argue enough in the courtroom and with the detectives. The last person I wanted to argue with was my beta. Lord I was going to make a fool out of myself running, but maybe she'll take pity on me. Maybe me being out of shape would make her laugh. Her legs look strong. God I can only imagine how it would feel to have her legs around my hips while I'm on top- Jesus no. Stop!

"Come on man don't ruin this on day two!" I said to myself.

"Rafael are you ready?" she called out loudly. My eyes fluttered close for a second. To hear say my name, god she sounded beautiful.

"Yes, coming mi amor." I whispered before clearing my throat. "Yeah just a second!"

Amara's POV

Rafael was completely out of shape that much I deduced after five minutes of running. We were keeping it in the neighborhood. Many others were jogging as well and didn't think too much of us when we passed them. I was hardly pushing myself, since I had kept a slow pace in order to not lose him. Half of me was wondering why I didn't just leave him behind. Because he wasn't complaining just jogging… slowly.

"As you can *pant pant* probably tell *pant pant* I am totally out of shape." he said. I slowed us down to a brisk walk and looked at him sympathetically.

"I hardly noticed." I commented. He smirked and panted more as we just walked casually.

"Well maybe you can get me back into shape." he said. I glanced at him looking me over.

"Yeah if you can take it." I replied not really trying to challenge him. I honestly didn't think he was serious. He nodded quickly.

"I can. I'm sure of it." he said. I just nodded and looked ahead continuing our brisk walk. "You've always liked exercising?" I knew he was making small talk and I wasn't sure if I really wanted him to know my interests, but what could it hurt.

"Not always. I used to hate it as a kid, but I got into fitness as I got older. Just mild work outs." I replied. I didn't want to talk more, but he wasn't going anywhere. "What about you… got any hobbies?" He grinned.

"I like skiing and getting together with friends on their yachts." he said. I nodded slowly.

"Ah rich important people?" I asked. He motioned his head back and forth.

"Yeah sometimes…" he replied. I gave him a smirk of disbelief.

"You don't own a yacht unless you are rich or important." I said. He chuckled dryly.

"You caught me. I just didn't want to sound like some stuck-up rich asshole." he said.

"Well even stuck up rich assholes are allowed hobbies." I teased.

"Would you believe I wasn't always rich- or well off?" he asked. I looked him over wondering if I would believe that.

"You're stand offish, but you're not entitled. So yeah I believe it." I replied. He arched a brow smiling.

"Why thank you." He teased. I just looked away and smiled. He suddenly looked down at his pants pockets and pulled out his phone. He winced and slowed down. "It's work." I nodded and we paused our walk as he turned and walked only two steps from me to answer the phone.

"Hello…Okay. Fine fine. I will be there. Yeah Goodbye." he said and hung up the phone before wincing at me.

"What's the matter?" I asked.

"A case with AntiDom. The Detectives aressted someone, and we are trying to get him to talk. He is involved with assault on an alpha." he said. I slowly nodded.

"You are needed then." I replied. "Go. I'll be good by myself." He shook his head.

"Actually, you could help me now as part of our agreement." he said gauging my reaction. I tensed now and looked away before nodding.

"Alright." I replied and turned and began to walk back to the direction of his house. He was at my side immediately taking hold of my forearm lightly.

"Look after today, you wont' have anything to do with AntiDom." he said. I looked at him confused.

"I thought you wanted me tell you everything I knew of them?" I said.

"I did, but I realized that using you to help us catch them could be putting you in danger with them." he explained.

"They've never been threatening to me before." I said.

"Yes, because they saw you as one of them. If they find out, you have an alpha and that you are living with me it won't take long for them to see you as an enemy." he said. I winced at his words and looked down in sadness.

"Let's just get back to your place and get this over with." I said. He nodded and followed after me.


	7. Chapter 7

7

Once we were back at his house, we split off and took showers. Once again that shower head made my body feel amazing. Once that was done, I came back out and got dressed in some black leggings, a tank, and a burgundy hoodie. I moved down stairs to see Rafael in grey slacks and his white buttoned up shirt. He was standing over the stove when I entered. He looked over at me and smile, his hair was already neatly combed, and he smiled when he saw me.

"I figured we could eat together before we head into the office. I don't have to go for another hour." he suggested. I could hear the nervousness in his tone. Maybe he was waiting for me to reject his offer. He pointed his spatula at the island that had some mixed fruit in a bowl. My favorites were in them too: blueberries, strawberries, ambrosia apple slices, grapes and pineapple. "Got your favorite fruit out. That veggie bacon is almost ready and then its scrambled eggs coming right up." I blinked a bit, showing I was impressed. I gave a polite, yet genuine, smile and leaned over the island.

"Looks good." I replied and he smiled wider and turned back to the stove.

"You know when you mentioned that veggie bacon I was a bit skeptical but I tried a piece that I made and I got to say, it was pretty good." he said. I grinned and bit a piece of pineapple.

"Told ya." I said. He grinned and leaned back to take a strawberry and bit down on half of it before turning back to the stove. Once the eggs were cooked, he handed me a plate. "Thanks." The eggs looked fluffy and delicious and my veggie bacon was a tad too dark, but I wouldn't complain. It was a nice gesture.

"Coffee?" he asked turning to his Keurig. My nose crinkled.

"No. I don't like coffee." I replied. He chuckled.

"Trust me when you get older, you will worship this drink." he said. I grinned.

"We got orange juice I'll take that." I replied and he nodded and moved to grab a cup from his cabinet along with the jug of orange juice from the fridge. He poured me a glass then got himself coffee. We ate over the island in a moderately comfortable silence.

"Well this is nice." he said suddenly. I glanced up at him and he motioned his head at our plates. "Us just eating and enjoying each other's company." I nodded half heartedly keeping a polite smile.

"Yes." I replied and looked down and kept eating.

"Listen I know I was supposed to have the day off today, and I'm sorry I have to go in. I don't want you to think I'm such a workaholic that I'd put my job over you." he said. I wasn't really thinking anything about his job only that I'd have to talk to an AntiDom member. Right now I didn't care if his job kept him at work all the time. I sipped some of my juice then shook my head.

"Don't worry about it. It's really nothing." I replied. He looked at me half sure.

"You sure? When women say that it usually means the opposite." he said carefully. I nodded.

"You're an attorney. I'm sure you'll get called in by your job all the time. Once school starts tomorrow, I'll be focusing back on it. We may not always see each other, and I think for the time being that's fine until we… get used to each other." I explained watching him now to gauge his reactions. He nodded, his eyes never leaving my face.

"Alright." he said. Now the silence was awkward. "So Journalism at school… do you plan to join any clubs related to your major?"

I began to pick at my eggs in thought.

"I am already involved in clubs. I help organize events for the dance and choir clubs on campus. We perform at school events and things around the city like charities and stuff." I replied. He squinted in confusion.

"Shouldn't you be preparing to go into clubs that go with your field?" he asked. I shrugged not sure why we were having this conversation.

"I have plenty of time to do that. I want to have my…fun while I am young. I made a promise to myself anyways." I replied. He blinked and stared at me curiously.

"What promise?" he asked. I looked up at him now before looking away.

"The promise that if somehow life was cruel enough to give me to someone, it would not change how I lived in college. I would still do everything I wanted." I said lowly. His body stiffened some and he tilted his head now looking smug.

"And that freedom involved throwing your life away for AntiDom?" he asked. I stared at him stiffly for a moment.

"Yes. Because it would have been my choice." I said with confidence and continued to eat. Now there was silence and honesty my appetite was completely gone. Rafael sighed before his jaw tightened again.

"So is organizing things something you like to do?" he asked. I shrugged some trying not to be social.

"I like to do organize things yes." I replied. "You?" He shrugged as well.

"Aside from skiing and yacht parties, I like to golf, attend dinner parties and stuff." he replied. Old man stuff, basically. I just nodded picking at my food some.

"You know you don't ever have to worry about being home for my sake. If you have to work, then you have work. I am sure attorneys must work until the next day. I'll have school stuff to deal with that will keep me there after classes end." I explained. He chewed his food slowly and swallowed as he listened.

"Well that'll be fine. Just as long as you let me know what you'll be doing." he said. I glared already filling offended. So now I have to tell him where I'm at all the time!

"Yes master." I replied sharply and leaned up from the island. He gave me a shocked look obviously surprised by my outburst.

"What- no this is not how we are going to start our morning. We are not going to be fighting every second we are around each other! Amara!" he said setting his coffee mug down. I placed my plate in the sink.

"We have an agreement and I am going to fulfill it." I said running water over the plate.

"You make it sound like your agreement has an expiration date. Well it doesn't. So, grow up and get used to it. When we walk in to the station today you are not going to have any childish tantrums." he stated. I gasped and looked at him.

"Childish tantrums?" I asked.

"Yes childish tantrums. I have an image to uphold in front of my colleagues and you will not come running around throwing fits." he stated. "I am going to get my coat and my briefcase. Want me to get yours?"

I shook my head.

"No. I am just fine. I will get it myself." I told and moved towards the stairs only to have my forearm grabbed and I faced him.

"You need to lose the attitude. You may be my beta but you are still an adult, so act like it." he snapped, and I ripped my arm from his hold.

"You know what Rafael, you don't get it, you got to have a child hood a free child hood with regular worries about school, a job, and a family. I had to grow up wondering if I will even get that luxury of having choices and I didn't! I don't get to do anything by choice now. I have to spend my life pleasing you. My freedom, whether you see this as a good thing or not, is gone!" I snapped before turning and running up the stairs. "I'm staying here!" And with that I moved to my door and slammed it, locking it in the process.

Barba's POV

I heard the door slam shut, and I grit my teeth together. God, I am dealing with a child here. Not like I could be upset about it. I knew she was not wrong in feeling how she felt. I sighed and moved up the stairs and over to her room. I moved to open the door, but it was locked. She locked my door. I looked at my watch then leaned into the door knowing we had to be heading out soon.

"Amara, please." I said lightly. "You're right. I didn't have to worry about ever being the beta. I got to live my life free and happy like I wanted. I get it. You don't have that luxury, or you feel you don't. But with me I am not like the alphas you've been told about. My job is to help people, all people, not just alphas." I got no response. I closed my eyes in thought wondering what it was I could do.

"What'll it take?" I asked. Now there was more silence, and I winced not liking the silence. The door unlocked, and I moved back and watched it open with relief. She had her coat on over her hoodie and I felt relief that she was still coming with me to the precinct, but her face was drained of emotion and I didn't like it.

"Nothing. Let's just get this over with." she said and walked around me and down the hall. I exhaled with agitation and closed my eyes. We were so close to having a normal day without fighting. Is this how it was always going to be with us?


	8. Chapter 8

8

Amara's POV

The car ride was quiet, as we drove into the city. I didn't huff or puff or sigh with attitude. I just remained quiet as I played on my phone, I was sure he would probably ask who I was talking to. I know for a fact that that would lead to a fight. Billy has messaged me since yesterday so maybe he has decided to take a step back from me.

"I really think we should talk about what happened back at the house." Rafael said. I just glanced at him.

"You're the alpha. Speak." I said.

"Okay you know what this all stops now!" he said swiftly. "I don't do childish drama and we are both adults here so we need to communicate as adults. Yes, you are my beta and I am your alpha. We cannot change this fact. I am not going to keep going back and forth with you on something neither of us can change every time you don't like what I have to say." Now I crossed my arms sinking into my seat. It was like listening to my father.

"I want this to work between us, I really do. But if you're just going to give me attitude then we can live like roommates and I won't talk to you until you're ready to talk. You can be responsible for your own shit! But when you are out in the city, I want to know where you are and what time you plan to be back. That's it. I'll even tell you where I am and when I'll be home." I tensed more at the anger in his voice. "So tell me how you want to do this, Amara, because after this talk we aren't going to talk about it again." My blood was boiling, and I felt the anger rise in me now. I wouldn't ignore the fact that he was given me the power of when I could speak to him. He could have just said that we'd talk when he was ready for us to talk. He could have easily said I had to move my things into his room and that what he said goes from now on. I even took note of the fact he was willing to tell me where he was. But that would still mean he'd probably want to know who I was with, if it was a man or a woman.

The anger filled me even quicker with those thoughts now. My mother was wrong. I couldn't get to know him, I didn't want to know him! I just looked away and out at the cars that passed us on the opposite side of the street.

"We can live as roommates. I will pay for anything I want from here on out. I would actually like that." I said coldly. I could feel his eyes looking at me now and I just looked straight ahead.

"Alright. Fine." he said. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment or sadness in his eyes. He didn't care about my sadness so why should I care about his? I kept my eyes out the window looking at the numerous people walking down the streets of the city. I wondered who was an alpha and a beta. I couldn't see any looks of sadness on the faces as we drove past everyone so fast. Oh Albert, I regret ever agreeing to this deal.

Barba's POV

Great. I didn't think she'd agree to the roommate deal so quickly. I thought maybe she'd want to negotiate at least. I've never felt so sad before over anything before but knowing that my beta was willing to take a deal or any agreement that involved doing the opposite of me. It hurt more than I cared to show. I've spoken to other alphas before and it wasn't until recently that I realized when they told me they found their betas they always talked about how they felt. They were happy and ecstatic about finding their mates. But they never told me how their betas felt… and I never asked. I meant what I said about needing to end this argument between us, but I at least thought maybe she'd want to try and just negotiate or go for a counter argument. By this point I was losing my mind. The fact she is this close to me is starting to drive me crazy, but the fact she isn't compliant is making my instincts take over. The alpha in me wants me to bend her over and fuck her until she's compliant.

But that wasn't who I was either. I would never force my beta to do anything she didn't want… except sign a legal document saying she was agreeing to be with me or face jail time. I inwardly groaned. I needed to talk to Olivia, she'd know what to do. Because this was not working… for either of us. I looked at Amara to just see her leaning against the window.

Amara's POV

We arrived at the precinct, and I followed behind Rafael in silence. Cops were moving all over the place and it made the entire room look busy. I remained silent. I looked around to see cops and criminals being placed in cells. I scowled at the thought of being back in that cell. I'd probably still be there and be transferred to a cell or a courtroom or something worse. Rafael stopped in front of a black cop and a tall white cop with slick hair.

"So we got a guy who refuses to talk about what happened between he and our victim?" Rafael started. The black cop scoffed.

"Oh he talks. But it's not in a language I recognize. Some kind of made up language" he replied. I looked down for a moment. AntiDom members, special members, spoke in a made up code taught to us by Albert himself. A few of us knew it. It took a while to learn. Rafael arched a brow.

"Okay, so that's the only way we can get him to speak? Have you brought in a translator?" he asked. The two detectives nodded.

"Yeah, but it's made up, not any actual languages." the older detective told. I looked up at them now.

"Let me speak to him." I said. Now all eyes were on me. Rafael looked me over curiously.

"You know the language?" he asked. I nodded.

"Only a few of us in AntiDom know the language. I know it and apparently so does this guy, so I'm sure I know him." I replied. The two other cops looked at each other and Rafael looked at them both with a nervous exhale.

"Gentleman, this is Amara O'Neal my beta." he said. The two cops eyes flexed some as if not expecting those words to come out of his mouth. "Amara these are Detectives Fin Tutuola and this is Sonny Carisi. Boys, Amara is- was a member of AntiDom she's going to help us only today with the AntiDom case." he said. Carisi's eyes widened and he looked at me.

"Wait what? You know they are a terrorist group right?" he asked. I scoffed.

"You must be an alpha pig to even think that." I said crossing my arms. Carisi looked like he was going to argue back, but Rafael waved his hands in front of us.

"Okay let's not forget how old we are and leave our infant thoughts at the door. Let's go." he said and moved to the back of the building where the interrogating rooms are. Carisi and I just eyed each other as I followed after their ADA. My mind then drifted back to who this person was I was going to see. I could only imagine what I was going to say to them. When we got to one of the rooms, I was introduced to the same female cop from yesterday, Chief Olivia Benson and Amanda Rollins, her beta. I hid my frown from them and just nodded at them. They could tell from my body language that I was reluctant to be here. I was looking at the person inside when my eyes suddenly widened.

"You know him." Olivia said observing me now. I nodded.

"Orion. He was the first to join Albert in our cause. He then invited me and we brought in more people who are against alphas." I said. Amanda arched a brow.

"Well he won't talk in English." she said. I nodded looking down some and then back up at the glass.

"Yes. He is strongly for the cause." I said. Orion had long brunette locks and green eyes with peach creamy skin and a muscular build. All the girls were into him. Even me at one point. Even now we are still close. He was just sitting back in his chair, his arms crossed.

"So you know the language then?" Amanda asked. I only nodded. Olivia gave half a nod.

"Then give it a shot." she said. I nodded again looking at all of them.

"I'll need to go in alone." I replied. Rafael looked at me in shock before shaking his head.

"What, no. You aren't going in there alone." he told. I looked at him.

"If you want me to get information to help _your _case, then you need to let me do this my way. He won't trust you." I said. Olivia looked at me with questioning eyes before looking at Rafael.

"Barba… let her do it." she said softly. Amanda looked impressed, and I just nodded and moved over to the door. Rafael sighed and watched me enter. Once I was inside, Orion looked at me with shock.

"_Mara?"_ he asked. I smiled warmly and nodded.

"_I heard you beat up an alpha. Bad ass."_ I replied. He didn't look pleased.

"_Why are you here? You never contacted anyone when you got out. But I see why now. You working for the cops. "_ he stated. I was silent for a moment and slowly I moved over to sit in front of him. He was good at reading people's faces, their emotions. _"One of them is your alpha."_ I nodded and leaned in.

"_Yes. After the riot, I was brought in. My alpha found me and agreed to keep me out of jail if I agreed to be his beta and give information on the tribe." _I told. Now his eyes widened, and he stood from his chair, sending it flying back. I leaned back into my chair.

"_So you betrayed us!" _he boomed. The door opened and in came Olivia and Rafael.

"Why don't we take it easy." Olivia demanded. I stood up and raised my hands to Olivia.

"It's okay. I got this." I replied before motioning to the door for them to go. Rafael definitely did not want to move from his spot. I just stared at him intently and he just sighed through his nostrils before he and Olivia stepped out of the door. I knew Orion wouldn't hurt me. I then looked back at him now with a frown.

"_I had to do what I had to do… when I was arrested Albert did not come to see us to bail me out- he didn't come for any of us. He was going to leave us in prison."_ I exclaimed. Orion immediately shook his head.

"No. No he wouldn't do that." he said, denial written all in his tone. I just raised my hands.

"Well I got out and it was not with _his_ help." I stated. He just shook hishead.

"_So you're given AntiDom up then?" _he asked. I nodded.

"_Yes in order to stay out of jail, yes."_ I replied. Orion frowned.

"_But what else did you have to give up… your freedom?"_ he asked. I was stiff at his words before glancing back at the glass and I knew they were all watching me. I looked back at Orion.

"_Albert didn't come. You didn't come. So I did what I had to do for me."_ I said. Orion's eyes softened some as he looked down at me with a soft gaze.

"_I'm sorry, had I known-"_

"_You would have asked Albert to get me out of which he may have said bide your time, let them sacrifice themselves for the cause."_ I interrupted.

"_You don't know that."_ he said. I just stared at him heavily and nodded.

"_I was in that jail cell all…day. He left a lot of us exposed to people who could have been our alphas. He left us open to be claimed. And I was claimed."_ I said lightly looking down at the ground now. Orion just stared at me with guilt but I shook my head.

"_But none of that matters now. I'm done with AntiDom."_ I responded and he frowned shaking his head now.

"_Then why are we even talking then. You're just like them and I don't talk to the enemy." _he spat turning from me.

"_Because if you tell me the truth then I can maybe get you out of here. I can at least try where Albert didn't for me."_ I said to his back. I then approached him slowly placing my hands on his shoulder and slowly turning him to face me. "Hey AntiDom owes me that much." He just stared at me with deep eyes before exhaling through his nose and looking down nodding slowly. I nodded back.

"_Why did you attack the alpha?" _I asked.

Orion frowned then looked over my shoulder at the window.

"_Not like these alpha fucks will believe me." _he said glaring.

"But I will believe you." I said gently. Orion looked down at me, jaw clenching in thought.

"_I was out with a few of the girls. Some guys were harassing them. Talking about how they will one day be somebody's bitch. We both were throwing punches. The cops showed up and they told the cops I had just attacked him. Of course the cops believed them right off the back when finding out we were betas!" _he yelled out. I looked down in sadness upon hearing the clear anger.

I took hold of his shoulders.

"I will tell them. My alpha will believe me and will help you get out of here." I replied. He scoffed and motioned his head at the door.

"_Your alpha, that lawyer. I could see it in his eyes how much he worried about you when I made a scene." _he said. I took hold of his shoulders keeping his attention.

"Yes that means he can help the best he can. I'll talk to him." I said and turned from him only for him to take hold of my shoulders and pull me in, placing his forehead to mine.

"_Don't forget who your people are Mara. Don't let them corner you. There were books and TV shows about how people came to be alphas and betas, but now all articles of their existence was destroyed by the government. You can't believe the alphas are good." _he said. I stared at him shocked at his words before the door opened swiftly and this time Rafael led in the charge with a glare.

"Okay that's enough." he snapped. I nodded slowly at Orion.

"I understand." I said, and Orion smiled and released me slowly.

"I hope we meet again." he said. But we both knew that wasn't happening. I backed away slowly and Rafael took my hand and led me back outside. Once the door closed, I noticed Carisi and Fin were there.

"What the hell was that all about?" Fin asked.

"Yes I'd also like to know." Rafael said crossing his arms. I shook my head.

"AntiDom is a tribe. We are taught to be open and express our feelings in anyway. I express with words, he expresses with his body is all." I said. Rafael just stared at me.

"That doesn't even sound remotely okay." he said.

"Yeah to an alpha." I said. Now he gave me a stressed look as if saying 'here we go again'. Olivia raised her hands.

"Okay, okay. So what happened?" she asked. I looked at her.

"He said the men were harassing the girls in our group. He said some mean things so Orion was defending them. They both were fighting. The cops just didn't believe Orion or the girls because they are betas." I said. Amanda scoffed.

"Really? Have you seen the guys face? And you say some words were enough to set him off?" she pressed. I glared at her not liking her already.

"He _knew_ you all wouldn't even believe him, and now I see why. I guess cops aren't really here to protect everyone after all." I snapped. Now everyone started to come at me as if offended. But Rafael raised his hands.

"Okay okay enough! Has the victim decided to press charges?" he asked everyone. Olivia shook his head.

"No." she said.

"Probably afraid AntiDom will come find him if he does." Carisi said. I scoffed.

"AntiDom, doesn't attack people for revenge. Only for defense." I said.

"Oh right, so you were raiding government warehouses for weapons for what reason?" Carisi asked sharply, and I whipped my head at him and now everyone looked at me waiting for my answer.

"Because not too long ago, one of our own was raped and brutally beaten by a man. And because the cops saw she had no alpha and was a part of AntiDom, they didn't even look into it. She got no justice and so she killed herself. So I convinced Albert to go get guns to protect ourselves. I just didn't think he'd break into a government warehouse to do it. I thought he'd legally buy them." I answered truthfully before looking at Orion through the window. He was sitting down waiting with his fingers crossed. "Orion was the only one who had my back."

Rafael looked through the window and then at Olivia.

"Well if no charges are being brought against him… release him." he said. I smiled warmly now, and Rafael looked at everyone before leaving out the room. I had no choice, but to follow. He had taken his coat off, and I assumed we would be here for a while. We were out in the hall before he turned to me. It was so quick, I almost ran into him.

"What else was said in that room? He didn't look too happy about some things that was said." he said. I shook my head.

"Nothing that needs to be repeated." I said. He gave me a doubtful look.

"Oh yes it does. If we are going to keep the agreement steady, then we need to be honest with each other." he said. I bit the inside of my cheek.

"I just told him that I have an alpha now. He thinks I betrayed him by giving in to you. But I told him I only agreed to your terms because AntiDom didn't help me or any of the other members get out of jail. I did what I had to do." I said lowly. He stared at me for a moment, eyes mildly softening some. He nodded.

"Thank you for telling him about leaving AntiDom. You won't be involved anymore here on out." he said. I arched a brow in confusion.

"What is your case against them anyways?" I asked. He looked at me and shook his head.

"If I tell you then you'll be involved." he said and turned and began to walk down the hall. I felt like I saw that coming, so I wasn't as pissed as I thought I would be.

"So wait. Can he go?" I asked.

"Yes. I will go finish some paper work so he can go. As long as he doesn't get into any more trouble and you don't come into contact with him anymore he should be fine." he said. I felt that coming. I felt I should have been ready to fight him on his words, but instead I just nodded.

"Alright." I said and he looked almost stunned at my sudden agreement. He looked around some before looking me over.

"When's the fight coming?" he asked suspiciously. I shrugged and shook my head.

"I don't fight with my roommates." I said and turned and move to wait out in the lobby._  
_


	9. Chapter 9

9

Rafael could be such a snake sometimes. He was basically cutting off guys who I was generally close with. That ass. I understood if they had intentions toward me, but neither Billy or Orion ever made intentions of wanting any type of relationship before. It wasn't fair. I had some friends who were girls, and even guy friends who I studied with at school. I'm sure he has lady associates he is friends with. He probably does lunch and dinner meetings with the all the time. I sighed in thought of this and just leaned back against the long wooden bench. I decided to text my mom in the meantime while I waited for anything better to happen.

Rafael's POV

I gazed at her from across the precinct room watching as she was hunched over shaking her head. She looked so lost and sad, and I would do anything to make her happy again. I could see the brightness in her eyes when I was able to get her friend released. It made me feel good inside knowing she was happy. But when she looked at me and the brightness faded, I felt empty inside.

Olivia came into my view blocking Amara from me and I almost frowned but stopped when I remembered Olivia is my friend.

"We released Orion Evans. Let's hope we don't see him again." she said. But she noticed I was looking through her and when she saw who I was looking at she looked back at me with a light curious gaze. "How are things going with her?" I looked at her feeling weakness playing on my face and I refused to let anyone see that. So I turned and began to walk toward one of the empty offices and she followed.

"She hates me. I give her a house, access to everything she wants inside and out and she still rejects me. I'm going crazy." I said quickly after she closed the door. She nodded slowly.

"These things take time. True working bonds form when both parties are willing and on board." she said and I raised my hands in frustration.

"I'm on board! She isn't." I exclaimed and she nodded raising one of her hands calmly at me. "It's not my fault she got herself arrested and I ended up seeing her."

"I know. Which is why you need to come at this from a different angle. Amanda was not happy with me when she found out I was her alpha. She liked men and was dating a man you know this." she said, and I nodded placing my hands on my hips as I mildly paced around remembering how she too was distracted from work because of Rollins. "It's only been two days. Trying anything that could come off as you commanding her is going to get you rejected every time. Try to find common ground."

"How! I mean we jogged this morning-"

"You jogged?" she asked with a forward tilt of her head. I waved my hand at her.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said. "But we clicked. We had a civil conversation. I made her breakfast and we talked and it was nice and then we argued."

"How did you argue?" she asked. I was a bit hesitant now to answer, because I know what I said that made the fight begin.

"I told her to tell me where she is when she's not at school." I said lowly and she gave me a look and I shrugged. "What, normal couples do that all the time!"

"When there is absolute trust and love." she said.

"Yeah well I don't trust her! I don't trust her because of how our bond formed. She could run away with another man or favor another guy! I don't even know if I can trust her to be alone because I am afraid of what she would do… and now I am afraid of what I may do." I admitted. Her eyes hardened on me a bit.

"What are you talking about, Raf?" she asked seriously. I did my best to keep control as I spoke.

"I haven't taken her yet and I want to so badly. I can feel my body react to her every time I am with her whether it's noticeable or not. And I'm afraid I may hurt her." I admitted and Olivia shook her head.

"Hey, I know the instincts are there. I've felt them sometimes want to take over and I have heard it in many alphas who have problems getting their betas to submit, but. But we've seen cases when alphas don't want to wait for their betas to consent and in the end we have a victim. Scholars have been trying to find ways to help alphas all over the world learn to wait and fight their instincts." she said.

"Who knows how long that will take… look I know I made her sign the documents that would keep her out of prison. But what choice did I have? I didn't want her to be taken from me and after all that I've done… she still doesn't like me." I said in defeat. Olivia's eyes softened and she approached with her usual warm smile.

"Look you need to be patient with her. She still a young adult and she has yet to experience the real world, experience real hardships… experience love. You have to give her some space and be open." she said. I stared at her as if unsure before looking away.

"Do you have any idea how happy it would make me to see her just glance at me with favor of me in her eyes?" I asked softly and she looked at me with a deep understanding gaze.

"Yes I do." she said softly.

My phone suddenly buzzed. Maybe it was Amara. I looked to see it was my secretary alerting me that some court dates got moved to today.

"Great if that isn't bad enough, I have to be in court _today_." I said. Olivia nodded.

"You ready for them?" she asked, and I nodded.

"Always." I said with a hint of pride. "Maybe I can ask one of the detectives to give Amara a ride home. I'm sure if she has to stay here another minute it'll just make her even angrier at me." I said and I wanted to avoid that at all costs. Olivia shrugged.

"You want to impress her, why don't you let her sit in on a few cases of yours. Let her watch you work." she advised. My eyes beamed with happiness before dropping.

"Yes! Wait no, seeing her could distract me and throw me off my game." I said. She shrugged.

"Or make you better than ever." she said, moving to the door. "Think about it. If not, I'll give her a ride home." And I was sure the talk between them could go either way. Well what did I have to lose? Maybe she could talk some sense into my hard-headed beta.

Amara's POV

I was growing bored and irritated with having to sit here. Were we leaving any time soon? I finally got up with intent to find Rafael. However, I got my answer when I saw Olivia and him coming out of a room together. I blinked rapidly curious of what they were talking about. Rafael walked over to me mild speed. He looked at me with a weak smile.

"Hey. So, I got called into court today. It's only four. I know you have classes tomorrow and I'm sure you want to be as far away from me as possible in order to prepare for them. If you want, I can have Olivia drive you home and you can have the entire house to yourself. Or…" he trailed off some as if unsure he wanted to continue speaking. "You can come to court with me and see me work. We can get lunch or something after. It's up to you." I looked from him to Olivia to see her standing by her desk with a stern smile. I could tell the alpha female was no joke just by the way she carried herself. No doubt we would have some sort of talk about alphas and betas that I really did not want to have at this moment. I looked at Rafael and nodded.

"I'll go to your cases." I replied. He looked at me stunned.

"What? You did hear me say you can have the entire house to yourself, right?" he asked. I arched a brow.

"Do you want me to change my mind and go?" I asked and he shook his head before smiling.

"No! We'll have to go further down town. The court room is maybe thirty minutes away!" he said talking fast, tone filled with happiness. I didn't realize how me agreeing to go to court with him got him so excited. It was almost… cute.

I sat in the back of the court room surrounded by strangers. I saw Olivia and Amanda in the back. They were talking about something and I just sneered and looked down at my lap. The hearing started and I watched Rafael on the left of me. He looked ready. The three cases were of disputes involving abuse of children, a woman who had abducted kids, and some civil dispute between two shop owners. Rafael was a very ruthless attorney. He asked hard questions and made sure to always get an answer. I studied every case he had to work on today. He basically said or did anything to get a result. The last case involved rape. It involved an alpha male and a beta female. However, before the case started there was a recess.

I needed to stretch my legs anyways. As I stepped into the hall, my phone vibrated, and I removed it from my hoodie. I was familiar with numbers even if they had nothing saved. Billy. He wanted to talk to me. I slipped from the room and called him.

"Billy?" I asked.

"Amara… what the hell is going on?" he asked. I sighed.

"It's complicated. I've been told I can't see you." I said looking around at everyone exiting the court.

"Yeah, your alpha told me." he said lowly. "So what, we can't be friends anymore?" He sounded so hurt and it made me feel even more saddened. I shook my head.

"I don't know. I made an agreement with him to stay out of prison." I said. There was silence on the other line. "You have a match tonight. Are you ready?"

"Maybe. I'd be perfect if I had my good luck charm there." he said. I smiled warmly.

"I will try and get there." I said.

"Your alpha will not allow it." he said bitterly.

"Well I still have my VIP pass you gave me. If somehow I can't, I will be watching on TV." I assured.

"Can I see you tomorrow at school?" he asked. I turned around to see Rafael on the other side. People were going back inside the courtroom. He motioned his head for me to get inside. I only nodded.

"Yes. After my class. I'll see you then. I gotta go." I replied.

"Alright." he said and hung up. I moved inside with the others and sat down and listened to the case. The alpha, Charles Morrison, was charged on multiple counts of rape against his beta, Denise Morrison. She completely traumatized and frightened of her alpha.

"I think he was always insecure of my family and what I had. I mean he worked a construction worker and I was going to nursing school. He would always drink and yell at how my family wasn't doing enough for us- for him." she said. She was a pretty redhead and the guy was a bit rough looking, but he had a handsomeness to him. When Charles took the stand, he admitted to raping and sometimes beating his wife.

"Look I work forty hours a week and the least she could was be the good beta she was and have dinner ready when I come home. Sometimes you gotta put a beta in their place. That's what they're there for right?" he asked. I was tensed at his words and looking down unaware that Olivia was watching me.

I was so hurt for Denise but listening to Rafael ask certain questions and get answers made me somewhat impressed with him. He showed the courtroom what a monster Charles was. When he gave closing arguments, I had to admit I was very touched at how much he made Denise to still look like a human being and not some title, not someone's property. But the courts ruled in favor of Charles. The judge recommended counseling and stated if he saw Charles in court again he would be fined. Fined! Fined for raping his wife! I wanted to stand up and shout how much it wasn't fair. My heart was pounding in my chest and I felt I'd have a panic attack. As the court adjourned, I found myself speeding out of there. It was such a mistake agreeing to stay here. I should have just taken the ride home.

An alpha can rape his beta and hurt her for as long as he wants, and the only penalty is being fined. I felt like I would cry.

"Amara, hey Amara!" I heard Olivia call out. I looked at with utter disgust as she closed in on me. I backed away from her.

"Don't touch me." I said and she shook her head.

"Hey. I know it was hard to sit in on that case and hear what you had to hear given everything you've been told by AntiDom, but you have to know we are not all like that man." she said. I scoffed.

"Why should I believe you?" I asked.

"Because that alpha is still a man, an insecure man. He was insecure about his life before he met his beta and he will still be insecure when we throw him in jail." she said.

"And what would he have to do to be thrown in jail huh! He could do horrible things to anyone else, but It wouldn't be for hurting his beta, that much is for sure." I snapped. Olivia looked down keeping her hands on her hips.

"Well I'll tell you one thing… be grateful you have an alpha that would never hurt you. Not all betas can say that. Sure, enough my mother couldn't." she stated firmly before walking around me. I turned and watched her leave wondering what she meant by that. I could imagine how close she was with Rafael she was ready to defend him. But don't alphas defend all alphas? Stupid question. After seeing him defend Denise, I knew there was more to him than just his alpha status.

We had been at Rafael's office for most of the day while Rafael finished up his paper work. I volunteered to wait outside. Billy's match started at 10 tonight. It was a little after one now. I had time to find a way to get there or how to bring up the discussion. Rafael moved from his office looking around as he was grabbing his coat and putting papers away in his briefcase.

"I'm sorry you had to stay with me the entire day at work. Believe me, I wasn't trying to keep you here all day." he said. I looked at him and shrugged.

"It's fine. Really." I replied and he nodded as he stood in front of me with a smile.

"You know for what it's worth I'm glad you decided to come to my court hearings today. I know that last case hurt for some and believe me I wanted jail time." he said. I could hear the sincerity in his voice, and I nodded.

"You did your best. I know Denise appreciated what you did for her today. I know I would have." I replied softly. His looked at me as if thrown off and slowly smiled.

"So my schedule is cleared and I know I promised you lunch." he said and motioned for the front door. "Got any suggestions?" I shook my head and followed.

"We can eat wherever… so any more work you have to do tonight?" I asked as we walked to his car. He looked at me, his warm smile still on his face.

"Probably do some paper work tonight. Why you want to do something?" he asked. I bit the inside of my cheek and shrugged some as we were now standing by his car. Great now I was nervous. He tilted his head as he examined my face. "What is it mami?" Ok I wasn't expecting to hear his accent flow so smoothly as he spoke to me.

"I wanted to go see a kickboxing match tonight with some friends." I said. He leaned back from me now looking mildly curious.

"Who's fighting?" he asked. I scrunched my lips up and looked away.

"Conlan vs. Heritage." I said lowly. Now he sighed heavily.

"Amara, we have talked about this. I don't want you having any contact with him." he stated firmly. I shook my head and leaned into him.

"Rafael, please. I just want to support him. He's my friend and going to his fights, make me happy. I liked to watch them, and it was always so fun… why don't you come with me." I said taking his hands. He looked down at our hands before sighing heavily sliding them from me.

"I'm sorry, I have work to finish tonight, and my answer is no. You aren't his anymore. You're mine." he said softly opening the passenger door for me. I just looked down in sadness and got in. I was actually really glad, I had school tomorrow. That meant I didn't have to do anything with my alpha. He tried to make conversation on the road home, but I didn't say much on them. Once we were at a red light behind numerous cars, he looked at me. I just looked down at my hands.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you." he said softly. I glanced at him. "You have no idea how much it hurts me to know you get excited by watching another man work. I can hear it in your voice you are so proud to see him fight. Maybe I want you to be proud to see me fight cases, tough, hard cases, that I will not always win." I looked at him more and he looked sad.

"I know it's going to take time for you to get use to this. That means I have to wait for you to accept me." he told. I winced and felt mildly bad that I had hurt his feelings. I slowly slid my hand over towards his leg and rested it on his hand. I didn't fully want to, but I did anyways. He looked at me with a deep gaze.

"I'm sorry. You are good at your job, but you shouldn't care what anyone thinks of how well you do at your job." I said. He looked at me with a light shake of his head.

"I don't care what anyone else thinks… but I care what you think." he said. I stared at him for a moment a long moment and I nodded. I didn't want to put any more stress on him. I didn't want to fight right now. It was just time to move on.

"Okay… I like Chinese." I replied. He slowly smiled.

"I know a great Chinese place down town. We're not too far from it actually." he said. I just smiled and nodded.

"Alright. But I don't want to be out too late. I do have classes tomorrow." I reminded. He nodded and smiled.

"Fine. I can get you there, but I don't think I'll be able to pick you up though." he told.

"It's fine. I'll catch a ride." I replied. He looked at me curiously.

"From who?" he asked.

"The bus." I replied. We made it to the small Chinese place and went inside. The food was delicious especially their egg rolls. We didn't talk about his case or school. We just talked about random things, like Rafael's like in Cuba before moving here. He came from the projects and had a small group of friends to help him fight anyone who wanted to mess with him. I didn't realize how much of a survivor he was. When we returned home, it was dark. We moved up the stairs and down the hall. He stopped at my room.

"Good night." he said gently and I smiled warmly at him. For the first time it was genuine.

"Good night." I replied and opened the door and went inside.


	10. Chapter 10

10

The next morning, I got up, showered, and got dressed in some black leggings and a green tank under an oatmeal colored cardigan. I slipped on my white loafers, grabbed my navy green bag, pulled my hair back and headed out the room. Just as I was exiting my room, Rafael was coming out of his own. He had on a black suit with a briefcase in his hand. His hair was neatly combed, and he looked pretty tired. We looked at each other almost stunned. I looked down some before glancing up at him.

"Didn't sleep good?" I asked, and he shook his head sighing heavily.

"Was thinking about the Morrison case too much." he said raising his hand for me to head down the hall first. I did and he followed keeping a reasonable distance behind me.

"I know you wanted to win… you'll get 'em next time." I said trying to sound enthusiastic and encouraging.

"Thank you I hope so." he said as we got down the stairs together. "You look nice." I glanced back at him and smiled.

"Thank you… um if you want, I can make us some breakfast this time if you want." I said. It was the least I could do for him making us breakfast yesterday. He smiled.

"Honestly some coffee and one of the cinnamon bagels you picked out yesterday would be good for me. I'll make the coffee, you make the bagel?" he offered. I nodded smiling pleasantly and we both entered the kitchen. I opened the fridge and reached in to pull out the bagel slices. "So what's on your agenda at school today?" I pulled out a whole bagel and grabbed a knife from the drawer and sliced it in half.

"I have two meetings after school with my team. We have some dance competitions starting soon and we need to get lists of everyone attending, tickets, ticket prices, fliers made, a stage crew, the works." I replied.

"Seems like you're going to be busy." he said casually moving over to his Keurig machine. I only nodded placing the bagel halves in the toaster oven. I turned and faced him now leaning back against the counter. He seemed to be doing the same so now we were staring awkwardly at each other.

"What plans do you have at work?" I asked and he gave a short smile.

"Gonna prepare for more cases. Crime never stops." he said with a weak humoring tone. I nodded in agreement noticing something off about his suit now that I could see him in the light. His tie was hanging low and it was already starting to bother me. I didn't like things being out of place. I walked up to him and pointed to black article of clothing. He looked down at it.

"May I?" I asked. He looked at me clearly taken back.

"Yes please." he said, and I nodded and began to lightly tighten the tie, so it didn't choke him. I kept my eyes on his neck, even though I could clearly see his eyes just staring at me, studying my face. He had a very foresty smell that just made you think _man_. I hated myself for inhaling a few more times, for wanting to smell more of him. Once the tie was straightened, I took a step back and smiled shortly at him.

"All better. You must be really tired." I said and he nodded.

"Well my mind was a little clouded while getting ready, I'll admit." he said. I nodded looking down unsure of what I should say now. However, the dinging of the toaster oven made me jump a bit. I turned and moved to grab us two separate lunch plates and placed the two slices on the plate with a butter knife before moving over to the fridge.

"Want regular cream cheese or strawberry?" I asked.

"Mm neither I like butter on mine." Rafael responded as if distracted. My head lifted now upon hearing that bogus answer. I slowly leaned up and turned to him.

"What?" I asked to see he was texting on his face. He looked at me and froze as if he were a deer in headlights.

"Butter?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Uh Uh, butter! No. Cream cheese is where it's at!" I said holding up both containers. Rafael's eye brows lifted as he looked at me as if I were crazy. He then shook his head and scoffed.

"No way. Butter is soft and slides easy, not like that Dunkin' Donuts cream that's hard as a brick to spread." he argued smiling some. I shook my head.

"What are you talking about! Dunkin's cream cheese is amazing." I countered and he just shook his head as I spoke.

"Sorry mami, but I got the good stuff." he said with one hand around a mug of coffee. He moved over to the fridge and pulled out a yellow container called Yellow Stone. "This is good on bread." I shook my head smirking.

"That's obviously for old people." I said and he snorted.

"Have you tried it?" he asked. I shook my head with pride.

"Nope. Have you tried the cream cheese?" I asked and he just shook his head.

"No. I have not… how about this, I try your cream cheese and you try my butter?" he asked. I squinted at him with uncertainty but being someone who liked to try new edible things, what could it hurt. I nodded.

"Okay." I replied and we both sat our containers down, after I put away the strawberry cream one. I opened the regular cream cheese container as he opened his container and we both spread the toppings over the slices of bread and then looked at each other as we slid the plates to the other side. We both picked up our slices and held it to our mouths but froze a bit as if waiting for the other to bite down first. We ended up biting down together and chewing, then doing this every few seconds. I had to admit this butter he had was really good. I inhaled some and nodded more looking up at him.

"I'll admit, it's alright." I replied and he smiled.

"Told ya." he teased before raising his bagel half to me. "And this is good as well." I grinned.

"Yeah I know." I replied and after checking his watch his eyes popped some.

"Shit, we have to get going." he said. I nodded and we packed up our things and I let him share a plate with me for his bagel. We got in his car and he took off. We ate in mild silence. This morning wasn't so bad. I then looked him over thinking of the things I knew about him which wasn't much. He knew about me and my parents and even my education and major. But I didn't know a thing about him except what he does for work. He glanced at me and then the road and I could tell he was worried.

"What's on your mind?" he asked. I shrugged lightly.

"Just thinking, I guess. Where exactly did you grow up?" I asked. Once more he seemed stunned by my question, which I was sure it was because he didn't think I wanted to know a thing about him. I wasn't going anywhere any time soon I might as well know a bit about him if I were to ever see him as anything else.

"I was raised in the Bronx. Had a small group of friends actually." he said. I nodded looking at the road for a second.

"Your parents?" I asked. I know we spoke a bit about them earlier, and I guess I wanted him to feel I was taking a slight interest in him as well. That's what roommates do right?

"My mom's alive and is the principal of a charter school. I was never close to my dad. We didn't have a good relationship. He passed maybe fifteen years ago." he announced, his face almost stoic. I nodded.

"Do you have a good relationship with your mom?" I asked. He nodded some.

"It's better than the relationship I have with my dad." he said. I nodded slowly.

"Any siblings?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Just me." he said looking at me now with a light gaze. "You?" I nodded.

"I have two older brothers." I replied. He nodded.

"And where are they?" he asked. I shrugged.

"I'm not really sure." I replied lowly. He nodded slowly and just looked ahead.

"I liked this talk." he admitted softly. I looked at him for a moment before nodding.

"Me too." I replied genuinely. He smiled warmly in response. He pulled up to the front of the school and it was busy as usual. Students were walking everywhere. Some of my classmates who knew me were looking at me from the student union.

"You're popular." he said. I winced and looked down some as if embarrassed.

"Yeah they're my class mates and they know my stance on alphas and betas so I'm sure they're catching on to who the strange man is that's dropping me off is." I replied glancing over at him. I was sure another fight was coming, but instead he nodded slowly.

"Well you can tell them it's your personal chauffer's car." he said and I gave a soft grin happy that this seemingly good morning wouldn't be spoiled.

"Have a good day at work." I replied and he smiled.

"You too. If you take the bus home just, please be careful. Text me when you're getting on and off the bus?" he asked. I guess it's the least I could do for him. I nodded.

"I will." I replied and got out and headed toward the student union. Immediately some of my classmates looked at me with sly smiles and I just raised my hands.

"I do not want talk about it!" I blurted. Now they began squealing.

"Oh she has a alpha! We need details." Lindsey, a beta, replied.

Rafael's POV

My heart was pounding in my chest and I couldn't stop the smile that spread over my face since I left the university. We had an actual conversation, without fighting. She smiled at me, she laughed, we playfully argued about butter and cream cheese. She fixed my tie willingly and she asked about a part of my life. Were these good signs, I wanted to believe they were. She had a long day at school today, maybe I should get her something for when she comes home. Jewelry. No she already said fancy things wouldn't impress her, but noticing her diamond earrings and rose gold necklace, I was sure she would appreciate the gesture. When it came to diamonds vs pearls, my beta was definitely a diamonds girl.

My mind was already drifting back to her outfit. It was comfy and hung off her frame. I wasn't lying when I said she looked nice. Hell, I would have said beautiful, but I didn't want to make her uncomfortable. God, this morning was perfect. I thought of the pleasant aroma that wafted off her body and onto me as she fixed my tie. God it was enticing. She was so close and I so desperately wanted to touch her smooth skin. My body was reacting to her and I was afraid I'd catch a hard on against her. Kudos to me for holding it together long enough. But I had to wait. I had to be patient.

I wanted the first time we finally lied together to be beautiful, pleasurable for both of us. But as I finally got to thinking about that, I started to think about another important aspect of that part of our relationship. Was she clean? I mean the medical laws were stronger than alpha status. There was no way I could ever ask for her medical records. If I asked her to get tested or if she was clean, then she may get upset. No. I couldn't think that way. Now wasn't the time to think about that anyways. Today was the first good day I had with my beta and I didn't want anything to ruin that.

Amara's POV

Classes weren't even the longest part of my day. I met up with my organizing team and spent three long hours discussing the schedules for the dance competitions coming up in a month. As I departed from my friends and sat outside to think, a shadow was looming over me now and I looked up swiftly wondering who at the nerve to bother me. But my eyes widened, and I gasped happily.

"Billy!" I said happily and got up jumping into his hold. He smiled embracing me tight.

"I missed you." he said in my ear.

"Me too." I replied. He pulled back and looked me over.

"You done with classes?" he asked. I nodded.

"Yeah. I was about to get the bus schedule." I replied. He looked at me with disapproving eyes.

"Nah, it can be dangerous taking the bus. People are crazy. Let me give you a ride home." he said, and I was hesitant but nodded continuing to smile.

"Okay!" I replied.


	11. Chapter 11

11

"You knocked out Jerry Heritage in only two rounds! You've definitely gotten faster!" I boomed. Billy barked out loud.

"Right! Oi remember he was talking that mad shit at our weigh in!" he laughed and I laughed so hard I was crying remember how Jerry said he'd knock Billy out in one round.

"Oh my god yes it was hilarious!" I replied remembering the threats. Since I couldn't remember where Rafael lived, I asked Billy to take me to my parent's home. He knew where they lived and my parents knew him too so I figured I'd stay with them tonight. I was sure Rafael would be working late anyways. As we drove through familiar neighborhoods I smiled at the memories.

"Remember when we first met?" he asked. I nodded leaning back into the leather seats of his car.

"Yes. It was a meeting at the park for AntiDom. Everyone who saw you was impressed to see a well-known athlete and alpha in support of free love for everyone." I said. He grinned.

"But you weren't impressed." he said as he turned down the street of my parent's neighborhood. I grinned looking at him.

"Yeah, I thought you were a poser." I replied and he laughed some more.

"A poser! Well now you're in this poser's car." he said and we both laughed and he began look down the street with reminiscence type eyes.

"Then we went out for drinks with some of the others and that big bar fight happened." he said. I hummed in thought of that night.

"God, I had never seen anything like it. It was my first ever fight too!" I exclaimed. "And when that asshole had his hand around my throat, you were right there to get him off me." He nodded slowly looking at me with cool eyes.

"Ay no man should ever put their hands on a woman." he said. I nodded.

"Agreed." I replied. He nodded as we pulled up into my parent's driveway.

"Your mate put his hands on you?" he asked seriously and I looked at him to see the dead stare in his eyes. I shook my head.

"No he has not." I replied. He replied.

"He ever do, you let me know. I don't care if I'm on the other side of the world." he said. I shook my hand.

"Always trying to fight someone." I replied and he nodded.

"Aye. Always trying to fight someone." he agreed and we both sat there staring at the garage. "I know your alpha doesn't want us seeing each other. Do you no longer want us to be friends?" My heart dropped at his words and I shook my head.

"No. I have always valued your friendship, how deep you truly can be. You've even given me good advice when I thought you were just a mindless fighter not capable of critical thinking." I said. He gave me a playfully offended look.

"Hey now mindless?" he asked. I just laughed.

"And you make me laugh." I said finally my laughter dying some before sighing some shaking my head slowly and looking at my lap. "I just want to be happy. I don't want to be tied down to someone I hardly know." He stared at me sympathetically before looking ahead.

"Maybe… you'll like him in time." he said. 'You're only saying that because you're an alpha.' I looked up at him upon realizing that it was true he was an alpha whose beta is dead.

"Do you think you'll ever find another beta?" I asked. He shrugged looking at me.

"I'm sure we've both been taught the same thing on alphas and betas. We mate for life." he said. I winced and nodded.

"And my mate is in his forties." I said and he scoffed.

"Oh man he's old!" he said before looking me over. "But you like older men." I shrugged.

"When I have the choice to." I said and he nodded.

"Maybe you can make him love you so when he dies you can inherit his money." he teases. I groaned waving him off.

"You know money isn't important to me. Once school is over I will make my own money." I replied. He nodded.

"Attagirl. Always had a strong head on your shoulders." he said and I smiled some looking at him.

"So does this mean you can be with whomever you want?" I asked and he shrugged.

"I don't know. I mean honestly, I am afraid to date again because what if the girl is a beta who hasn't been claimed yet? I don't need that drama." he said. I nodded in thought of his words.

"What about an alpha woman who lost her beta as well." I said.

"Or a beta woman who lost her alpha." he said. I nodded slower now.

"You deserve happiness Billy that much I know." I said. He grinned.

"Well thank you. You deserve that too." he added.

"You know I think I wouldn't be the person I am today without you." I said honestly and he gave a gentle smile.

"I have that effect on people." he said and I grinned knowing our time together was at an end. I started to look around for my back pack now. "Hey can I ask you something without offending you?" I looked at him curiously and nodded.

"Of course." I said and he bit his lip some.

"Seeing as this may be the last time I ever see you, can I kiss you?" he asked. I stared at him intently now thinking about that loaded question. He shook his head slowly. "It can have whatever feelings comes with it, it can even be a farewell kiss from your transition of a beta to a mated beta. Meaning, after this moment we will never see each other or contact one another ever again."

From freedom to prisoner. I stared at him with saddened eyes feeling them start to water a bit. It made sense to me and I nodded unbuckling my seatbelt and leaning over to him and we leaned forward and let our lips press against one another. Immediately the excitement of rebellion was there again. His hands gripped my hips and pulled me into his lap. His lips were smooth and dominating and I loved it. We made gentle noises of pleasure as our mouths opened to one another. Our tongues moved around each other and we exhaled in pleasure against one another. My hips began to move on their own against his and his hands gripped my ass immediately in response. My head fell back and my eyes closed in bliss as I feel his lips moving up and down my neck. His tongue was hot as it slid over my jugular.

"AMARA!" I hear my mother yell making us both jump.

Normal POV

Nothing could ruin Rafael's day. Not the cases he was preparing for or even the gruesome cases he had to read in order to prepare for them. It was after one and he and Olivia were coming back from lunch.

"I think things between us are going to be okay." he said confidently. Olivia kept her encouraging smile on her face.

"It's only been three days, let everything unfold as they should." she reminded. Rafael rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Of course. I just have to make sure we both are in good moods when we talk." he joked looking down at his phone. Olivia arched a brow.

"You've been looking down at your phone at least six times since we left the café." she noted. Rafael nodded wincing some.

"Amara said she'd message me when she was leaving school." he said. Olivia shrugged.

"You don't know her schedule, which I am sure she is grateful for. She may have a full day of classes." she said. Rafael avoided eye contact with his detective friend a sign she didn't like. "What did you do?"

Rafael finally glanced at her.

"I may have found her school schedule and sent a picture of it to my phone without her knowledge." he said. Olivia's eyes widened.

"Barba!" she snapped and his shoulders raised in defense.

"I was just keeping it in case I would have to come get her or maybe she'd want me to get her. I don't know!" he said. Olivia shook her head as her phone began beeping. She pulled out her phone and looked at it and immediately her face froze, her eyes flexing some as she stared at her phone. Rafael looked at her face and looked at her with concern.

"What's going on?" he asked. Olivia looked at him and bit her lip and looked at the phone before inhaling.

"I follow NYPapparrzi, as a way to keep up with certain celebrities I follow. It seems Billy Conlan is in town and that he may have a new girlfriend." she said lowly as she began to hold up her phone to him. Rafael arched a brow at her before looking at the phone and as he saw the images, his face immediately dropped, his eyes swelling up with immediate anger. Olivia had seen that look on her face, when he was about to completely destroy a defendant in the court room. He then looked at Olivia.

"Send me those pictures." he said and turned and moved back to his car. Concerned Olivia began to follow.

"What are you going to do?" she asked, but got no answer." Barba!" But he didn't answer. He just got in his car and took off.


	12. Chapter 12

12

Amara's POV

"Have you no shame!" Mother snapped as I was sitting on my old bed, hands crossed and looking away.

"Mom it was just-"

"A kiss? HA! Lord knows I've heard that before. "A meaningless kiss, it didn't mean anything". Amara how could you do this to your alpha?" she asked disappointed. It wasn't hard. I frowned at her.

"Because I _wanted_ to. I wanted to do something with someone who didn't own me." I said. She scoffed and threw her hands up.

"This again. Amara we talked about this! Not only did you step out on your alpha you did it with a celebrity. Who knows what people saw you and took pictures." she said. I shook my head.

"Let them take pictures. I don't care." I replied.

"What if your alpha sees this? He could send you back to prison!" she snapped. I looked away.

"So let him." I said defiantly.

"You don't mean that." she said shaking her head. I didn't respond.

"It's not fair, Mom." I said lightly and her eyes softened on me. "It's not fair that I have to just change for him and he doesn't have to do anything."

"How do you know he hasn't changed for you?" she asked. I opened my mouth to answer, but no words came out. I had no answer. There was a knock at the front door and mother glanced at it and then at me. "If that's paparazzi, just know I will be cussing some people out." I didn't respond as she left the room and I just stood up pacing a bit thinking about what I had done. I had kissed another man that wasn't my alpha. And I liked it. The freedom of able to do this excited me some. But now that the moment was gone, I thought about how I would deal with Rafael's anger once he found out what I had done. I saw him coming down the hall way and my stomach immediately tightened. His face was dark and he closed the door behind him and I immediately moved back against the wall to keep distance from him. He just stood there glaring at me before holding his phone up to me. I could see it clear from where I stood what the pictures were of. So someone did snap photos of Billy and I.

Rafael placed the phone in his pocket and looked at me.

"Tell me how it's not true." he said quickly. I inhaled some and continued to look at me. His eyes wouldn't leave my face.

"It's true. I kissed Billy Conlan." I replied. His eyes weakened some on m and h slowly shook his head.

"Why?" he asked softly as if defeated. I slowly looked down.

"It was to say good bye. We agreed that after that kiss we would no longer be in communication with each other. The friendship that we cherished between each other, the happiness that we got from one another was over, because of you." I said. His entire body was tight, and I could tell my words meant nothing to him.

"I was right, I can't trust you." he said with a scoff.

"Yeah well I knew I couldn't trust you when you went through my stuff and snapped photos of my school schedule." I shot back. His eyes widened some and his nose curled in a snarl. "You wouldn't think I noticed when my things were moved or touched?" He shook his head.

"Don't switch this around on me. You are the one caught kissing another man!" he snapped. My anger flared, but I did my best to control it. I nodded.

"Yes. I kissed another man. I betrayed the trust of my alpha." I said almost bitterly. He just glared at me for a moment.

"You accused me of being this dominating man well now you've got it. You will do nothing without my knowledge. Any questions I ask, I expect an honest answer. You will go to school and my house only. Anywhere else you will ask me for permission. Is that clear?" he demanded. My body moved up and down with anxiety and anger before nodding.

"Yes alpha." I replied. He just looked at me angrily.

"Get in the car now. We are going home." he demanded, and I just walked past him without saying anything else. Mother was at the door waiting and she handed me my back pack of which I took gently. She placed her hand on my shoulder and I gently touched it before leaving out the door. I moved over to his car and as I heard the doors unlock, I got into the passenger side and just sat there in silence. Rafael got in and we said nothing the entire ride back to his home. I walked up the steps in silence.

"Stop." he said and I paused and turned to him and he just looked up at me as he loosened his tie.

"Are you a virgin?" he asked. My eyes gently flexed at his question.

"No." I replied quietly.

"How many partners have you had?" he asked.

"Fifteen." I responded making his eye twitch.

"Time span?" he asked

"Five years." I replied.

"Last time you were tested?" he asked. I looked up in thought.

"Back in September." I replied.

"Have you been active since then?" he asked. God I felt like I was being interrogated.

"Yes." I replied. He nodded slowly.

"On my next day off, you and I are going to your primary care to get tested." he demanded. I didn't say anything, and he just stared up at me with fierce eyes.

"As you wish." I replied and turned and continued up the stairs. We wouldn't be roommates, no we were just strangers living in the same house. The next morning, Rafael was already gone. No fruit was left out, no bagels or cream cheese. Just a house key was lying on the island. I wasn't the least bit surprised. I merely got ready as I usually would and headed out to walk to the bus station. At least I had peace of mind knowing he didn't plan to touch me until he got the test results. But that just told me that time was coming. He was going to touch me, be on top of me… inside me. What if he was horrible at sex? What if I felt nothing for him during? I groaned at the thought.

I got a text from him saying he wanted to know when I arrived at school. I didn't respond until I was getting off the bus and across the street from the university.

Already there were pictures of Billy and I in magazines and on apps. People would glance at me and then their phones to try and see if I was the girl in the picture. My classmates hounded me about the entire thing. "Was my alpha mad? Did he hurt me? Did he yell?"

"Hey I'm here aren't I? No bruises!" I would say.

"I can't believe you kissed another man!" Lindsey replied.

"Well it was a good-bye kiss." I replied. Sadie, a communications major and alpha, shook her head.

"A kiss is still a kiss. You probably hurt his feelings." she told.

"Yeah well he hurt my feelings when he trapped me in a legal contract with him." I pouted.

"You should count yourself lucky he didn't beat you." Sadie said.

"Would you have done that to Collin?" I asked and she shook her head.

"If he was in your position no, because I am not an abusive person in general. I get it's not fair that abusers, molesters and eve murderers can be alphas and put their family through hell, but if you alpha isn't like that you had no right hurting him like that, especially if he's been trying to make things work with you. You should apologize him." she announced.

"Is that the alpha speaking?" I asked. Sadie shook her head.

"No. This is coming from your friend." she said. Her words stayed with me for a while and I felt maybe she was right. As cut off as I had been in the past few days, Rafael hadn't forced me to do anything up until. I knew I should apologize, but I knew just saying I was sorry would mean nothing right now at this point. I then thought about what I could do to make up for what I had done. And it came to me.

Later on that night, I was in the living room studying. It was around ten and I was just studying some of my lesson plans. It was cold in the house, so I wore some black sweats and a white sweater. When the door opened, I felt my stomach tighten and I just glanced over at Rafael as he entered with his suit jacket over his shoulders, his brief case. He gave a two second glance at me before just entering the kitchen. I didn't say anything except just watch him look through his mail from the living room. I didn't want to ask, but I felt I should.

"How was work?" I asked.

"Good." he said flatly his eyes roaming the mail. I nodded deciding to just get to the point.

"I have to take another class now at school, so I will be there longer." I replied. He didn't even look at me.

"The school let you add another class in the middle of the semester?" he asked accusedly. I nodded.

"When they found out why I needed it, they allowed me to… is that okay?" I asked.

"Should have asked me before signing up for the class." he said coldly. I looked down and nodded.

"I'm sorry." I replied moving to gather my paper work and book and moved to head up the stairs.

"It's fine." he called out, and I looked back at him and just nodded before continuing to head up the stairs. This is how it was day after day. We didn't speak, we didn't go anywhere together. Anything I wanted I bought. Rafael would give me the keys to his car on his days off to attend meetings at school and prepare for competitions. Of course, he had my phone tracked which I had no choice but to accept. I stayed in my room and worked out on my own time when I was off.

We did go to the doctor's office over the weekend where we both would get tested. As we both waited in the waiting room I could hear the TV on across from us.

"If there wasn't more controversy going on in the celebrity world, World Heavyweight Champion, Billy Conlan was seen last week in a heated passion with an unknown woman. But there has been talk that that woman is a beta who has her own alpha which does not sit well for Conlan's image." the announcer said, and I tensed and looked up at the TV just as Rafael did, his frown starting to go. I just looked down hiding my face now. "Conlan has decided to make a public announcement on the controversy."

"I just wanted to apologize to the woman. I knew she had an alpha and I still disrespected the relationship she had with her alpha and if she's out there, I want her to know I am deeply sorry." he said looking into the camera. I looked at the TV with soft eyes now.

"What about her alpha?" someone asked.

"Should they not get an apology?" another reporter asked. Billy's eyes looked at the camera seriously.

"The man's a big boy. I'm sure his ego will heal. But I will say something to him though. That woman that you're lucky to have… imprinted on, she's a queen and a beautiful soul. She had a bright future ahead of her before she met you and I hope you don't try and destroy her happiness. Because if you do, you and I are going to have a talk." he threatened, and my chest inflated with nervousness as now he was bombarded with questions.

Rafael scoffed.

"Big talk." he said. I just kept my eyes forward and waited to be called back. Once the testing was over, we were driving back home. "You hungry?" I shook my head.

"No." I lied. He glanced at me.

"You didn't eat breakfast after your run. I'm sure you're hungry by now." he said calmly. He sounded like he cared. I nodded.

"I'll make something when we get to your house." I replied. He nodded slowly.

"Well do you need anything while we are out?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No." I replied. We didn't say anything else for the rest of the drive.

Rafael's POV

For the entire week we didn't speak or do anything together and I didn't like it. How is it she can hurt me and I get upset and yet it's still my fault! She avoided me as to not upset me, that much I knew. I could feel she was walking on egg shells around me. Everywhere I was, she would just remain silent or lock herself in her room. We don't even eat together, and I missed having meals together. I missed talking to her. But I had to hold out. We needed to keep the space we had until the test results came back. God I prayed she was clean. I knew I was, but she didn't seem anxious or paranoid at the doctors. Maybe that was a good thing.

The days went on like this and it was driving me insane. I was at the precinct right now when I got a text from Amara.

_Amara_

_Made it to school._

I placed my phone back in my pocket as I looked at Olivia behind the interrogation glass.

"So what do we got?" I asked. Carisi was standing beside Olivia just shaking his head. Olivia looked at the small woman behind the glass.

"Tori Milligan, been hiding ever since she shot her alpha John Milligan. She claims it was in self-defense." she said. I looked at the woman. She looked frightened, her knuckles pressed to her lips.

"We have any proof it was self-defense?" I asked. Carisi nodded.

"Yeah the hospital released medical records to us. She's been in that hospital every month with either bruises or broken bones, even vaginal trauma. She said she was always falling or ra into a door. But she can't say much for the vaginal trauma. Husband, John was always there to agree with her. Some doctors and nurses say she rarely answered for herself and he'd yell at any doctor who tried to get answers from the wife." he said. I nodded looking down at my phone before tucking it away in my pocket.

"The husband out of surgery?" I asked.

"In critical care. Woman used a shot gun and blew a hole right in his chest. Doctors don't think he'll make it." Olivia replied. I nodded.

"Get her statement." Was all I replied and left the room. Maybe I could get her on insanity and get her little jail time.

"Hey." Olivia called and I turned to her to see her following me.

"If Carisi is getting the statement, I doubt she's going to open up." I said and she nodded.

"Amanda plans to get the statement. I just wanted to see how you're doing." she said. I shrugged.

"I'm fine." I said.

"You've been looking at your phone every few minutes. The silent treatment not working?" she asked. I sighed and just shrugged.

"It's working for Amara, I can't believe she just openly admitted to kissing Billy Conlan and she didn't even show remorse because of it. Now I'm giving her what she wants, and she seems to be okay with it." I said feeling my anger rise. Olivia nodded looking me over.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. I sighed and shook my head.

"For once I don't know." I replied.

Amara's POV

Four weeks went by and by now we were back at having a civil conversation. Although I didn't try and hang around Rafael too long. However, when he brought home the mail on a Sunday, he handed me an envelope. It was from the doctor. I opened it from the couch as he opened his own envelope. As I looked over the results and saw that everything was negative, I just handed it to him. He took the paper and lightly handed me his results. I took it slowly and looked over the results. All negative. I sighed quietly and just handed it back to him. God, now it all just mattered of when he would do it. I just got up from the couch and moved over to the stairs swiftly not noticing he had followed right after me.

"Amara!" he said, his hand taking my hand and I paused on the second step not moving. "I really think that this could be good for both of us, but in no way am I going to force you into anything you don't want." I slowly looked back at him.

"But you will." I said. "I know you want this more than I do. So let's just do it okay and I won't fight you or struggle or hate you after it's done. It's the least I can do for hurting you." His eyes widened some with pain and he looked away.

"I'm not going to use sex as a punishment on you. I would never do that." he said, and I just watched him for a moment before nodding slowly. For the rest of the day we were in our own worlds. He was in his office. I was studying more of my class when I looked up thinking of Rafael. I knew he was hurting, and I couldn't help but feel terrible even more knowing that I hurt him.

I always told myself I wouldn't be a cheater, that I was never that type of person. I mean I wasn't! I knew I should probably say something to him before the night was over. I got up and headed down to the end of the hall to his office. It was cracked open, letting a small stream of light out. It was always closed though. He would never intentionally leave the door opened… unless he wanted me to come visit. I sighed and gently peaked inside. I opened the door more and saw Rafael's back as he was at his desk. He seemed to be in his office more. I wish I didn't notice, but I did notice. I slowly approached his desk. He was in his white buttoned up shirt and black slacks. I just stared at him for a moment feeling my heart beat faster. I was nervous why was I so nervous? I inhaled a bit too loudly and immediately Rafael looked behind him before standing up and looking at me with concern.

"What is it Amara?" he asked. I just stared at him for a moment and he approached me with even more worry in his eyes. "What's wrong?" Just hearing the worry in his tone made me feel even worse. Even after what I had done, he still managed to care about me. I looked down for a moment thinking what this could mean once I said what I had to say? I slowly reached out to take his hands and hold them against my own. His hands were dried compared to my softer palms. His thumbs very so lightly rubbed over the tops of my palm as I finally looked back up at him with sincerity in my eyes.

I parted my lips to speak and damn my heart hurt it was pounding so bad.

"_L-lo siento_…" I stated lightly his eyes immediately softening at my words. "For hurting you." Numerous emotions filled his eyes now as he gently chuckled and smiled.

"Is that the other class you've been taking, huh? You've been taking Spanish...for me?" he asked. I nodded almost eagerly.

"Yes." I responded and together we shared a light laugh.

"Thank you, mami. I forgive you." he said gently. I couldn't hold back the smile that spread across my face. I didn't know why I felt so happy to have his forgiveness, but I was. I gently moved back from him and started to turn, but his hands tightened and stopped me from moving. I looked up at him curiously and he gently pulled me back to him and I let him, now feeling a bit nervous of what he was going to do. He looked down at me with a gentle gaze.

"May I kiss you?"


	13. Chapter 13

13

Rafael immediately shut his eyes tight and stepped back from me.

"God. I'm sorry, Amara. We just made up and already my mind went somewhere else." he said with guilt in his tone. I looked down pondering his request before looking back up at him.

"I think you should kiss me… when you trust me, again." I said. I couldn't believe I said that. But maybe it was time to put in a little work toward this… bond. He wasn't going anywhere, and if we can still take our time then maybe it would work. He looked back at me and shook his head slowly.

"I want to trust you now." he said but I could hear the hesitance behind his tone and see it on his face. I shook my head.

"No you don't… and I am going to try to be a little less difficult." I said and he smiled warmly.

"And I will not be so controlling over you." he said. I could tell it was hard for him to say that, because I know the trust was not there.

"If I am going somewhere before or after school or even on my days off, I will let you know." I said and held up my hand and he smiled more and shook my head.

"Deal… so what else can you say in Spanish?" he asked. I laughed now.

"A few things. I'm a fast learner, but I still have a long way to go." I said.

"You passing this class?" he asked and I nodded.

"I am. I'm a fast learner." I responded proudly, and we shared a laugh before tucking a piece of hair behind my ear.

"Well, I should be getting to bed. Gotta be up early tomorrow." I replied. Rafael nodded.

"Alright. I'll just be looking over these cases." he replied. I nodded not even realizing our hands were still laced together. I nodded thinking of what I wanted to say next.

_"__No dejes que los casos te estresen." _**(Do not let the cases stress you out.)** I replied. His eyes sparkled at my words and he shook his head.

_"__No lo haré Buenas noches mami." _he said gently. **(I won't. Good night, mami.)** I continued smiling warmly at him.

_"__Buenas noches." _I replied and gently moved from his hold, his hand just holding on lightly until my hand slipped from his. I went back to my room, wrapped my hair up, and just melted into my bed. I don't remember ever smiling to myself before being taken to sleep. I woke up a bit earlier than usual so I could make my breakfast and take my time. I was in a white off the shoulder top and black jeans that were baggy on account of my weight loss. My hair was down and flowing and once I entered the kitchen, I noticed Rafael was there as well, his usual cup of coffee in his hand.

He turned to me and smiled.

"Good morning." he replied. On the island I saw a bowl of cinnamon oatmeal and fruit on the side with orange juice. I smiled at him.

"Good morning." I replied. "You sleep okay?" He nodded.

"I did. You?" he replied, and I nodded as well.

"I did." I replied taking the bowl and eating quietly. He just smiled in response.

"Busy day today?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Not today. I'll be hitting the gym on campus then will be headed back here." I replied and he nodded.

"I got a case load of work today so sadly, I won't be home until late." he said and I nodded putting a spoon of oatmeal in my mouth.

"I'll wait up for you." I responded, and he paused his sipping and looking at me completely taken back.

"Oh uh you don't have to do that." he said. I looked at him casually.

"Is that too weird?" I asked and he immediately shook his head.

"No of course not, it's just… you've never offered anything. I mean I'm not saying I don't appreciate it, it's a nice gesture." he said and I just shook my head.

"I know it felt weird saying it, but… when I was younger coming home from high school, and I'd have stressful days, either my mom or dad was around willing to talk to me. It was very helpful, they helped me deal with my stress and anxiety. I know I can call them now when I am upset. From just seeing you deal with the cases you have to deal with, I know you may have stress and it doesn't hurt to have someone to talk to after work… if you even want to talk, because I know you'll be probably talking all day." I replied and he just stared at me with a gentle smile.

"Thank you, mami. I appreciate your effort. But don't force yourself to stay awake alright? We have tons of time to discuss work and school." he said. I smiled and nodded.

"Alright, that's fine." I replied gently. After breakfast, he offered to give me a ride to school which I accepted and oddly enough the rest of the day flowed as it should be. Classes were good, my meetings were hardly anything because our competitions were ready to go, and I had a good work out. It was perfect. I took the bus home and used a few hours to study. My apple watch alerted me of a severe storm alert for the next two hours. I didn't think much of it though. Once the studying was done, I decided that I felt comfortable putting my bags away in Rafael's garage. As I placed them on a shelf in the corner from the door, I noticed a small box of DVDs. Written on the side in black marker was one word: Plays. I was curious and decided to look through them. They were dated about twenty years ago. I pulled out a DVD of which said Phantom of the Opera.

That was one of my favorite movies! I took the box down and brought them into the house. And ten minutes later, I was sitting in the living room, my mouth wide open as I was watching a young Rafael singing and acting in a Phantom of the Opera music. I was just staring, watching him in his suit and cape. Half of his face was covered by a white mask and his brown tresses were swooped over his eyes. Oh my god, he was so young, and his voice was good. I didn't even hear the front door open.

"Amara?" I heard Rafael call and I just slowly looked at him, mouth still wide open and he just froze in the hallway as he saw what I was watching. We just stared at each other.

"You were in plays?" I asked, and his cheeks grew red as he sighed some.

"I never thought you'd find my DVDs." he said putting his briefcase down. I raised some of them up.

"I didn't know you liked theater and singing." I replied. He loosened his tie and smiled some.

"You never really asked." he told. I bit my lip feeling flushed before nodding slowly looking at the DVDs before realizing he was here. I looked up at him.

"Wait, what are you doing home so early?" I asked.

"A big storm is coming in, so big there could be some power outages. I got off early to be here." he said. I arched a brow smiling some.

"With me?" I asked. He nodded.

"With you." he answered. I smiled more and nodded before looking more at the CDs and saw one that said "Beat It MJ". My eyes popped and I looked at him.

"You danced with Michael Jackson in Beat It?" I gushed and he just chuckled.

"No. Just another play, a dance off really." he said moving into the kitchen. "You hungry? I thought we could make something." But I had already gotten up and swapped the DVD. I stood up and positioned myself in the middle of the living room. The video played and I watched it now and saw a young Rafael leading a dance off in 80s street clothes and I smiled watching as he danced to lyrics. He was good and I could see the passion in his eyes as he moved. I had to admit I was impressed and liking what I saw. I knew a little bit of the choreography being showed. I began to move my hips so trying to jump in with the music and already I flowed in to the dances moving with the dancers on the screen.

Okay, I was really enjoying myself more than I should. I found myself laughing at much emotion Rafael was into it in the DVD. I saw Rafael in the kitchen doorway watching with an amused smirk on my face and raised my hand waving him over.

"Come on!" I said as the guitar solo in the song was ending. The perfect time for him to jump in. Rafael smiled more and stripped out of his business coat quickly and briskly moved up beside me jumping right into the dance. We were immediately in sync.

"Beat it, beat it  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right  
Just beat it, (WHO HOO) beat it!  
No one wants to be defeated  
Showin' how funky and strong is your fight  
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right  
Just beat it, beat it!"

Our hands shot out for the ceiling and we glided across the carpet matching the young actors and actresses on the screen. And surprisingly enough, Rafael has still got it at forty-three. He was sharp and still in shape enough to dance against the youthful version of him. We both laughed as we continued dancing around the room together keeping up with the music until the music faded and we both landed on the touch together finally panting gently from all the unexpected movement. We were both smiling and laughing not even caring about the lightning that was starting outside or the rumbling storm that had moved over the city. We both looked at each other.

"You still go it." I complimented lightly looking ahead.

"Yeah, thanks." he replied. I looked at the TV for a moment before smiling and casually looking at him once more and he was looking around himself when his eyes finally found their way back to mine. Our soft pants died down and our eyes softened upon each other as we just leaned into each other. His forest like scent cascades over me and I still like it. And in seconds our lips find each other. Like most men, his lips were thin but warm and soft. He gently raises his hand to gently rest on my neck to pull me closer. In order to do this, I had to turn my body to face him more. Does this mean he trusts me? Do I trust him fully? Does any of these questions really matter at this point? Maybe we don't need to think of this, maybe we can just give in to lust and let it take hold of us.

We can talk about what this will mean afterword. Suddenly everything goes dark and I lean back and gasp as the power goes out the darkness snapping me out of everything.

"It's okay, it's just the lights. The storm must be hitting." Rafael said, and I leaned back and stood up remaining in front of the couch. It was completely dark, but I could still see soft shapes and figures.

"Well should we go get some candles?" I asked.

"Yeah. We can put a candle in the kitchen, the living room and both our rooms." he instructed. I nodded.

"Alright." I replied and moved around to look for my phone and found it on the floor. I used its light to find my way around the house as Rafael used his. My heart was pounding fast in my chest and I found myself unable to really look him in the face. My cheeks were flushed and I felt like I was floating. There were candles in dressers and bookshelves in the corner. We both took a few candles and moved about the house lighting candles. Lightning burst outside and helped me see more. My body started to feel tight and I started to feel nervous for some reason.

"Amara, you got an extra candle?" Rafael asked from the hallway. I nodded setting one candle down on the dresser in my room before meeting him in the hallway.

"Yeah." I replied lightning it and following his voice until I was in his room. The rain pounded down on the roof hard and heavy and Rafael was standing in front of his window staring out at the harsh weather. It was dark all over. I stood beside him now looking at the weather. Now that nervousness began to gently fade away. I glanced down at Rafael's chest in thought of this. Slowly I just placed my shoulder ever so lightly against him and I feel that harsh heart beating in my chest quiet down and slow to a calm and even beat. I was still holding the candle when Rafael looked down at me the small light starting to reflect in his deep eyes. I could feel how calm he was. Maybe it was the weather that I found peaceful and his presence starting to make me feel leveled to the ground. Slowly we faced each other and just stared at each other for a long moment, our eyes telling each other everything. We are in the moment. We will deal with whatever comes after together. I lightly raised the candle to him and he didn't even look at it. He just kept his eyes on me as he gently blew out the candle inviting the darkness, no embracing the darkness all around us. I could lie to myself and say it's expected of me or that it's been a while that I had sex. I have needs right? Or I can admit just a bit that I was curious of what he had to offer. He began to gently lock his hands on my hips and I let him pull me gently into him before raising my hands to slide up his chest and slowly we closed the space between us and let our lips find each other yet again.


	14. Chapter 14

14

Rafael's scent made my body come to life in a way I never thought possible. His mouth opened immediately as he began to devour my mouth. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into his hold more. I wrapped my arms around his neck, letting my fingers curl into his soft hair. His tongue found mine and immediately, they swirled around each other and slowly I could hear him emitting a low moan and I hummed in response. I didn't think in these usual situations, I just let my body go into sexual auto pilot. My fingers moved down to his shoulders and began to feel their way over his pectoral muscles while his hands began to move down my hips, his fingers lightly curling to feel every curve of my body until they were just above my ass cheeks.

He was hesitant, our lips still fighting for dominance over each other. Slowly I began to move my hands to the middle of his shirt feeling for the small white buttons. When I found one button I just slowly moved my fingers up to his collar and began to slowly unbutton each little white garment. That gave him motivation to finally move his hands right over my bottom. I did my best to focus on getting the buttons undone until finally I was at the last one.

"I've wanted to touch you for so long." he whispered huskily against my lips as his head gently prodded against mine almost lovingly? I hummed softly.

"Sorry to make you wait." I said finally sliding his shirt off. The lightning from outside brightened the room every few seconds giving us enough light to see each other. I feel his hands grip the bottom of my shirt and raise it over my stomach. His eyes look at me with a deepness I had never seen in any man's eyes, not even Billy's. It made my heart thump faster than ever. His eyes were genuine, they were sincere as they were deep. The shirt comes off and now he looks down immediately at my chest before quickly jerking his head up at me.

"_Lo siento."_ he said and I shook my head.

"No. I am sorry… for being so difficult in the beginning." I replied now moving to remove his white tank and he raised his hands and now both of our chests were exposed. I looked down at his chest as well. He had a small shade of chest hair over his chest of which I expected of a man his age. It wasn't wild or bushy though. I tilted my head now as I just looked him all the way down to his stomach. I didn't see Rafael's face wince.

"I don't please you, do I?" he asked lowly, despair lightly in his tone. I looked up at him with bright eyes, noticing how discouraged he looked, before lifting my hands to his belt.

"Your pants are just in the way, stopping me from seeing all of you." I replied with a smile, and his eyes popped happily and he just leaned in and kissed me hard and rough. I replied smiling against his lips and his hands began to find my pants as well. We unbuckled and unzipped each other's pants and hurried to get them down and once that was done, he pulled back enough to take my hands and pull me over in the direction of the bed.

Five weeks ago, I would have dreaded the thought of this bed, feared that only pain and misery would come of it as I imagined him on top of me, spreading my legs open and forcing himself inside me. But now I was curious, maybe a little bit excited to find out what all this man knew. He gently guided me so that I was at the foot of his bed and he stood in front of me. We stared at each other for a moment just taking in each other's dark silhouettes. He looked me over some more before looking up at me with a dark look that didn't scare me but instead excited me. He placed his hand on my chest and with mild force he pushed me back onto the bed, and I landed with a thud watching as he now removed his white briefs, and I inhaled slowly at the sight of his semi erect cock.

It was an impressive size already while just partially hard.

"_Ahora me ves todo."_ he said. **(Now you see all of me)**. His body was what I thought it would look like when I wondered what he looked like naked. Not fat or have skin sagging. He took decent care of himself. Since I was in auto pilot, and had confidence in my body, I leaned up and reached into the back of my bra and unhooked it with no thought. His eyes immediately watched as I did this and slowly he crawled over me and helped me remove it from my body. He inhaled slowly upon looking down at me. Now that confidence began to shrink inside me because I had large areolas and now having him look directly at them made me cover my breasts.

"Don't laugh." I muttered looking away shyly. Slowly I felt warm hands begin to touch my face and slowly turn me to face his soft gaze.

"Why would I laugh at something so beautiful and all mine?" he asked, and I just stared at him stunned myself, and he gently rubbed his thumb over my chin. With his other hand he gently lowered my arms away from my chest exposing my breasts yet again. The soft gaze melted into deep hues once more as his face lowered and I watched as his tongue pressed right against my right nipple. I watched for a moment watching his tongue move in slow circular motions, and at first I didn't feel much of anything. Rafael stared at me as he did this, and then I felt his teeth apply slight pressure to my nipple. I hissed suddenly feeling the jolt of tingling sensations suddenly start to spread over my body.

My chest arched into him and he groaned gently and together we moved down onto the bed. My back melted into his blankets and I could feel gentle pants escape my lips as I felt his lips sucking teasingly slow on me. I feel my left nipple start to harden and already my head was falling back and before I could stop it, a moan of pleasure finally left my lips. His other hand came up to my left breast and gently he fondled them taking his time to enjoy the feel of my soft skin in his hands.

But this was only the beginning of the arousal I was starting to feel. I feel his lips finally starting to kiss soft lines down my stomach, and I knew he was going further down until his hands raised to my panties and he pulled them down quickly. Once they were gone, he tossed them to the ground and gently ran his hands gently over my legs and thighs. He smirked up at me as he continued to kiss my inner thigh and gently spread my legs wider.

"Your curls are so cute. _Muy lindo_." he teased gently, and before I could say anything, I feel his tongue slide from the bottom of my entrance up to my clit. I gasped at the tingling sensations that spread through me from that one lick. My body never reacted so quickly to anyone like that. I stared up at the darkness of the ceiling feeling the tip of his tongue flicking at my clit sparking more sensations causing me to squirm and whimper in pleasure. I feel him sucking now and I shiver violently at the feelings that were devouring me. My toes curled into the blankets and before I could stop myself, the moans grew. He added two fingers now gently moving them in and out slowly continuing to tease me more. My body felt on fire now.

"_Se siente bien."_ I replied weakly. **(It feels good).**

"Mm it feels good?" he pants roughly. I nodded quickly.

"Yes." I said with a tone more desperate than I initially wanted to sound.

"Will you make me feel good?" he asked. Now I lifted my head and our eyes locked, and I couldn't help but smirk. Pleasing men is what I was good at honestly.

"Yes, alpha." I purred. His eyes flexed at my words, and I could see the primal urges growing on his face. He slid up the bed and immediately I swapped positions and straddled his hips, and he just lied back marveling up at me in the darkness. I slowly started to move my hips on top of him, letting his now fully hardened shaft rub against my vagina. It was different feeling him sliding in between my now wet folds. Rafael was panting hard now keeping a tight hold on my legs moving his hips back against me in perfect sync. His head fell back against the pillow and I watched him panting and grunting lowly from the friction against each other. His lustful facial features gave me more confidence knowing that I had this effect on him. I started to move my hips faster before suddenly stopping, and he let out a whine looking up at me.

"_No mami no te detengas." _he begged. **(No mami don't stop.) **I smiled more and gently moved between his legs of which he eagerly parted them for me. I moved my face closer to his cock and I let out a slow lick from base to tip. His eyes shut tight and I could feel his cock twitching lightly from the obvious sensation. "Fuck!" I could taste his pre cum oozing from his slit and without hesitation I opened my mouth and took him all the way into my mouth taking all of him into the back of my throat.

His hands shot up and gripped the top of my head and I began to move my head up and down sucking loudly on him. He was hard as a rock and I was getting more and more aroused from the moans and pants that escaped from him. The room was filled with pants and curse words of pure bliss.

"Fuck. I don't care if I never cum!" he howled out, and this only made me suck harder on him moaning all around him. Slowly I lifted my head from him.

"My my councilor, quite the mouth on you." I teased moving to take him back in my mouth, but the sudden tightness on the top of my head stopped me, and I looked up at him to see him motion with his fingers for me to come to him. I slid up his body and our lips collided sloppily and we didn't care. In seconds he hooked his hands on my hips and swapped our bodies until I was back on my back with him on top of me slowly resting his body atop of me, his chest pushing into my own. We looked at each other with deep, needing eyes. Slowly our lips connect in a blissful and passionate kiss.

"You're perfect." he said softly, and I respond by opening my legs for him and gently raising my hands to gently caress his face and move a few strands of his hair out of his face. And that's when I saw it, the look of passion and love in his eyes for me that no man has ever looked at me with. And he'd only look at me like this, nobody else. He suddenly licked my lips possessively, and immediately the fire ignited even stronger inside me. He could see this and now began to reach down between our bodies and position himself at my entrance and his eyes never left mine as he started to spread my walls. Rafael placed his hands on either side of my body and with one strong thrust he completely impaled me, stretching my muscles right out. His eyes closed for a split second.

"You are so tight." he panted, and I nodded feeling mild pain from the intrusion.

"You should be happy about that." I panted, catching a glimpse of him from a burst of lightning. His face looked magnificent. He took no time in moving his hips against mine, sinking his face into my neck sucking and biting on my soft flesh. I gasped feeling the excitement grow from my nipples right down into my pelvis. I hummed with pleasure as my body already started to answer his, my hips moving to meet his movements. His hand found my breast, squeezing my nipple every so often applying the right amount of pressure to get a response from me.

"Ooh shit!" I cried out feeling the sensations pour into my body. It felt amazing feeling something so big stretching me out, preparing my walls to fit only him. His hand reaches up and he entangles his fingers into my hair as he holds me close to him. My legs wrap around his hips tight wanting him closer to me. His lips find mine and I respond immediately feeling more fire devour my body from his lips alone. We panted and moaned and moved our bodies as one, the heavy rain continuing to crash down atop of me. It was beautiful, everything about this moment. His thrusts transitioned from long and careful to dominating and forceful movements. It was like he wanted to hit every spot inside me with each thrust, and I felt him. I felt him in my stomach with each push and I cried out in total and utter submission.

He sucked and bit all over my neck of which I was sure would leave hickeys and small bruises.

The throbbing in my vagina was growing and reaching an all-time high. I was starting to see stars all around me. My moans increased and heightened the pleasure shooting up all around me.

"Ah, I'm gonna to cum!" I replied quickly feeling myself ready to explode. His thrusts grew more rapid and he took hold of my face and he forced our lips together as our bodies moved faster and harder against one another before I found my body being overwhelmed and drowned by tremors of pleasure. We moaned out hard against each other's lips, our bodies shaking violently as I can feel he had came inside me. After riding out his orgasm inside me, he slowly pulled out and finally rested against me, pulling me into him. The only noise was our pants and the sound of rain and thunder outside.

I curled into his hold feeling his hand gently stroke the top of my head and I feel his lips gently kissing the top of my forehead. Once more I'm devoured by his heavenly scent and feel more protected and safer than ever. I raise my face to gently smell the top of his chest, gently running my fingers over his skin. I closed my eyes and felt my body already shutting down for the night. And even in the morning when the sun finally awakens us, I find that I am still in his hold.


	15. Chapter 15

15

His scent was still heavy, still potent in my mind. After a few seconds of silence, I slowly leaned back and looked up to see Rafael slowly opening his eyes, attempting to blink away the sleep. I slowly shrugged from his hold and sat up. I looked around his room listening to him stretch and then groan.

"Morning." he said. I feel his hand gently press to my back rubbing it gently.

"Good morning." I replied running my fingers through my hair for a second. "Oh no, I never set my alarm for school." I could hear shuffling around.

"Well you're in luck, we both are. It seems your school and my job are closed due to not having power." he said. I turned to him to see him on his side holding up his phone to me. I took it and read the news article that stated the list of schools that were closed. He must have gotten an email from his job. I looked at my apple watch to see I had emails from my professors telling me their classes were canceled. I slowly smiled.

"This is wonderful." I said before looking at Rafael who was just stared up at me with a warm gaze, but he started to look unsure.

"Hey um, are you okay after last night? I know it was the heat of the moment and we both just gave in to passion. I just want to make sure you are okay with everything that happened." he said. I tilted my head some at him.

"You want to make sure I have no regrets." I said and he shrugged and nodded.

"Yes." he said. I nodded slowly looking down before shrugging.

"It's fine." I replied and his eyes flexed as he sat up some.

"Fine as you and I are okay, fine like it was just nice but I want to wait before we do it again, fine as in-"

"Fine as in I enjoyed myself and that we will probably do it again… soon." I purred smiling at him and his eyes sparkled some and he smirked and sat up leaning in to me and gently kissing me. I responded leaning in to him now letting my lips linger against his for a moment. After a few minutes of being lazy in bed, we got up and made breakfast together.

"I'll be in my office working for a bit to stay caught up in work. You gonna do anything today?" he asked and I shrugged.

"Probably a spin class at the gym if it's open and then study. You know keep it simple." I replied and he nodded.

"Your legs are going to look tremendous." he said and I smirked.

"That's what I'm going for." I said. Within the next hour I had my gym bag packed and ready. I stuck my head into Rafael's office and saw him on the phone. I wasn't going to disturb him but when he saw me, he quickly waved me inside and so I entered.

"Alright. When the power is back on I'll be in. Good bye." he said and looked at me. "You heading out?" I nodded.

"Yes. Was gonna see if you needed anything." I replied and he shook his head.

"No thank you, mami. But tonight around seven. I am attending a small get together for work. People I work with will be there and I wanted to know if you'd like to go as my date." he said. I thought about it.

"Is it like some alpha's club or something?" I asked. He gave a soft look as he shook his head approaching me and placing his hands on my hips.

"No, nothing like that. Just some associates have invited me over. Olivia and some of the other detectives will be there. There will be food, entertainment, you get to meet some pretty powerful people." he offered. I could hear how genuine his tone was and knew that he did want me to go. I nodded smiling up at him.

"Okay." I replied, and he smiled.

"Wonderful. I know you'll have a good time." he said.

"I hope so." I teased and he pecked my lips.

"Have a good work out." he said, and I smiled and left his office.

"Don't work too hard!" I called out.

"Never!" he replied. I grabbed his keys off the island and left the house. It ended up being a wasted drive, because the gym was closed due to the weather. I could have driven around to pass the time, but this wasn't my car to use for boredom. So I headed back to Rafael's, did a major jog, and now was stepping out of my shower fully clean, hair wet and in long waves. I used to miss the cork screw curls I used to have, but seeing as my hair is way more manageable, I liked it this way. I started my hair routine, wrapping it up and sitting under my hair dryer in the kitchen. I played on my phone during most of the time. When that was done, I unwrapped my hair and used my hatchet blow dryer to comb through the rest of my hair to dry it and now I was sitting on a stool in the bathroom using my curling iron to curl my hair.

Rafael was watching me in the doorway of the bathroom.

"It literally took you almost two hours to do your hair." he said and I nodded.

"That's the price of having long thick hair." I replied. I glanced at him to see he was dressed in one of his suits.

"Work call you in?" I assumed and he shook his head.

"Yes Liv wanted to see me about some important business one a case she's working on." he said. I nodded and continued to curl my hair.

"Okay well be careful there is a lot of debris in the road." I said. He nodded.

"Want me to bring you any lunch?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I'll be fine." I replied and he nodded.

"Alright. I'll be back in an hour or so." he said and I nodded.

"Okay." I replied as he left from the room.

Rafael's POV

My stomach was tight as I looked at the images before me. It honestly made me sick. Picture after picture was of a dead woman. Liv looked at me with firm eyes.

"I felt we needed to speak in person about this." she said. I had met her at Java's Café. I smiled at her, but when she didn't smile back, I knew something had happened. Ten pictures, all of dead women, African American between the ages of eighteen and twenty-six.

"All betas. We have ten distraught alphas wanting justice, some even wanting to take matters into their own hands." she said. I observed the strangulation marks around their necks.

"So we have a serial killer killing young African American women in New York." I said stiffly. Liv nodded.

"We have no idea if there is more, but each of their patterns are the same. Each one is sexually assaulted, then strangled. And these are just of the ten cases we know of." she informed. I shook my head confused.

"Why weren't these women being watched by their alphas, what do their alphas say?" I asked. Liv looked at me stunned.

"Barba, you know that nothing could have prevented these deaths. All of the women are different. Some go to school and others are working. They could have been tricked or just attacked during their day to day lives." she said. I looked from the pictures to her.

"But what do their alphas say?" I asked once more. She sighed gently.

"Mostly that their betas were at work or school or running an errand when they suddenly disappeared." she said.

"How long are they missing for?" I asked.

"Twenty-four, sometimes forty-eight hours." she told. I nodded slowly.

"Did all ten of these betas have good relationships with their alphas?" I asked. She shrugged.

"Some did, some were still new to the bond. We spoke with family and friends and they told us mostly that the relationship was good. Some pairs were taking it slow." she told. "But nothing to indicate that there was rejection in any of the pairs." I nodded slowly looking back at the pictures. These girls… they were all just starting their lives. They all had hobbies and interests… and they all looked like Amara. I felt I would be sick.

"Have you got any leads?" I asked.

"Only one: they had all left AntiDom one point in their lives." she said. My eyes hardened at her words.

"Someone in AntiDom is going after members who willingly chose to leave the group." I said.

"We have spoken to Albert Nottingham. He said he's fully prepared to cooperate with anything we want to show he and his members aren't responsible." she said. I looked at the pictures in thought.

"Maybe someone is killing in the name of AntiDom, but they are for the defense of betas. They wouldn't kill betas, it'd go against everything they think they stand for." I said. Liv nodded.

"Which leaves us back to square one." she said. My jaw clenched and I looked around with utter irritation. And here I was here while my beta was home alone.

"Keep me updated on this case. Let me know what you find out. You going to be at Munoz's tonight?" I asked. She nodded.

"Yeah, we'll be there." she said. "Just… be careful. Talk to Amara, tell her to be mindful of her surroundings." I nodded as I got up and swung my jacket over my arm before a thought hit me.

"Talk to Amara's father, Johnathon O'Neal, he's a deception researcher who specializes in alpha/beta cases. Maybe he can tell you if our attacker is an alpha… or someone's beta." I said and turned and left the café swiftly.

Amara's POV

Now that my hair was done, I decided to go over the material for my classes in case I had to go in tomorrow. I had the TV on in my room for back ground noise. As I listened to the TV, I heard a loud thud coming from down stairs. At first I tried to ignore it, until I heard another thud. I looked up and got up wondering what was going on. The thudding continued of which it sounded like the front door. I quietly left the room and went down stairs and toward the front door. I looked through the peephole and saw it was a few women standing there. They were neighbors, that much I knew. I opened the door and smiled politely.

"Hi there, I'm Jill and these are Lisa, Megan and Hailey. We are a part of the neighborhood watch. We are just going door to door informing everyone of a possible… serial killer in New York. The news stated already that ten women have been found and we noticed they were young, African American girls and we just want to make sure everyone is safe and aware of what's going on." Jill said.

"Please be careful when you're out by yourself and if you notice any strange people in the neighborhood maybe stalking around, please inform the police." Lisa said. I nodded swiftly feeling knots form in my stomach as I looked at each and every one of the women's faces.

"Yes. I'll keep an eye out. Thank you." I replied and they ladies nodded and stepped down the porch. I bit my lip in nervousness as I made sure the door was locked. I knew this was something Rafael and I would have to discuss when he comes back. I'm sure he's going to be paranoid and I am sure his security on me is going to tighten. Now I made sure all the windows and doors around the house were secure as they should be.


	16. Chapter 16

16

I had a few dresses for formal occasions, but who knew if these dresses would be enough for a high class formal party. I heard the front door open and suddenly shut.

"Amara!" I heard Rafael call out frantically. Confused I moved out into the hallway. He called my name once more with a bit of edge. He was coming up the stairs when I saw him.

"What is it?" I asked worriedly and he just approached me and wrapped his arms around me tight.

"_¿Qué pasa?"_ I asked. **(What's the matter?)** He pulled back and just looked me over.

"Olivia told me some horrible news and I just couldn't stand to be away from you any longer." he said. I nodded taking his hands.

"Let's talk in your room." I said and we walked to his room and I let him explain about this serial killer that was murdering African American beta women**.** He was pacing in front of the bed as I was sitting atop of it.

"But how does this man or woman know that these specific women are betas?" I asked. He shrugged.

"Who knows. He probably watches them, learn their routines and then picks a time to strike." he replied and I looked down some.

"Well, I may not know Olivia very well, but I am sure she and her team will catch this person." I replied. He nodded placing his hands on his hips.

"Be honest with me, mami… has anyone from AntiDom tried to make contact with you?" he asked. I shook my head.

"No. My last meeting with any member was Orion at the precinct." I told.

"You're sure?" he asked sharply. I nodded.

"Yes, I am sure. There's been no retaliation from AntiDom on me." I said and he sighed and I crawled to the end of the bed taking his hand.

"Look we have no idea if this person will ever come into our lives and we cannot let them strike fear in us." I told. He just stared down at me with a soft gaze as he gently shook his head.

"You didn't see their faces, Amara… you didn't see their pale skin on that table. Their hair, their ages, everything you fit the profile of who this maniac is targeting. I don't ever want to feel what those alphas are feeling right now: loss, pain, uncontrollable anger and rage. The two of us just got to a good place together and I don't want anything to happen to you." he explained raising his hand and touching it to my cheek. I could hear the obvious pain in his voice. I personally don't believe that I would be targeted, but then again you never know until it happens. I nodded slowly.

"Has news of this person been broadcasted into the news?" I asked.

"Not yet, but soon they will be." he replied and I nodded.

"Okay well I'll keep my meetings at school brief, I'll cut back on my jogging and only go on campus until they are caught. I'll do my best not to be alone if I can help it." I replied. He looked down some.

"Could I convince you to skip your meetings and just come straight home?" he asked. I winced.

"And live in fear? I'm sorry, but I cannot do that, I won't." I replied holding his hand in mine once more. He nodded.

"At least I could say I tried. Just please be careful text me where you're going even if you don't get a response?" he asked. I nodded smiling warmly and kissing the top of his hand.

"I will. Now, I need to pick out a dress to wear to this thing you've invited me to." I said and got up and left the room.

Within a few hours, I was finishing the last few touches on my hair, pinning a tight bun on the top and letting the rest hang over my shoulders. I was in a black dress that had a vertical circle cut out in the back. It was tight around the bust area, so it pushed my breasts up a bit. I could hear Rafael coming up behind me. He was in a nice suit with a black tie, his hair beautifully combed as usual. I wasn't paying much attention, until suddenly his hands came around my neck with a rose gold necklace with a tear drop pendent on the end. I gasped as it shined already around my neck.

I let my fingers graze the pendent, and I turned and looked up at him with bright eyes.

"It's beautiful, Rafael. Thank you." I said standing up and he smiled down at me.

"Anything to see you smile, mami." he said. I smiled up at him and leaned forward kissing him gently.

"What did I do to deserve this beautiful necklace?" I asked. He looked down at my neck with a warm smile before looking up at me.

"Truthfully… while you were in the holding cell when we first met I left to call your parents and while they were on their way here, I went to the jewelry store and bought it in hopes it would get you to like me." he said. My eyes softened at his words and I would have went aww, but I refrained. I touched the necklace once more.

"You have good timing… if it was still weeks ago I probably would have thrown it at you in anger with assumptions you were trying to buy my feelings." I said and now he laughed.

"That's definitely something you would do. _¿Estas listo para ir?_" he asked. **(Are you ready to go?)** I nodded and he held his arm out to me. I wrapped my arm around his and we left the room.

"So are all of these your friends from the precinct?" I asked as we now made our way through the house and out the door. Rafael nodded once.

"More like acquaintances, and a few others you don't know from the political side of my life. I guarantee you will have an amazing time." he said. I smiled and nodded.

"I can't wait to meet them." I said causing him to smile wide. Once we got out to his car, Rafael opened the door for me and I got in. We drove into the city, and I couldn't help but be curious of who he associated with. Were they rich spoiled alphas? Did they demand and parade their betas around? If I was uncomfortable there would he care, or do what he could to save face with his friends? I was so lost in thought that I did not notice him glancing back at me.

"What are you thinking about?" I hear him ask, and I looked at him before looking at him with a light smile.

"Nothing." I replied, and he glanced at me.

"Come on mami, I can see it in your eyes you seem worried." he said. I felt a light knot form in my stomach before looking at him.

"Who are these people we are seeing? Are they just some people you are trying to impress? Will they parade their betas around like show dogs? Will you try and impress them by showing me off?" I asked softly and his eyes hardened, but in show of concern than anger.

"No nothing like that! I would never do such a thing to you." he said, and I looked at him for a long moment.

"But these people may do that?" I asked and he was hesitant.

"Amara, I can't control the actions of other people especially other alphas." he started, but my quick nodding stopped him.

"I understand. Not everyone can be as understanding and kind hearted as you." I said placing my hand over his leg and he smiled.

"Well I've never been called kind hearted before." he said dryly, and I just chuckled and looked ahead.

I had my phone in a small clutch purse with me and it vibrated. I pulled it out and knew the number all too well even if it wasn't saved in my phone. It was Billy. He had been both messaging me and calling me and I knew why. He had heard about the serial killer, obviously and had been sending me news articles and texts of worry for my safety.

"Who is that?" Rafael asks pulling me from my thoughts, and I looked up at him.

"No one important." I said putting my phone away, but the look of annoyance was already spreading over his face. He sighed heavily.

"Amara you promised. You promised you were done with Billy Conlan." he said, the anger apparent in his tone. I was still for a moment nodding numerous times.

"I am. He was just texting me his concerns. He knows about this killer out there, the neighborhood betas came to the house earlier to warn me as well. Everyone is just looking after their loved ones." I said. He scoffed some and looked out the window.

"Loved ones." he muttered, and my jaw tightened at my use of words.

"I didn't mean it like that. Sooner or later my parents will find out and will ask me to just move back with them until this person is caught." I said and he exhaled heavily through his nose.

"I just don't want there to be any secrets between us." he said and I nodded.

"Of course. Look he only messaged me today and I have told him that I am fully aware and that I will be fine and safe." I told him as we stopped at a red light. Finally he could look at me and read my eyes. I stared at him sincerely and seriously. "I know our relationship wasn't built on trust and I fully understand after what I did with Billy you will have doubts. But I don't want to put that stress on your soul ever again." I held my left hand out to him, palm up and he just gazed at me gently before placing his hand in it and curling them together and raising my hand to kiss the top of my palm. I smiled warmly and he drove through the green light.

Within thirty minutes, we arrived at some large mansion owned by some childhood friend and state senator, Alex Munoz and his beta and wife, Yelina. As we entered, we were greeted immediately by friends of Rafael's. They all smiled and shook his hands and gave warm, but dry smiles to me. By now I got to see Olivia and all of the cops from the precinct and a few other alphas and their betas. Most of them didn't say much during conversations between alphas, so I knew I most likely couldn't either. Amanda was the only one speaking alongside Olivia, but they were all surrounded by other detectives so it was like alphas and betas didn't exist in the group at all. Fin was here with a beautiful dark-skinned woman with soft curls and a pretty smile. Carisi didn't have anyone at his side. Did he not have a beta… was he a beta?

I could tell it was not my place to go over and ask though.

"I've got to say, Rafi, I never thought you'd ever snag a beta especially one as beautiful at this young gem such as this." Alex complimented turning my attention from the group of detectives to my alpha and his friends. Rafael smiled placing a hand on my lower back. All the alpha men and women smiled and laughed observing me.

"Well the universe works in mysterious ways." he said smiling at me. Now all attention was on me and I did not like that.

"So tell me, Amara, is it? What is it you are going to school for?" Alex asked and I glanced at Rafael to see if he wanted to speak for me but he gave a curt nod and I smiled and looked at Alex.

"Journalism." I replied. Alex nodded as if impressed. Yelina just looked down as if not wanting to be a part of this conversation. Me too girl, me too.

"Have you ever thought of campaigning? I'll soon be running for mayor. I know I could use your journalistic mind on some things." he said. I could see Yelina hide her scowl. She did not like where this conversation was going so I just politely shook my head.

"Me? Oh no I know nothing about politics. I'd probably be a distraction to you with my many mess ups." I said. Alex just nodded slowly.

"Well if you ever interested, let me know. We can get together." he said. I immediately felt Rafael's hand mildly tighten a bit on my back. I just nodded.

"Thank you." I replied. I managed to politely slip away and move across the other side of the hall toward a window. It was exactly what I expected. But I couldn't blame Rafael he can't control others. At least he said nothing to belittle me or treat me like I was second class and for that I was thankful for. I drank my red wine and in silence and just looked out the window before finding myself on a beautiful balcony.

"Hey you're missing the party." I hear Olivia say. I turn and see her in a golden dress and slowly I shook my head.

"This party is for your kind." I said looking away ignoring her look of confusion. She hid it well with a smile.

"My kind?" she asked. I just looked at her knowing full well that she knew what I meant. She nodded slowly and looked back toward the party. "In your world you see segregation… but in my world, I see it too." I looked at her confused and she smiled looking toward Amanda.

"I have spent most of my life rejecting the idea of a beta. I don't necessarily think it's right that the cosmos created an alpha and a beta, but I do like that we all have the freedom to make a choice. Even though some betas don't want to be with their alphas, and in some rare cases alphas don't want to be with their betas, we are out there making sure everyone still has their freedom of live how they want. Amanda didn't have to accept me, because she was seeing men and she felt trapped and that her life would be changing, but she gave me a chance and soon accepted me. You really didn't have to accept Barba, but you two are making it work. You're _choosing _to and from what I can see you both seem really happy. But whatever your choice is- no one has the right to tell you how to live your life." she said. I scoffed mildly and sipped my wine.

"You were all planning to send me to prison if I didn't help you stop AntiDom and sign myself over to him." I said, and she nodded with a motherly smile.

"But that deal has been long gone. And you are still here." she pointed out and I looked at her and thought about her words. When Rafael told me that I was no longer to help with their case after speaking with Orion, he indeed was taking our deal off the table. I was free to leave the minute I promised to stay away. I looked up at Olivia to her smiling.

"Don't over think it." she merely replied and turned and moved back to talk to her coworkers. As she left, Rafael came up to me and smiled.

"You were talking to Olivia, that can't be good." he teased placing his and on the small of my back. I smiled.

"We were just getting to know each other." I said, and he smiled and nodded.

"Well I hope you are still enjoying the party. I know Alex can be a bit of a flirt, but he'd never over step, he loves his wife." he said. I kept the scoff of disbelief low.

"It seems he just likes to play the field knowing his beta has no choice but to stay." I replied. He looked at me confused.

"Hey where did that come from?" he asked and I looked at him.

"Come on you really think the reason he'd want me to help with his campaign was just out of being kind and giving me a job? Did you not see Yelina's face" I asked. He looked down some nodding.

"Okay point taken." he replied. I nodded.

"You wouldn't have squeezed my back either if you didn't notice it." I replied with a smirk making him nod more.

"Alright. That is true. I didn't like him making any type of moves on you." he admitted. I nodded with a smile.

"It's okay. He's not my type." I teased and we shared a gentle laugh before he motioned his head back inside.

"I would love for you to get to know some more of my acquaintances." he said and I nodded with a smile.

"Alright." I responded and followed him back inside.

It was about one in the morning, when Rafael and I left his party. His coat was draped over my shoulders as it was cool out this morning. Rafael was mildly agitated due to Carisi and I sharing a few more interests in art and theater. Which honestly was a step forward because I thought he was a real jerk in the beginning. But as we spoke, he managed to have me chuckling over past cases he used to have have of which he completely messed up. To Rafael we were talking a bit more than usual.

"I can imagine he wants to be "besties" now so that you all can talk about Hamlet for over an hour. And I KNOW Hamlet." he said heatedly. I chuckled and stepped in front of him gripping his collar stopping him in his tracks, his eyes avoiding mine and a childish huff escaping him.

"I'm sorry darling. It was just nice getting to know your friends." I said. He glanced at me.

"More like coworkers." he mumbled. I leaned up on my tip toes and he looked at me closely.

"Yet you will always have my attention." I said and kissed him deeply. He replied almost immediately and wrapped his arms around my hips.

"Come on mami, let's get you home." he said against my lips. I agreed and we went home.


	17. Chapter 17

17

Luckily the streets were asleep and not many cars stopped us from getting back to his home. We went inside and didn't bother to cut on any lights. We both just wanted to sleep.

"I am going to be exhausted in a few hours." he said, his tone low and tired.

"Maybe you can take a day off to just relax." I replied.

"Sadly today was that day." he said and motioned his hands at my back to remove my coat. I let him slide it off me and he hung our coats on the coat rack. Quietly we went up the stairs and I stopped at my door and he passed me gently letting his hand slide across my back gently.

"Good night." he replied softly, and I placed my hand on the doorknob before pausing in thought. I looked at him to see him just about to open his door.

"Hey… sleep in my bed tonight?" I asked, and he paused and looked at me for a moment before I just entered my room and let the door drift open. Maybe the talk of this serial killer has me more spooked than I thought. I kicked off my shoes and just slid out of my dress. Rafael entered removing his pants and his shirt.

"Just so we are both clear on this, we're just sleeping correct?" he asked. I smiled tiredly as I entered the bathroom.

"Yes. Don't worry I know we both need our sleep." I replied entering the bathroom and wiping my face with make up remover. He followed and we sloppily shared my sink just washing our face.

"Don't get me wrong, for you I'll force the energy." he teased. I grinned and just patted his back.

"I know you would." I said.

We were now in my bed, curled up together. My back was to his chest and he held me quietly. I was very tired and I could already feel my brain trying to work out getting up with being at least a little rested in time to make breakfast and get to school tomorrow.

"I'm sorry if I end up cranky in a few hours. I'm not used to staying out late and I like to control my morning as much as I can so as to not be late for school and I can be a pain if I don't get enough sleep." I said after rolling over to face him. He watched me with tired eyes and I figured maybe it wasn't the time to talk about this.

"Why didn't you tell me you were ready to leave at the party?" he asked gently. I shrugged softly closing my eyes some before opening them.

"I don't know. Maybe I didn't think it was my place to. And I didn't want your friends to think you were a slave to me." I said gently, and he just shook his head resting his hand on my cheek.

"But Amara, I _am_ a slave to you. Now that I have found my beta in you, I want nothing more than to make sure you are happy and safe with me. That's the job of an alpha." he said, and I looked down slightly feeling relief take over me.

"I'm kind of glad you are my alpha. I am glad we got paired together." I said, and he smiled.

"Me too. Let's not forget to set our alarms this time." he said. We smiled at each other then rolled over to get our phones, cut on our alarms and rolled back to face each other smiling. "How about when we both wake up tomorrow cranky, we both be cranky towards other people and not each other?" I chuckled gently and nodded.

"I like the way you think." I replied and we both gently kissed each other good night.

Rafael's POV

I watched her fall asleep and as she slept hard, I just outlined her face, taking in every inch of her. Then I remembered those girls on the coroners table. I couldn't close my eyes yet without the far of seeing her on a table, eyes closed, flesh decaying and purple. How could I keep her safe without becoming overbearing and upsetting her again? This is a struggle of an alpha, not having the answer to protect the one you love. Oh yes, I was madly in love with this young woman. At first it was just infatuation from the fact I found my beta, but now it blossomed into something more, more than anything I could have ever thought possible.

I didn't realize it was four in the morning now. I had just stared at her face for three hours. As she groaned gently and shifted a bit I just watched her. I don't know if every alpha thought this, but to me, there was something magical about her. It was like a soft light illuminated her face every time she came into a room. A spot light almost. I took in every inch of her body from the black bird tattoo she had on the top right side of her back, all the way to her toes. She even had a purple hibiscus flower tattoo on her left arm with the words genuine at the top that would be upside if she looked at it. That's what she was. Genuine in everything she did.

I meant what I said about being a slave to her. Anything she wanted I would do that didn't involve us not being a mated pair. I would have never let her got to jail, she was just gullible enough to call my bluff. I'd rather worship the ground she walks on then having her feel she had to walk on egg shells around me. My gaze lightly hardened on her.

I don't even want to think of what I was capable of if anyone were to ever try and hurt her. I didn't sleep tonight and yet I still felt perfectly rested drinking in her form. Our alarms woke her up and she blinked away the sleep, groaning some and slowly turning to me. Her eyes were sleepy as she looked at me curiously.

"You look very refreshed. Did you sleep alright?" she asked almost with concern, and I smiled and nodded slowly snuggling some into her pillow. These satin pillow cases were heaven.

"Oh yes." he replied and she smiled and nodded.

"Good. Now… let's go be cranky at the world." she said and got up and I leaned up some smiling at her bare form as she walked over to the bathroom. She then pauses in the doorway and looks at me. "Want to shower with me, at least we can get that done together." I smiled even more and nodded.

"Whatever you want, mami. Get the shower started, I need to make a very quick call." I told her and she nodded.

"Don't keep me waiting." she said. I winked at her.

"_Nunca."_ I promised. **(Never)** She kept smiling and entered the bathroom. As I heard the shower cut on I turned and lifted my phone and made a call to a friend who owned a car dealer ship.

"Hey, Everett. Is it ready?" I asked.

"It's already en route to you. Should be there in thirty minutes." he replied. I only smiled and looked at the bathroom to see panties suddenly dropping out the door. I grinned.

"Excellent. Thank you, my friend." I replied and hung up and swung the covers off my body and with energy I never knew I had, I hopped out of the bed and ran into the bathroom after sliding my boxers off.

Amara's POV

My hair was pinned up so no water would catch it and to make sure that didn't happen Rafael stood in front of the shower catching most of the water. We had already bathed and was clean, but at the moment our arms were wrapped around each other and we were just making out at this point.

"Mm any longer we will both definitely be late for class and work." he said. I nodded in agreement pecking his soft lips.

"The city works fast with getting the power on everywhere." I replied with disappointment. He smiled.

"Well the faster we both get out of here the faster we can get back to each other." he said. I smirked.

"You can only promise that if you don't have to work late tonight which I suspect you will because of the power being out." I replied. He nodded slowly.

"Maybe after class, you can stop by." he said. I shrugged and nodded.

"Sure. I can't promise that the traffic will be nice especially on the bus." I replied. Suddenly a ringing made me jump and look behind me at the door. It was the doorbell. Rafael just hugged me close in response. I then looked at him worried.

"Are you expecting company?" I asked and he shook his head.

"No." he replied. We got out of the shower and dressed quickly in separate rooms. I wore a white sweater and leggings and he came out in his usual suit. The doorbell rang again and Rafael led me to the door before looking out the peep hole before smiling at me with excitement and stepping from the door.

"Why don't you go look and see who it is." he said. I looked at him very confused and arched a brow slowly moving to the door and opening it. In the driveway next to Rafael's car was a silverfish blue Toyota Camry. My eyes widened as I looked at him.

"What is that?" I asked and moved outside. My hands clasped over my mouth. "NU UH! No you didn't!" I looked from the car to him to see him smiling and he shrugged.

"I wanted you to have your own car." he said. I gawked and looked back at the car and moved over to it, too afraid to touch it. It was beautiful. I looked at him once more to see him approaching with his hands in his pockets.

"What year is this?" I asked.

"2017." he replied. I felt tears streaming down my face in utter happiness. He knew I came from a Toyota family so that's what made this even more special.

"Oh my god… I mean OH MY GOD!" I blurted in happiness before sniffling and looking at Rafael before spreading my arms and moving up to him. He wrapped his arms around me and kissed me passionately. I responded immediately holding him close. After a few seconds, someone cleared their throats and I saw a man in a black jumpsuit.

"Just need a signature and the keys are yours." he said holding up a clip board with a pair of black keys on them. Rafael took the clip board and handed me the keys. I held them in my hands and felt complete excitement devour me. Rafael gave the clip board back and the man nodded his head at us and walked down the street to a big truck and drove away. I placed my hand over my head in utter awe. I looked at Rafael.

"I don't know what to say. I mean… I'm sure this cost you a lot of money and-" Rafael shook his head and waved his hand in front of me.

"Don't. I did this because I wanted to. You need a car and I got it for you." he said and I just stared at him crying some more before pulling him into me once more. He was even warmer against me now and I drank it all in.

"Thank you." I said sincerely in his ear and pulled back and he smiled.

"You are always welcome. Now we are both officially late for work and school." he said, and I couldn't help but laugh now as I honestly didn't care about being late today.

"I think I will be okay. I can get notes from class mates." I replied. He nodded.

"Okay. Still coming by after then?" he asked. I nodded with a smile.

"Yes." I replied gently and he nodded.

"Maybe you can sit in another case of mine." he said. I nodded.

"Text me your schedule and I'll let you know when I am on my way." I replied and his eyes brightened even more. There was no need to rush entirely now. We headed back inside, got our brief cases and back pack and headed back onto the front porch. Now I could finally put my house key on something now. We stepped down off the stairs and Rafael placed his hand on my back.

"I'll see you later, _mi amor_." he replied. We shared a loving kiss before separating into our own vehicles. The seats were leather and black and my radio and speakers were all blue tooth. Oh my god this entire car was beautiful. I looked back at Rafael letting him reverse first. This was all because of him. My parents were planning to get me a car before I graduated, so I was fine with being patient since it was clear a car was coming. But this gift from my alpha, was something I would never forget.

Luckily I had made it to my Abnormal Psychology class in time for my exam. Our psychology building was quite large and we were on third floor. It wasn't a hard test really, and I was honestly breezing through it. Sadie was in my class as well and it was going pretty well. Honestly nothing could ruin this day. I mean I got a car today! A car to call my own.

BANG!

Everyone looked up now at the sound and we all slowly looked at each other, eyes filling immediate panic. BANG! BANG! BANG! It was like we were all on auto pilot as we knew the sound of a gunshot followed by blood curdling screams.

"LOCK THE DOOR!" someone yelled in panic, and immediately I dropped to the floor as people started to scream. Our professor moved to cut the lights out.

"Everyone stay do-" BANG! Blood painted the floor as his body seemed to explode of blood and he fell to the ground. Everyone screamed as the door was kicked opened…

Oh my god.


	18. Chapter 18

18

Normal POV

Rafael made it to work pretty happy despite not sleeping at all. He managed to pay attention enough to prepare for his cases this afternoon. He had to head into the precinct to discuss a case Olivia and some of the other detectives would be sitting in on next week.

"Despite looking so tired, Barba, you look insanely happy." Amanda pointed out. Olivia smiled as their ADA smiled.

"Yes. Well I can say happily that everything is going well with Amara. I'm sure I scored major points by buying her a car." he said almost braggingly. Everyone's eyes popped.

"Ooh a car. Ladies love it when you buy them a car." Fin stated.

"Yeah well she needed one, and I figured I could beat her parents plans to get her one by buying one for her first. That way she can get around on her own and I won't have to worry about her taking busses. Now with that serial killer on the loose, I'd like her car to be a weapon too should anyone try anything." he explained.

"Well they're gonna have an entire police force on their ass if they ever decided that." Carisi said. Rafael smirked at him. Olivia's desk phone began to ring, then Amanda's then Carisi, then Fin's. Barba's eyes squinted a bit at how unusual for everyone's phone to start ringing. However when they all answered it, one by one, their eyes began to widen, their faces dropping in total panic and shock. It seemed the entire precinct was getting the call as everyone began to jump to their feet grabbing their bullet proof vests. Rafael looked at Olivia as she grabbed her gun.

"What's going on?" he asked swiftly. Olivia looked at him quickly.

"There's an active shooter at Marymount University." she said. Barba's stomach felt it had dropped out of his body as his eyes widened.

"That's Amara's school!" he said quickly watching as everyone began to rush from the room. Rafael started to follow, but Olivia stopped him quickly.

"You need to stay here in case you hear from Amara!" she demanded. Rafael's eyes widened more.

"My beta could be in trouble I have to go!" he demanded.

"Barba!" she yelled, there was no time for arguments.

"I'm waiting with the ambulances, that's not up for debate!" he yelled running past her. Olivia had no time to talk and she turned and followed her team out.

Amara's POV

My vision was blurry as I finally came to. I remember hearing loud shots and feet running over me. My head was pounding and faint yelling could be heard. I slowly opened my eyes after shutting them and saw a figure lying in front of me. After blinking numerous times, my vision cleared and I saw who it was. I groaned some and slowly rolled onto my stomach.

"Sadie." I groaned out in pain. She wasn't moving and her eyes were closed. "Sadie!" I slowly managed to lift myself to see her. Her body was covered in a large red spot and numerous holes were in her chest and neck. I stared at her for a long moment, not being able to figure out what I was seeing.

"Sadie, get up." My throat hurts from being stepped on. I cried as I crawled over to her. "GET UP!" I shook her body some and she still wouldn't wake up. Why? Why won't she wake up! My heart jolted now as I heard another roar. But it wasn't someone yelling it was multiple bangs. I placed my hand on the nearest object which was the edge of my table and got up. Foot prints were all over my outfit. I was trembling now as I slowly looked down again to see more bodies sleeping on the ground. They shouldn't be sleeping we have a test.

I heard more screaming coming from all around me and I slowly looked down upon feeling my bottom start to vibrate. I blink a few times before I start to reach behind me and feel for my phone. It's Rafael. I plan to answer it but the banging was closer this time. But I didn't move. My legs were locked where they were. I had dropped my phone now as I heard footsteps entering the room. I slowly turned to face the person. Was it a good guy? Was it the bad guy? I stare at a slim, Hispanic face with short hair and brown eyes. He's in a red hoodie with black boots with a very large gun in his hands. His hoodie looks heavy as if he has something hidden under his jacket. He holds the big gun up to me and I stare at his face.

Light brown eyes that are beautiful yet red and water from tears. He's about to pull the trigger.

"Why are you crying?" I asked. This person is a student. His hoodie has the school's name on it. His eyes just widen some as he lowers his gun just a bit before angrily looking at me and holding it back up walking up to me.

"Are you an alpha? Or a beta?" he asked. His tone got so angry upon saying the word beta. But I was so numb, so needing to finish my test.

"Beta." I replied lifelessly. He shook his head.

"Prove it." he said wildly. I just stared at him now, my face wet with tears. What did it matter? He clearly hated betas, why were we even here together at this moment? My heart starts to beat faster and faster.

"How does one prove she is owned? I am not given a collar and there are no bruises on me to state I am put in my place. We've been taught most women are betas. It's elementary facts." I replied. The guy looked at me angrily and he was huffing and puffing. "Why are you crying?" Why did you do this? Why did you kill my classmates? What do you want? He squinted at me some.

"I've seen you… on campus and in magazines. You're that girl who was with fighter Billy Conlan. He said you have an alpha. So you are a beta!" he said panting heavily.

"If you're picking people off by status, then just continue with whatever your plan is!" I yelled. The boy stared at me now, slowly stepping toward me. He could have killed me from far away, why did he have to get closer. My body trembled violently as he neared. I suspected he just wanted to shoot me up close. I immediately see Rafael's face as we are lying in bed together, our fingers playing in each other's hands. There will be no more playing or teasing or kissing or loving.

The arguments are gone now and I will never be able to see him happy again. The shooter stood right in front of me now and placed the end of his gun to my chest. It was hot, and burned a hole in my sweater all ready. He just stared at my chest now, eyes blank and numb.

"You stepped out on your alpha." he said angrily.

"And he forgave me." I replied quickly. Like this conversation even mattered. Like I could convince this man of anything now. He didn't even seem to process my words.

"I told her I was her alpha… and she rejected me. I told her I would do anything to make her happy… and she laughed in my face. She said she would never give herself to me for as long as she lived. She was going to marry a man of worth. She said I wasn't worth anything. My beta, said that to me!" he said, his voice breaking into a yell. I winced at his words, not even realizing I had raised my hands up. I nodded slowly noticing the end of a handgun sticking out of his front pocket. "She was supposed to be mine and she chose not to be. There was nothing else I could do. I had to ensure she was mine, but she said she wouldn't as long as she lived. Now she gets to be mine." My eyes just stared at him wide. He killed his beta. I know he did.

"There's nothing else left now. She cared more about this school and her friends than she did about me. And now I took _all_ of her friends. _All_ of her family." he said hysterically. I just nodded eyes weakening as I felt I had no fight left in me.

"_Lo siento."_ I whispered, and his eyes snapped up at me as he looked at me with wide eyes. I sniffled and shook my head crying now, "I'm sorry we hurt you. No one deserves to be alone, especially not an alpha. My alpha is horrible to me. He hurts me and beats me… and all I want- all I've ever wanted was someone to love me! All I want is an alpha who will love me."

Slowly my hands raised out to him shaking violently. This wasn't fooling him.

"I will be your beta if you will be my alpha and be good to me." I cried and he just looked at me, tears still streaming down his face and he slowly lets the gun drop to the ground. He looks defeated and so tired. "Come." He holds his hands out to me, and he just walks over to me and wraps his arms around me. I feel him against me. My arms lock around him and I rub the back of his head just calming him. It's so close, so very close.

"My beta." he whispered almost content, as if in a daze as well. He's so out of it from losing his beta, he's probably willing to accept anyone to fill that role.

"I'll never let anything happen to you." I whispered, my eyes completely dead, my tone gentle and soft. My hands gently wrap around his stomach and in one quick movement, my hand reaches down. You only have one shot. I grab the gun, hold it tight, look him dead in his eyes as he looks back at me as if utterly betrayed, but my fingers wouldn't squeeze the trigger. POP! POP! POP! His body jerks forward and he falls into me. I drop the gun as I fumble back screaming now in complete hysteria. People in black surround me.

"Put your hands up and keep them raised!" someone commands, and I do. I'm shaking hard as I cry even harder, eyes shut wanting everything and everyone around me to disappear.

"AMARA! AMARA! IT'S ME IT'S OLIVIA!" I hear someone yelling over me, grabbing my face hard. I finally open my eyes and I see her sweating face as she's nodding slowly at me. "It's okay! It's okay!" Olivia. Olivia means safe. Olivia means Rafael. Rafael meant safe. But none of them were who I wanted at this very moment. I cried harder as she held me close to her.

"I WANT MY MOM AND DAD! I WANT MY MOM AND DAD!" I bawled and chanted.


	19. Chapter 19

19

Sirens blared all around me followed by numerous screaming and crying. Olivia was holding my left hand, Sonny was holding my right.

"I want my mom and dad." I said looking around at all the blood that was on the floor. It was so slippery and wet.

"We're going to call them, sweetheart." Olivia replied. So many people in black with guns everywhere. Paramedics were everywhere carrying people out. That's when I remembered my exam.

"I have to go back and take my test." I said in a daze. "I'll fail if I don't."

"Don't worry, we'll reschedule." Sonny said. I just nodded.

"Reschedule." I replied.

We walked out some doors and the sunlight shined in my face, and I just looked around at the many cop cars on the campus grounds following with ambulances. Neither detectives let me go. That's when I also remembered Sadie. I looked around for her.

"Sadie. Sadie, where's Sadie?" I asked. "Her alpha will be looking for her!"

"We're going to find her." Olivia said. So many people were talking. So many bodies were being carried out.

"Where are my parents?" I asked.

"We're going to call them." Sonny replied and I just looked around. People are crying and holding each other.

"Amara!" I hear Rafael's voice. I look around for him to see him trying to push past a cop.

"Let him through!" Olivia calls and the man moves out of his way. Rafael runs to me and Olivia and Sonny let go of my hands as I reach out to him. I cry harder as he catches me and holds me tight.

"Oh baby, baby, are you hurt?" he asked pulling back and looking me over. "Oh god you're bleeding!" He pulled up my sweater and saw no blood and now Fin and other police were all around me.

"It's not her blood! Can we get some help here!" Sonny yells. Paramedics were coming up to me.

"I- I shouldn't be out here. I have a test. I'm going to fail it." I said faintly looking around once more. Rafael takes my face in his hands and turns me to face me.

"Hey you're okay. You're alright. You're just in shock." he said. Another group of paramedics were rolling past us from behind and I immediately saw Sadie's body on it. I lost it.

"Sadie! SADIE!" I screamed trying to run past everyone. However, I was immediately grabbed by Oliva and Sonny. "Let me go, I have to help her! Sadie!"

"We need to get her on the gurney!" Someone yelled. Rafael stood in front of me trying to get me to look anywhere else except my friend, trying to coax me down.

"Sadie!" I bawled heavily. She was being dragged away, the white blanket now pulled over her face. It was complete mayhem and it would never end…

Normal POV

"**How long do betas have to keep being victimized by these insecure alphas? Alphas run the world! They decide when we eat, sleep, when they want to have sexual relationships with us, to have power over our minds and souls! And now a shooter- a mad man has barged onto the Marymount University and opened fired on a bunch of innocent people! Lives have been lost! I can tell you one thing, I'm sure the casualties were of betas! Alpha's get to abuse us they get to kill us! I bet in the next week this madness will be swept under the rug by alpha America! It'll be a memory and the pain of numerous families will be silenced and squashed."**

Rafael and Olivia watched the TV as Albert Nottingham stirred up trouble down town. A large crowd was formed in front of his podium as he gave his speech. The hospital was busy and loud. Amanda shook her head as she stood next to Olivia.

"Someone please shut him up." she told. Rafael shook his head.

"How did this happen?" he asked. Everyone was waiting in the waiting room. It was so packed. Families were looking for their loved ones: their children, their spouses, their siblings. Olivia shook her head looking down with tired defeated eyes.

"Rejection is a terrible thing." she said. Amara was behind the two doors in a room being checked. The doors of the hospital opened up and Johnathon and Leanna came running up to the clerk's desk.

"We're looking for Amara O'Neal!" Leanna said. Rafael saw them and raised his hand.

"Johnathon!" he called and the couple both looked and rushed over to the group.

"Where's Amara! What happened, she's not answering her phone!" Leanna sobbed, eyes pouring with tears. Rafael just raised his hand smiling, at least happy to be able to deliver some good news.

"Amara is fine. She wasn't hurt. She's just being looked over." he said. Relief filled their eyes as the couple embraced each other.

"We heard what happened on the news and when we tried to call her and she didn't answer…" Johnathon replied.

"Was it truly an alpha who did this?" Leanna asked. Olivia stepped beside Rafael now.

"We don't know. We are waiting to hear from the doctor so Amara can tell us." she replied. Rafael closed his eyes and looked down and Leanna looked at her.

"What do you mean? Why would she know anything?" she asked the worry filling her voice. Olivia was hesitant looking at Rafael feeling it was only appropriate that they hear from him. Rafael looked at the two.

"The gunman talked to Amara. The SWAT found them in her classroom together. Only she has the answers." he said. The O'Neal's looked at each other in shock now.

"What?" Leanna asked and Olivia nodded.

"Your daughter is a very brave woman, Mrs. O'Neal." she replied. Johnathon just held Leanna tighter. They were just happy their daughter was alive.

"O'Neal!" a doctor yelled and now everyone ran over to him.

"We're O'Neal!" Johnathon replied. The doctor looked at them.

"Relationship?" he asked.

"We're her parents. And he's her alpha." Johnathon responded and the doctor nodded.

"She's awake, but she's very shaken up." he replied.

"Well can we see her!" Leanna asked. The doctor nodded.

"Yes, but not all of you. She asks to see her parents first and then her alpha. We can only have four back here per patient." he replied. Rafael nodded expecting as much. The O'Neal's began to walk back but Leanna stopped and turned to Rafael taking his hand and pulling him along with them. Since there was room for a fourth, Olivia was asked to come along. They followed the doctor down the busy hall. Doctors and nurses were everywhere rolling patients in spouting demands to others. Everyone was looking everywhere trying to make sense of it all. The went up one flight of stairs to a hallway that was not as busy. The doctor held his hand up to a room and Rafael and Olivia looked through the window as the O'Neal's went inside. There she was sitting up in a gown. She had a few cuts and bruises on her body.

Rafael just stared at her as she embraced her parents before Leanna was peppering her with kiss and Johnathon just hugged her tight after. The doctor remained beside the two.

"Do you two happen to know any police?" The doctor asked and Olivia looked at him and flashed her badge. The doctor nodded looking at them with tired eyed. "I wanted to let you know before anyone else. The shooter survived and is in critical care."

Now both their bodies stiffened.

"Will he make it?" Olivia asked. Rafael looked down upon hearing that sentence and then looked at Amara again.

"We don't know. He's in surgery. Police will already be watching his room." he said before walking away leaving them to their thoughts. Olivia looked at Rafael who just looked at his beta with dark eyes.

"I'm glad he's alive, because there will be nothing left of him once I'm through with him." he said, his tone dangerous. Olivia looked at her friend unsure if he meant by legal means or something else.

Amara's POV

Was all of this worth it? Is being someone's beta, worth the pain. My parents were crying and wanted to question me about what the shooter and I spoke about. But I told them I just wanted to speak with the police, because I didn't want to relive everything that happened. They understood and decided to go get some coffee.

"We won't be too far, baby." Mom said and I nodded feeling her kiss my forehead again. The two left the room and just as they left, more familiar faces came. Rafael sped in like a man on a mission.

"Amara, thank god you're okay." he said taking my hand and placing his other hand on my face. I just looked at him with soft eyes.

"I'm alright." I replied gently, and he nodded and leaned in gently kissing me. I responded weakly however, due to exhaustion. Olivia slowly walked over and looked at me with gentle eyes.

"Amara are you okay with answering some questions?" she asked. I took soft breaths knowing it was time to relive what happened.

"Yes." I replied. She nodded slowly.

"Can you tell me what happened?" she asked. I nodded.

"I was taking my test when I heard the shots. We all did. My professor tried to lock the door but it happened so fast. He was shot. I had dropped to the floor trying to get under my desk when the door just slammed open." I replied looking at her now. Rafael's eyes closed in complete pain. "Then I blacked out, I was uh, I was trampled. I just saw black for a bit. Even when the firing started, I was out like a light until I opened my eyes and saw my friend, Sadie lying there."

More tears started to fall down my face and Rafael held my hand tighter. Olivia nodded.

"Okay. Just take your time. Then what happened?" she asked. Rafael looked at her with a frown.

"We know what happened, do we really need to ask again?" he asked. Olivia looked at him with a soft understanding squint.

"You know protocol." she said, and I shook my head.

"It's okay." I told him before looking at Olivia. "He came back. He was going to shoot me. But I asked him why he was crying, because he was. He was sad that his beta rejected him. From what I got from our conversation was that she rejected him and he was really hurt. I think he killed her and her family too. He may have been a student here his clothes had the school's name on it. He just wanted a beta…" I replied.

"That will never excuse what he did." Olivia said and I looked up at her.

"Is he dead?"

Olivia and Rafael looked at each other for a moment and that was an answer enough.

"Will he live?" I asked. Rafael shook his head.

"We don't know, but if he does, I am going to put him beneath the prison." he promised. I looked down some and inhaled gently.

"Olivia, can we have a moment? That's everything that's happened." I replied and she nodded.

"Of course. I'll be in the waiting room." she said and left. I just watched her leave before taking a few breaths and looking away now as I felt my mind drifting from my body. Rafael leaned in closer to me, his eyes looking me over.

"Hey. What is it, mami?" he asked. I shook my head slowly.

"Where does it end, Rafael? When will it stop, all the violence all the unnecessary death? The more violence that happens between alphas and betas, the more ammunition that AntiDom will have. More people will fight the bond and soon more alphas will just keep killing us." I said. Rafael shook his head.

"Baby, not all of us are the same. Haven't I proven that to you?" he asked, and I nodded, eyes watering.

"Yes, but you are not enough! There are not enough good alphas out there who aren't going to go crazy and do something horrible. There aren't enough good alphas in the world to stop the mass shooter alphas, the serial killing alphas, the raping alphas, the child molesting alphas! It's not enough Rafael it's not enough!" I sobbed, and he immediately wrapped his arms around me pulling me into him slowly. I cried into his shirt feeling comfort from his embrace. "Just don't turn into them, Rafael. Don't make me regret giving my life to you."

"_Nunca."_ he replied softly against me. But who is to say that he won't? Who is to say that that isn't engraved in all alphas, that rejection will not lead to horrible things we cannot predict?


	20. Chapter 20

20

Vultures in disguise of reporters were swarming the hospital trying to get pictures of my window. I was staring down at the city roads until they showed up. Rafael immediately closed the curtains.

"_Parásitos__."_ he huffed. **(Parasites)** I had to stay in the hospital for the night of which I didn't mind. Rafael walked back over to the bed and looked at me with soft eyes as he took my hand. "Can I get you anything?" I just shook my head.

"No. I'm fine." I replied. He tilted his head.

"You say that, but when the shock wears off completely, everything will start. The PTSD and whatever comes after it." he said. I couldn't help but frown for a quick second before I just shrugged and shook my head.

"So at this point there is nothing you can do for me at this moment. All we can do is just wait until the doctor discharges me." I replied. He looked down with a light gaze.

"Sorry." he said lowly and I just looked at him for a moment before remembering the shooter's sadness. He looked as if he had failed at everything and I could see that same look on Rafael's face for not being able to console me. I placed my hand over his and gave him a gentle stare. He understood though, he wasn't upset anymore. He leaned into me and just lightly grazed his forehead against mine in understanding.

"I love you mami." he whispered, his eyes watering. My gaze on him weakened. "No matter what happens, I am not going to ever abandon you. Even when you yell at me in the future, or when you doubt my feelings for you. My love meter will never sink- hell it didn't even go down a notch when you kissed Billy Conlan." My lips quivered at how deep and sincere he sounded. And I just knew he was telling the truth. I could lie to myself and find a reason to not believe him, but I knew. He is telling the truth. I gently raised my hands to his face and curled my fingers into his hair and he raised his hands against my neck pulling me into him. I leaned into him letting our lips meet and I felt something inside me awaken, I felt complete with his lips on mine.

Alphas can be horrible, but Rafael was not and I would have to remind myself that in the future when an alpha does something horrible to their beta. Seeing the emotions change in his eyes from my words, my actions, my emotions made me realize what I had to do right now. I slowly pulled back from him and looked his face over some.

"Will you go find the doctor for me." I replied. He began to grow concern.

"You alright?" he asked looking me over and I nodded.

"Please." I replied, and he nodded and moved out the door. While he did this, I got out of bed and my body was just crampy from the entire ordeal. It had already been an hour and yet it was still crazy down stairs. More patients were brought up here and I was hoping to be able to be discharged soon so someone else in more critical condition could be in this room. I removed my gown and began to place all my clothes back on. As I slid my pants on, immediately the smell of the class was on me. Even putting on my bra and shirt made the memories come back. The door opened and the room flooded in with familiar faces.

"Amara Danielle O'Neal, what are you doing get back in that bed!" Mom demanded and Rafael came over to me taking my arm gently.

"Amara, what are you doing?" he asked and I looked at the doctor and then Olivia taking even breaths.

"I will not stay in this room one more night knowing someone else from the school needs this bed." I said looking at Rafael for a moment knowing he'd be upset at what I was going to ask next. I looked at the doctor.

"Is the shooter out of surgery?" I asked causing everyone including the doctor to look at me shell shocked.

"I can't give out that information you aren't family to him." he said. I looked at him for a second before looking at Olivia and she stared at me with a soft gaze before looking toward the doctor.

"This is a police investigation. Is the perp out of surgery?" she asked with mild authority. Both my parents and my alpha were confused by my words before Mother suddenly shook her head stepping toward me taking my shoulders in my hand. She knew what I wanted.

"Oh no, you are not going to see that boy!" she said. Rafael's eyes widened and he placed a hand on my arm.

"Amara, you can't be serious. Your mother is right. You don't know what you're saying." he said. I looked at him and my mother.

"I am serious." I replied.

"Ma'am you should listen to your alpha please." the doctor said and I looked at him sharply.

"I live my life by my own command and not my alphas. Not anyone!" I shouted, and Olivia nodded raising her hands and approaching me. Rafael just stared at me and I could tell he was confused and hurt by my wanting to see this man. But right now this was for me and no one else.

"Okay. Okay. Doctor please. Just let her see him." Olivia said looking at the man. The doctor winced and looked away with a tight jaw rubbing his mouth before nodding.

"Okay but let's be quick. Only the doctor and the lawyer can come with us." he said and turned and began to walk out. Mother just looked at me shaking her head.

"Don't go." she said. Father just took hold of her shoulders and gently pulled her into him.

"Let her go, baby. She has to do this." he said. Mother looked at him of course still not believing him. I followed after the doctor and Olivia and Rafael were behind me. The doctor walked slow enough to the elevator and we got in and as we did the elevator music brought me back to life. Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey's When you believe. I immediately closed my eyes and let my soul absorb the lyrics.

_Mariah: Yet now I'm standing here. My heart so full I can't explain. Speaking faith and speaking words, I'd never thought I'd say. There can be miracles when you believe._

_Whitney: When you believe_

_Mariah: Though hope is frail is frail, it's hard to kill._

_Together: Who knows what miracles you can achieve._

_Whitney: You can achieve._

_Mariah: When you believe somehow you will…_

_Together: You will when you believe._

The doctor stepped out of the elevator at the top floor and we followed him down the hall. Olivia and Rafael said nothing as we moved to the end of the empty hall. Two cops were on either side of the door. They looked so blank. The doctor looked at the two before motioning to me.

"This is the young woman who risked her life to talk to the shooter giving police enough time to come in and apprehend him. She wants to look him in the face." the doctor explained. The two police looked at each other for a moment before looking at me. One of them nodded.

"You're a brave young woman." he said and the two stepped aside. I slowly opened the door and saw how dark it was in the room. The boy, whose name I did not want to know, was on the bed, hand cuffed and had some long breathing tube in his mouth. He was comfortable, he was safe. I looked at everyone on the outside before closing the door leaving only he and I together. The machines beeped and the heart monitored showed me his heart was steady. I knew the window was clear and I knew Olivia and Rafael were watching me. I slowly approached the bed and as I did, I saw Sadie, I saw dead people. I saw parents grieving the loss of their loved ones. As I approached the bed and looked at him with faded eyes knowing he couldn't hear me, I started to remember Rafael's eyes, and the times he always looked at me with sadness when I did not just melt into him and be one like he wanted. I stood on the right side of the bed and just looked at the guy. His eyes were closed and he looked like he was sleeping. I just inhaled some looking at the door.

"They let me see you." I said lowly knowing I would get no response. I looked down at him now. "I realized that betas are not just a prisoner to this entire bond. You're just as much as impacted as I am. An alpha wanting to be accepted by the person that the universe said was there. A beta… who is supposed to feel a connection, to feel protected by this alpha." I looked at Rafael now and he just watched with his arm crossed under his other arm that which his hand was pressed to his lips with anxiety.

"But is there love involved in the bond? Is that something we both should immediately feel? We are only human we are imperfect we are flawed, born to be flawed. Yet something in us says another person belongs to us." I said staring at Rafael's eyes. He knew from the mild bitter look in my eyes that I wasn't necessarily saying something good. I looked back at the guy. "I know why you decided to end it all, and take everyone with you, because alphas don't experience regular pain, normal pain when it comes to their betas. You all experience things on a deeper level that betas can never understand and it scares us. It scares us to know you all get to feel this way and we don't get to, we have to learn to feel it, we don't get to be on another level with you. And when that person who makes you feel on an entirely different level rejects you, that's like life itself being over. It's not fair for either of us."

The silence in the room was only peppered with the beeping machines and I continued to stare at him now.

"You killed her so you both can be on that deeper level together, just somewhere else." I said and gently leaned down and curled my fingers into his limp warm hand. Rafael's eyes slowly sharpened at my actions and I leaned over so that my face was inches from his cheek.

"I want you to know that I know why you did this, that this will be the external war alphas and betas will have to fight for the rest of our lives until society catches up to up us. There will be more like you everywhere, alphas who are unstable, who cannot handle not being in control or even rejection." I said whispered and looked at Rafael. He stared at me with strong, confident eyes. "And there will be alphas like mine who will fight for those who could not fight for themselves. If you survive he will destroy you, you will only know pain when you awake. The only thing that will save you from this, is death." I gently kissed his cheek. I pulled back slowly. "That was to remind you that you had another option." I leaned back up and just stared at him with a blank stare. He had another option, he was free to love who he wanted, and he threw it away. A single tear had rolled off the side of his eyes and into his pillow.

I moved around the bed and walked to the door and before I reached the door knob, I could hear the heart monitor flat lining. I just stood there not even turning back. The door swung open and the doctor came rushing in with nurses behind him in an attempt to resuscitate him. I stepped out of the room to let them work and Olivia and Rafael were just staring at me and I stared back at him with hard eyes, eyes that said "I am my own woman". I slowly held my hand out to him and he looked at it for a moment and then back at me. Within a few seconds he put his hand in mine.

"Let's go home." he said softly. We turned and headed to the elevator without saying anything else.


	21. Chapter 21

21

The doctor completely shut down our request to leave. I had to stay the rest of the night to make sure nothing happened to me. My mom didn't want to leave my side, but Rafael convinced her to since he didn't plan to leave at all. Physically I was sore, emotionally I was scarred. I didn't even know how to go about getting better, getting through all of this. I have no idea if the shooter was able to be saved. I knew I would find out one way or the other eventually. I watched the news on TV as the sun began to go down. The shooting was on most channels and I watched the after math unfold. Numerous people were being interviewed.

"_Twenty-five people were killed and twenty people were wounded yesterday as Marymount student, Hector Morales entered the school's psychology building and opened fire with an automatic assault weapon. Thirteen of the twenty-five were beta students, and the remaining twelve were alphas. Numerous people were sent to the St. Charles Hospital and are still in critical care. Hector Morales, a twenty-four-year-old economics major, had no criminal history or history of violent behavior. After speaking with his parents, Tomas and Helena Morales, it seems an apparent rage from being rejected by his new beta, Tonya Lovington of the Manhattan Lovington's who have numerous and prosperous health business up all over the country. It would appear the rejection through the young alpha into a rage prompting Morales to kill both Tonya and her parents John and Maya Lovington. There is still no word if Morales is still alive. He was also rushed to St. Charles hospital. Many betas and alphas are in heated debate on how this horrible and tragic ordeal could have been avoided."_

"_This is what happens when an alpha doesn't get their way, they think they can just kill other alphas and betas. Everyone suffers."_

"_What he did wasn't right, but his beta shouldn't have rejected him. All of this could have been avoided."_

"_Don't those betas see that what they do effects everyone!"_

"_These laws are made to protect alphas. When are we betas going to be protected!"_

"_Doesn't the beta get rights? Why is everything created for the alphas they obviously can't handle rejection and betas should be allowed to reject complete strangers!"_

"_The laws need to change!"_

"_Betas need to keep their mouth shut and do what they're told. The world would be a better place. We all have our roles and they should be happy to even have us alphas around."_

I cut the TV off and looked down at my lap slowly nodding. Rafael was sitting in a chair beside me, his pointer finger against the side of his head and his middle finger pressed to his lips.

"I agree." he said causing me to look at him. "The laws should be changed so betas have equal right as much as the alphas. This madness will never stop as long as betas keep being oppressed. I mean… they didn't even mention you, not once, that you're the reason why no one else was killed." he said, and I just nodded in agreement and shrugged some.

"It doesn't matter anymore. If it's not an alpha who saved the day then I'm sure it doesn't matter to them now. Maybe we can start by not having titles anymore if we really want change." I replied and he gazed at me as if deep in thought as he listened. "Why can't I just be your girlfriend?" He gave a soft smile leaning forward.

"You are my girlfriend, I mean that's what happens when a man or woman finds the other man or woman they are supposed to be with." he said.

"But not everyone thinks like that… which I understand no one can truly fix in us." I replied and leaned back into the bed sighing some. This hospital was loud still but I expected as much. It would be like this for quite a while. I looked at Rafael noticing he had been here for most of the day and I was sure he hadn't eaten. "You should get something to eat." He shook his head.

"No. I'm fine. I ate back at the office." he said stubbornly. I tilted my head.

"That was hours ago." I replied. He shook his head.

"I'm not leaving you." he stated and I just stared at him for a long moment before nodding.

"Okay." I replied and he just crossed his arms on the side of the bed. His shirt sleeves were unbuttoned, but the shirt itself was still fully buttoned and I glanced at his suspenders. Oh wow, he was wearing suspenders. I couldn't help but gently scoff and slowly laugh some. Rafael looked utterly confused.

"What?" he asked bewildered. I motioned at his chest.

"You're wearing suspenders. I've never seen that before on a man… only on old TV shows." I replied covering my mouth some as I giggled more. He looked down at his body before looking back up at me and playfully pouting.

"Well… it makes me feel very professional." he said sticking his nose up some. I couldn't help but smile some and he smiled down. I lifted my head some.

"Tell me about work. Anything on that… serial killer?" I asked. His bright eyes shifted down some.

"We shouldn't talk about that. We shouldn't talk about any of that." he said and I lifted my head some.

"What else is there to talk about then in this type of situation?" I asked and he shrugged.

"Anything, anything that won't cause stress to you." he said and I shrugged shaking my head slowly.

"What happens now?" I asked. "What happens when we leave this hospital and have to go back into the real world that's growing more and more segregated?" He looked down at my side and let his hand gently slide over the blankets toward my hand and slowly I let my hand meet his. He opened his mouth some.

"Tell me after all our time together what do you feel for me?" he asked. My chest tightened some at his question before I inhaled some thinking of how to speak the truth.

"I do know that I have strong feelings for you, strong enough to learn Spanish for you, strong enough that I wanted to work for your forgiveness for what went down between Billy and I. I don't ever want to see you hurt, and I want nothing more than to watch you win as many cases as you can, and fight for victims who have been hurt by others." I replied. He smiled at my words.

"Then we get back to our lives, even though we both know they have drastically changed after today. We get back to trying to be a couple and building a future together. I know that as my girlfriend, you will be seen as a title to the world. But to me you will be Amara." he said. I nodded at his words. I knew full well when we were out in public with his friends he may call me his beta to avoid any questions or conversations about our status together. But knowing he's not like other alphas made those future title callings worth it. I nodded slowly squeezing his hand lightly.

"I would like that… very much." I replied and he smiled.

"Me too." he replied. In the next hour, I had some soup because that was really all I could stomach. But as the six pm moved into seven pm, I found myself having some mild panic attacks. I spoke to my doctor letting him know I was too afraid to go to sleep on my own because I was afraid of the nightmares I would have. He gave me some medicine that knocked me right out into the next morning. I finally remembered that I didn't have a phone and so Rafael informed me that the school was closed until further notice. I signed into my email on his phone and saw the letter for myself that school was closed. He had brought me some clothes to change in so I could be discharged. I noticed he was in a new suit and jacket, some coffee in his hand.

"Will your bosses be mad you're here and not at work?" I asked as we finally left the hospital room. He shook his head slowly.

"You are my priority right now. I took some vacation time." he replied. I winced.

"But your cases…" I started and he shook his head.

"Are not important. You are." he replied looking down between our bodies and switching hands with his coffee so he could curl his hand in mine. We've never done before, hold hands. I didn't mind it. I finally realized as we moved out through the side of the building that I didn't have my car.

"What'll happen to my car?" I asked.

"One of the detectives were kind enough to go and get it from the school. Luckily student parking wasn't taped off." he said as we walked across the street to a parking lot. I looked back to the front of the hospital to see reporters still there. I sighed and just pulled my hoodie over my head and moved over to Rafael's car. My body was still achy of course and I just leaned back into the seat.

"We'll go get your medicine then we will head home." he said. Yay for sleep and pain meds. I nodded and was just ready to sleep more.

"Did you get my parent's numbers?" I asked and he nodded.

"Texted them and told them already we were headed home. They said they will get you a new phone when they are emotionally stable again from everything that's happened." he said. I nodded slowly and let my mind drift off for a moment. I stopped a shooter. But he had already killed so many people and injured more too. There was no getting over this, that much I knew. School was closed and I'd be cooped up in the house trying to figure out how to live again.

But I guess one thing is for sure, I was just happy to be alive. Was that a selfish thought, being alive when others weren't. Sadie wasn't. What's the point of being an alpha if you can't protect the one thing you are programed to protect and love. Once we were back home, things felt already off and completely backward. My car was in the driveway still brand new and shiny. I didn't even know what I wanted to do right now. I just stood in the hallway looking around and watching Rafael put his coat away. He then looked at me and gave a gentle sigh.

"Why don't I go run you a bath, get you in some comfy clothes and then we can cook- I can make you some real food." he said. I smiled at the thought.

"You make the food. I'll go get cleaned up." I said moving to the stairs, however he slowly side stepped me.

"Um you sure. I don't mind doing it for you." he said. I gave him a gentle look knowing that he was concerned and didn't want to leave me alone due to trauma. I looked at him with a light smile.

"Rafael, I know you are worried for me and I am a little worried about myself too. But I am not suicidal and I don't want to hurt myself. You said yourself you want to get back to our lives and that it will be hard… let me get through the hard. _¿Bueno?_" I asked softly giving a warm smile. He nodded slowly.

"Yes _mi amor_." he said. I moved up to him and gently pressed my lips to his and he responded letting our lips just linger on each other for a while. We both went upstairs and to our rooms. I slid out of my clothes and just stood naked in the bathroom for a bit looking at all the cuts and bruises I had from everyone's feet digging into my body. I just stared at my reflection. I didn't see me I just saw a stranger staring back at me. I saw Hector staring back at me, eyes watering, chest heaving from what looked like pain himself. I pulled my hair up, got in the shower, and let the water just wash over me. It made my body ache some and I just closed my eyes and slowly pressed my back to the shower and cried hard. I made it out, but none of my classmates made it out. Why didn't he kill me, I was a beta and he hated me right!

Too many questions formed in my head now, but I forced myself to push them away and actually shower. I half assed bathing and just wanted to get out before Rafael worried for me too much. I stepped out and dried off. Once I was done I just put lotion on and just lied on my bed staring at the ceiling. I didn't want to get dressed, I didn't want to move. I just wanted to be wrapped in the warmth of my blankets. So I did. I crawled under the soft fleece blanket and comforter atop and just stayed there. I could hear Rafael on the phone for a bit and I took comfort knowing he wasn't too far. I heard his footsteps coming down the hall and my door was cracked so he gently knocked.

"Babe, can I enter?" he asked.

"Yeah." I replied and he opened the door and looked at me with worry.

"Hey… you ready to eat?" he asked. I shook my head not really hungry after crying. He was in a casual t-shirt and sweats which was not a look I had ever seen on him before

"You look very casual." I replied and he gave a quick smile.

"So do you." he said motioning at what I could only assume was my nude chest. I sat up and raised my hand out to him and he just walked over and took my hand and he let me pull him into the bed. He crawled behind me as I turned to let my back push into his chest and with his left arm he wrapped it around my shoulders and chest and with his right, he just rested it above my head so it wouldn't fall asleep under my big head.

"You know I don't blame all alphas for what happened yesterday." I said. He just nuzzled the back of my head in response.

"Good." he said lowly, and I nodded.

"I am also fully aware that betas can be rapists, murders, sadistic people as well. If the bond didn't exist in us, then numerous people would be the same." I replied.

"We wouldn't be together. Maybe I'd see you in passing and think you were cute but too young for me." he said and I nodded.

"I honestly think the same. I don't think we'd ever exist in each other's worlds if I still met you in the police station. I think you would have sent me away and that would have been the end of it. Maybe I would have hated you as a man and not an alpha." I replied and slowly turned to face his soft gaze. He nodded.

"In this very moment, I'd rather you hate me as a free woman than love me as a prisoner." he said lowly. I sighed gently and rested my hand in his palm as he gently palmed the side of my head giving me comfort.

"But I am not a prisoner even after signing that document. My parents… they don't see each other as alpha or beta unless confronted by authority. They are husband and wife." I replied. He nodded, eyes seeming lost as they stared at me.

"Would you want that one day with me? Would you… want to be my wife?" he asked with a hopeful tone. I thought about his question. It felt like a light question, but I knew it was serious. I wanted what my parents have, pure happiness. I didn't know about children, but still I wanted to be happy with someone. I wanted someone to want me for me. Even though Rafael wants me because of genes and instinct, he's still been trying to get to know the real me for the past month. And there's nothing I can do about him being my alpha. I nodded.

"I do. But I want us to be like my parents… not like Alex and Yelina Munoz." I replied and he laughed some and nodded.

"We will not be. That I promise you." he said and I smiled and nodded, my eyes filling with relief. I had to remember that Rafael is just a prisoner in this bond as I was. But he's embraced it full on and not running or hiding from his responsibility of basically being in charge of me. I wondered if he ever got crap from his coworkers about me being involved in the shooting. I inhaled some and slowly sat up. His eyes never left my face not even caring to look at my bare form as it basically was eye to eye with him. That inwardly made me smile.

"Now I am hungry." I said and he nodded and sat up as well.

"What would you like?" he asked.

"What can you cook?" I teased and he grinned.

"So a surprise then." he concluded. I nodded.

"A surprise." I replied and he nodded and got out of bed and I followed moving over to my dresser and pulling out one of my grey gowns. Once I was dressed I joined Rafael in the hallway before smirking.

"I want pasta." I said and he laughed gently.

"What happened to the surprise?" he asked.

"I think I've had enough surprises for one week." I replied.

"Fair enough." he replied and with our hands laced together we moved down the hallway to try and have a normal life again together.


	22. Chapter 22

22

I wish I could say everything was back to normal or close to it. But it wasn't entirely. Immediately the nightmares came and all I could see was Sadie and bodies of bloody faces sprawled out on the ground. I didn't want to sleep without taking the drugs the doctor prescribed to me. Rafael was constantly waking me up because I was screaming in my sleep. It felt it would never end, this gut wrenching fear I was feeling.

A month after the shooting there was a large memorial held at the school for those killed in the shooting. But not even in a time of despair could we come together. There were people chanting for new laws for betas and of course alphas who did not like the chanting. Police were involved and the memorial turned into a riot. The school was closed down again for an unknown amount of time out fear of riots starting again on campus. My heart sank even deeper into my body as I did my best not to read to many news articles of what happened.

Going back to school the weeks prior were hard already. I didn't feel attached to anything here. I was constantly looking over my shoulder. Yet when I was alone, I felt peace. I wanted to feel more of that peace. So on weekends, I was jogging through the neighborhood alone and soon running further out until I was in town. Rafael didn't like it and when I defended myself it just led to an argument. I knew he was upset and worried, but I just couldn't shake what I was feeling off. I could not run it off even when I felt at peace. I knew there was a serial killer out there killing black beta women. But I didn't care. I didn't care what dangers found me.

"You cannot keep doing this, Amara." Rafael argued.

"I just need to stay out of my head okay. Running helps." I replied with annoyance in my tone as I closed the fridge door and moved to the living room. Rafael was behind me.

"Mami, I know you are dealing with trauma, but you going out alone at night, is NOT acceptable. You are putting yourself in danger." he snapped. I looked at him as I opened my bottle of water. It was eleven and I was drinking some water. I had nothing to say so I just looked ahead and squatted right where I was. He watched and sighed heavily. "Baby talk to me. Please don't shut me out again." I didn't respond for a moment. I didn't know what I should say. Rafael moved over and slowly sat down beside me.

"You're going to hurt your legs staying like that for too long." he said, this time in a softer tone. I glanced in his direction before finally falling back on my bottom and he just stared at me for a moment waiting. I looked at the ground with dead eyes almost.

"We couldn't even come together to mourn for the dead." I said blankly. I shook my head. "Hundreds of people, doesn't matter their title, could die and someone will be to blame. Beta, alpha none of it matters. Fear turns into sadness and sadness eventually turns to anger and I don't blame other betas for being angry, I don't blame them for being scared. Deep down my mind tells me it would be easy to blame the alphas because the only reason they wouldn't want better laws is because they can't be in control anymore."

"Do you think I want to control you?" Rafael asked. I sighed and shook my head.

"No. But of course we are one of the few who get along. The entire country is divided. I'm afraid more bad things will happen… and no longer is it about civil rights, it's about everyone's lives changing at the flip of a switch, the second a pair of eyes meet another." I responded. He nodded letting his hand slide over to meet mine. They curled firmly over mine and I watched as he looked very hard at my hands as if he were contemplating something very heavy. Something was weighing on his heart.

"And it doesn't seem like things will get any easier with you living here." he said lowly and my body tensed at his words. He looked up at me. "Amara, I think you should go stay with your parents and take the time you need to clear your mind and get better." And now my heart hit my stomach and I looked down for a moment.

"You want me to leave." I said, and he shook his head. Eyes sparkling from tears swelling.

"No. That is the last thing I want. But I also know I can't help the kind of pain you're in. I took you from your world and forced you to be a part of mine. A world that's filled with dangers and death. So I want you to go back to your world so we can find our way back to each other." he explained. I stared at him for a moment unsure of what I should say to this, how I should react.

"But you-" I said and he shook his head.

"I'll be fine. I just need you to be okay." he said.

"H-how long do you want me to stay away?" I asked. His body inflated as he inhaled through his nostrils.

"For as long as you want." he said. I stared at him for a long moment. By him saying this, this meant he was placing himself in a position to hurt for a very long time. I didn't want to hurt him. But I knew with how I had been acting, it was hurting him still. He'd hurt himself for me. As I stared into his eyes for a moment watching as they avoided mine, I knew I couldn't do it. I knew I wouldn't leave this house knowing full well he'd be in pain until I came back. I wouldn't hurt him like that.

"No." I said firmly and Rafael looked at me confused and finally I turned to him. "Let's do what a normal couple would do when trying to recover from a horrific event… I need to get help." His eyes seemed to liven at my words and he nodded.

"Yes." he said, and I smiled and leaned forward to crawl over him and gently kissed his lips. He replied immediately.

"I will… cut back on my nightly jogs until I can find a therapist or someone to talk to." I replied standing up. His eyes watched me.

"_Gracias_." he replied and raised his hands so I could help him up. We stared at each other genuinely for a moment before I look down.

"I never want to see you hurt… which means I can't be the cause of that. I know that killer is out there and I know I have been very reckless." I replied. Rafael leaned in and placed his forehead against mine.

"I'm just glad you see that. Look school is down for a bit, let's just take time to get you better. I know these last few nights haven't been easy. A therapist should have been the first thing we got for you out of the hospital." he said, and I just nodded and wrapped my arms around his body inhaling his scent. He locked his arms around me and I just sighed gently.

The next morning, I lounged in bed already feeling off. Without being in school, my programmed body and mind felt purposeless. And for once I did not want to run today. Rafael knocked on my door and peaked in.

"Good morning. I have court in an hour so I may be gone all day." he said and I sat up and looked at him.

"Can I sit in?" I asked. I didn't really want to be alone. He winced.

"I don't think you're going to want to come to this one." he said. I tilted my head.

"Why wouldn't I want to?" I asked and he sighed some.

"Because it's a case against a beta who shot and killed his alpha." he said. I tensed up a bit.

"Was it self-defense?" I asked. He shook his head.

"No… this beta was actually pretty abusive to his alpha." he said lowly and my eyes widened some at this. A beta… an abuser? That was not something I had ever heard of let alone had a chance to see. I looked ahead in a daze before looking at him.

"Can I go still?" I asked. Rafael blinked rapidly stunned.

"Sure." he said, and I hurried and got out of bed running into the bathroom. I started to unwrap my hair and brush my teeth and wash my face. "Are you sure you want to hear this case?" I nodded looking at him as I rubbed some face cream on my face.

"Yes… if this beta is the bad guy, it could definitely prove AntiDom wrong about ALL alphas. It could also prove to me that things are not so black and white as I thought they were." I replied. I moved to my closet and pulled on some jeans with a large green sweater. I grabbed my purse and looked at Rafael who just stared at me almost starry eyed. "What?" He shook his head smiling some as he leaned his head on the doorway.

"Nothing… you look beautiful is all." he replied lightly. I smiled gently before moving up to him.

"Thank you." I replied. He smiled and leaned down and pecked my lips before taking my hand and guiding me from the room. I could not hide the mild excitement in the pit of my stomach for this case. I was curious of this beta, curious of what he looked like. I had never thought to look up a murderous beta. I have always thought of all betas of submissive, weak and abused people. But now maybe there was more to us than our submissive layers.


End file.
